Confused And Torn Over 12-step Involvement

[Valentino]

What I wish they'd do is update the Big Book again to add some info on working with mental illness, trauma, childhood stuff, etc.

Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families (ACA or ACoA) World Service Organization (WSO) is a 12 step spin off that includes more attention to mental illness, dysfunctional families, trauma, inner children, etc. I found their 'Big Red Book' Fellowship Text to be pretty decent.

• “PTSD may be the most common disorder that befalls adult children of trauma.”
• “Most ACA members have some form of PTSD, which is often expressed in our hyper vigilance of our surroundings or our acute monitoring of comments or actions of others. This behavior is a carry-over from growing up on guard much of the time.”
• “Many adult children constantly survey their homes or relationships, looking for situations that could lead to shame or some other public act of criticism. In addition to fearing shame and abandonment, our hyper-vigilance is intensified by what many therapists call Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is most often associated with combat veterans or survivors of a traumatic event such as a car wreck or a catastrophic event. However, adult children suffer from PTSD as well. A PTSD event or events produce such a high state of threat or danger that experts believe it changes the body chemistry. Long after the threat has passed, the PTSD sufferer remains on “alert” to ward off future events that could re-trigger the fear of the previous fearful event.”

--- source: Link Removed

ACA doesn't have as many meetings as AA, but they do also offer telephone, internet & skype meetings, here's their online database link: Link Removed

My observations from attending different 12 step groups is that it seems to focus more on community and not as much with practical psychological tools. SMART Recovery is an alternative which supposedly offers tools based on scientific research, they also offer online meetings in addition to face to face meetings: Dead Link Removed

 

[Chava]

Thanks @Flossy and @Valentino ...if I decide not to rework all the steps with a new sponsor at this point, I'm already reminding myself I can still go to meetings (vs make it an all-or-nothing issue and quit AA). Still thinking, not deciding anything quite yet, though leaning towards not doing the step stuff right now. I wish I could say I was more involved, but I feel like I'm doing so much more in therapy right now and I get easily scattered. But the only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to quit drinking. Check.

 

[Chava]

Said "No thanks" to doing the steps with this person at the moment and she thanked me for being honest. I went to the AA meeting and felt all good with that. Nobody guilting me for not "doing the program" or whatever. I'm increasing my sleeping med dose tonight. Yesterday I was in pain all day. I didn't drink because I wasn't working steps the right way. The sleep and pain part (and trying out new meds and combinations of meds), and trauma stuff, have been difficult. So all stuff to work out with my M.D. and my therapist first.

whew

 

[KwanYingirl]

I never had a sponsor. From observation, it was clear to me that sponsors tend to promote their own style of recovery and see it as "the only way" I agree that it is important to work with a therapist on the trauma stuff. That shit requires someone with credibility.
You can go to step meetings and choose the time isn't right to actively address the step. Progress not perfection. Take what works for you and leave the rest for others. That sponsor has no right to take your inventory.
It's been my opinion that most alcoholics are dual diagnosis in one way or another. Take your journey Chava, what you know works for you and taking care of the trauma piece separately.

 

[rightkindofme]

12-step programs have a 5-10% success rate. Take the bits that work for you and don't worry about the rest. You don't need to walk the path someone else has walked in order to heal. You need to find the path that will work for you.

Many 12-step programs have flexible members who will help you get the support you need how you need it. Don't worry about being rigid and following a program that only helps a few people. Help you.