PTSD And Boredom....Having A Purpose

[Nicolette]

When I met Anthony he did not work other than the 'Forum' which he called work. It occupied his days but when he had times when he was unwell his days would then move from the Forum and be filled with movies and computer games. I found him somewhat anti-social during these times which was frustrating when I forgot he was sick.

Recently we moved and we are currently renovating the house. I have seen such a transformation in Anthony that it is somewhat remarkable considering Anthony cannot go to 'normal work'. He talks of the renovations as being his 'work' and he now gets up out of bed with a purpose rather than before when he would be lying in bed with his biggest decision being what should he do to fill his days... which was a decision between playing computer games, working on the Forum or watching the TV. Mind you sometimes I would come home and he would have pulled a computer apart. :rolleyes: I have found he is now more social and has not been ill other than when having to travel interstate. I feel like I am in a totally normal relationship with a totally normal person..... what an improvement!!

When I have asked Anthony why the big change he said he likes having physical things to do and likes working but.....working just by himself. Since having a purpose and something to do I see a transformation which I would like to keep. I guess I will have to work even harder so that we can buy and renovate another place when this one is done as I much prefer the Anthony I now have. :wink: He even goes out and deals with people at the Hardware store and now when I come home he has so much to talk about.

In my opinion 'having a purpose' is really beneficial for Anthony. What is your experience?

 

[reallydown]

Good to hear Anthony is doing so well...My big purpose now is...to watch the Olympics :P
On a mor serious note...I still struggle with this...Ther eare time when I wake up and plan to do something and even allow myself to get excited about it and then when I actually try to do it...I find that I have no energy and then I get even mor edepressed...which usually results in going online or playing solitaire or something...Not sur eif nay of that makes sense.

 

[rallynut78]

I know what you mean!:wall:

I was doing full time school and full time work (80+ hrs a week) before I crashed. I had been different ( less social and more anxious) since I had been home, but when a new manager came into my job we started butting heads before long and guess who won that battle. :stupid:But I found a much better job so it worked out in the end.

things were very bad for a while before I started getting help. I would spend my waking hours playing Grand Theft Auto and Richard Burns Rally. I have a job where I work graveyard 2 days a week and they are cool with me bringing my laptop so the games continue when I'm at work. (on those nights I watch people sleep on a psych ward) My wife has been struggling with my lack of ability to keep up with chores around the house and ends up doing most of it. I wish i could find the motivation to do more than sleep, work, and play video games. I can't even motivate to work on my jeep (which is my favorite thing to do) :dontknow:

I really want to get back into school but want to make sure I'm ready to handle it before I commit the $$,$$$

Anthony, where did you find your mojo? any tips or hints?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I work also. I work outside of my home and find that it keeps my sanity. I am up between 4 and 5 am ( I am not a morning person and need time to become human) I do my email, check the forum, get breakfast and then off to work by 7:30 am. Get home between 2-4 pm.

I am tired, in need of a vacation, but I really love to work. During the summer I work 6 days a week... When I do finally take a vacation, I find myself longing to get back to work. I get bored easily. I just like being busy.

When my symptoms were at an all time high yrs ago, I would clean like a mad woman, keeping busy actually helped me to fight off the anxiety and panic. I had a REALLY clean place then...Now with working, and I am tired I have a few dust bunnies floating around......

 

[Dylan]

How interesting! This topic came up with my counselor a couple of weeks ago. I think, once I get to a certain point (either in m healing, or coming out of a spin/heightened symptoms), I've put myself back together again enough so that I begin to want to interact with the world again. I have enough me to hold myself in one piece and still have some left over to contribute...if that makes sense.

Most of my life I thought that my purpose was to get to a place that I could help others find their way. The only rub is, I don't want to be a psych. or a minister so, not sure what it will look like.

-Dylan

 

[SweetpinNH]

I can relate to Anthony changing. The first few weeks I was on medical leave I was barely able to function other than take care of myself and simple dinners for DH and I. I spent a lot of time sleeping, watching TV or reading email and blogs.

Slowly I started taking an interest in taking care of our home. I became a homemaker and I love it. I have a sense of purpose now, even if I'm not earning a paycheck anymore. Like Anthony, I enjoy working by myself. Although I will gladly let DH help me paint around the home.

I am investigating my options for continuing to stay home and work from home. I can't imagine having to leave the house to go to work anymore.

 

[nic]

This is one reason that, despite how bad the PTSD may get, I HAVE to keep working. Even if I get triggered or such, work helps keep me sane.

 

[Marlene]

This is one reason that, despite how bad the PTSD may get, I HAVE to keep working. Even if I get triggered or such, work helps keep me sane.

That's exactly how I feel. I need a reason to get up and go each morning. I've seen what I'm like when I'm left to my own devices. It's not a pretty sight! I know if I didn't work that I wouldn't be nearly as far along in my recovery/healing as I am. Work helps to distract me from all of the negative voices in my head. It also helps to refocus my attention from inside to something outside of me. Plus it gives me the structure and stability I crave in my life.

Lisa

 

[2quilt]

i have to say that on days when i have appointments and people to meet, I am saner than on days when I have nothing in my schedule--those days i dont shower, leave the house, get depressed, eat and eat, and my day goes down the toilet.
I need that purpose to keep me un-depressed.

 

[brokenchild]

If I'm not really busy, I get REALLY depressed/triggered and want to do nothing except sleep. Summer is by far the worst since I don't have class AND the abuse happened during the summer. Classes start soon thankfully.

 

[trishok]

Ditto about purpose, structure and planning.
I did find that when I was working I coped better with structure, daily routine, concentrating on the job. Also had sufficient income to live comfortably.
Since not being able to work, the motivation is gone, the sense of worthlessness makes me isolate more and depression/dissociation loses time for me. I have a house that requires lots of work to renovate and make nice. I look at the work and zero out, or zombie in, whatever. It all seems futile. Don't know if it is laziness or illness, but there is no zest in doing anything at all. Totally flattened in mood. Thinking of going off the antidepressants and see if energy and motivation returns.
Just existing.
Prefer to not make the effort to go anywhere.
Glad I found this forum.
Trish

 

[Rivergirl]

i have to say that on days when i have appointments and people to meet, I am saner than on days when I have nothing in my schedule--those days i dont shower, leave the house, get depressed, eat and eat, and my day goes down the toilet.
I need that purpose to keep me un-depressed.

Hey 2Quilt, I hear ya. I find that the days when I am alone at home it is dog walk, TV, computer, nap, computer, nap, dog walk, TV, TV, TV, dog walk, bedtime.
Once a week I go into the city to see my counsellor and I get dressed (in fresh clothes), enjoy dropping in to places I used to shop like the little organic bakery and the nearby independant bookstore, and even love listening to my CDs in the car which I sing to at the top of my lungs.
I think that having somewhere to go and some variation in my life is good for me: I need to build in a little more of it.

Rivergirl