PTSD and 12 Step Programs

[midi]

Tlight,

How sad. Sounds like the guy was trolling for a piece. What a disappointment!

 

[TLight]

Yeah;
I don't trust men. Period. It's sort of sad. Don't think I ever will.......

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear TLight,

I discovered something recently for myself: I knew I didn't trust anyone, virtually, particularly male. Two years ago the only family member I could implicitly trust acted so bizarre out of the blue it sent me into such a spiral of shock and sorrow that I was sure I wouldn't be able to trust anyone ever again, and some times I still feel that way.

However, I am learning that a lot of my mistrust is also because I love someone I can't trust, and that is why I am continually experiencing that disappointment and sorrow when I "forget" that.

BUT!!- and I would never have believed that this could EVER be possible- I met 2 people (both MEN- can you believe it??), that I can honestly say that I trust, and for me I believe that I have learned that TRUSTWORTHY people are actually "a lot easier to trust", but they truly are as rare as finding a needle in a haystack, but when you do your heart somehow knows the difference and it's not half as hard, but it takes a while to feel safe enough to believe it.

 

[morgan]

Our thinking is skewed by our traumas. I have found that if you look in the right places (including AA) and live with better boundaries, there are more trustworthy people than you might think. There are also different levels of trust depending on the relationships. You don't have to totally trust someone on every level to have a decent relationship with them. For example all of my friends right now are either addicts of some sort or they have PTSD. I can't trust them not to have their own meltdowns here and there and not be able to be there for me, But I can trust them to accept me as I am and help me grow. That is all I need from a friend basically.

 

[TLight]

Thanks Morgan..........that was truly helpful. Really, it was.

 

[cragger65]

TLight, that is truly f&*%king shitty. And guys, I have done my fair share of shitty things too... I'm human. But I don't think I'm all that bad (well, actually I do, but that's a feature of my illness, and not a true reflection of who I really am... :)

 

[2quilt]

I can't go near a 12-step program because they are based on Christianity. The group prays at the beginning and end, and talks to some invisible power about strength in the middle. Not for me, especially when the perps of my PTSD used Christianity to get away with their crimes.

 

[TLight]

2quilt........I'm so sorry you had the perps use religion. That must just be tortuous..........creeps.

Dave;
Thanks for you disgust. It helps. I seem to get predators after me all the time. Feel like a prey animal the moment I walk out the door. I know it has to do with my victimization.......my therapist says they can sense it. I just hate having to be in total fear of half the population.....but it seems to be the cards I was dealt. I learning to not even give a 'hint' of being a nice person around a guy. Sort of sad really.

 

[2quilt]

What is it about us that makes it possible for creeps to "smell fear" like dogs are supposed to be able to do? I have trouble trusting men too.

Do y'all menfolks out there have trouble trusting women?

 

[cragger65]

There are definatley more men predators, but there are women built much the same. It takes time and experience to trust anyone, yes? I find anyway.

 

[morgan]

I'm not a man but, I trust women far less than I do men. I believe women are worse predators just more subtle about it... very sneaky and manipulative!

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear TLight, having had similar experiences I felt like that too.

But now I wonder if it's not just (entirely) from being victimized- although that has a lot to do with "getting yourself out of it and responding to it, I find- but I think it has a lot to do with being a "caretaker", as you described. IMHO they try to pick people who are "too nice/compassionate/ will allow them to not respect (some) boundaries", initially.

And who's kidding who, for all we know they try to get away with it with anyone they can, maybe!