Sufferer Pteredacted Says Hi.

[Keming]

Hey. I'm Pteredacted. I'm Canadian, male, gay, middle-aged, civilian, and troubled.

I am diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar, Aspergers, ADHD, and avoidant personality disorder. PTSD was diagnosed in 2014, bipolar/aspergers in 2016. Things are mostly under control. I function at home, but fail when outside the home, or under stress. I no longer work, because I no longer function reliably outside the home, or around people.

My demeanor is "cynical bastard with a heart of gold." I am bitter. If I say something that offends you, it is probably unintended.

My PTSD is my problem. You will never "trigger" me. I have endured for decades. If I become silent, taciturn, angry, or just log off in a huff: that's on me.

I will chat with you; I will shoot the shit with you; I will listen to your counsel, and will offer my own as best I can; but I will never trust you.

I am always calm, except when I am not.
I am always rational, except when I am not.

I hate this. At home I study Julius Caesar and Charlemagne, economics and educational reform, literary history. In public, I struggle to remember where I am, or why I'm outside. I need help to interact with offices, people, systems. Sometimes I'm unable to speak, or get lost, or fragmented. I can no longer fill out paperwork on my own. I forget where I live. I forget my phone number. I forget my name.

I'm in therapy and mildly medicated. I'm being cared for by someone I know and trust. I will not get worse. I go to therapy because I choose to. I don't experience hope, but I refuse - refuse - to embrace failure.

Suck it, world.

 

[BOAG]

Hey Pteredacted,

Welcome to the forum! I hope that you will find some helpful things here.

I don't trust you either, but I like you anyway. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Hahaha I love the attitude in your last statement!

Welcome to the forum.

PS I think many of us are like you on the trust front.

 

[ladee]

Love how you put it out there. You are welcome here tho and many of us act like that in public. So we get it. Many of us prefer to stay home and we all have issues with trust.
Guess you are in the right place,until you aren't.
Glad your here.

 

[Keming]

Wow, that was a hostile 'hello' from me. The avoidant personality disorder diagnosis is making a little more sense.

Thanks, really.

 

[ladee]

We ARE glad you are here!

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't know exactly why but I think you're pretty cool already.

Don't let that scare you away. Heck id probably run for the hills if someone said this to me, lol.