PTSD And Boredom....Having A Purpose

[nemofightsfire]

This is such a huge problem for me....

Before My accident I was a full time firefighter/EMT. I was the Captain of my shift and the Public Information Officer. More importantly I am a husband to a WONDERFUL wife and father to an incredible 2yr old son.
But to be completely honest with you since my accident at work on March 11 of this year I have been out of work and lacking a feeling of purpose.
Just before the accident I was working with other firefighters in my department and surrounding areas on developing firefighter safety presentation. (this was in respose to the Charleston 9)
Now since my accident all that responsibility has been taken away from me along with my PIO responsibilities.

I put it this way---
Everyday I went to work I was on "my ready." Granted somedays were boring and tedious. But there were days/nights where it would be me and my guys fighting hell! God it was awesome. I miss my fight. I miss having some since of purpose and reason.

I went to my dentist the other day and a nurse asked if I was back to work yet. I said no, not yet. Her response---"Wow, wish I could have a vacation like that!" Oh my dear goodness how I wanted to go off on her... But I didn't.

My psychologist says that it's a good thing that the department has removed my responsibilities. Especially since the he & the MD's arent sure if I can go can go back into firefighting. Ahhhhh more depression......

They keep telling me that this is the time for me to focus on me. But I can't do that. I keep thinking about my accident and where it has put me. So my flashbacks, disassociations and phobias just continue in a cycle....

I guess I just wanted to say that I understand the idea of being on pause. It's not easy, it's not normal. But I know that with my PTSD and other issues I cannot go back yet, if at all. Oh great now I'm tearing up damn it...

So I guess I have said my piece. I'm off to go practice my breathing...

I appreciate this forum.

Hope all are well,
Nemo....
esse quam videri.

 

[Annie]

As far as having a purpose goes, I have two.
1) Boo Boo Bear #1
2) Boo Boo Bear #2

that would be my kids :)

They deserve a happy healthy Mom.

 

[kers]

I am lucky enough to be able to work, and without my job I would be a mess. I do well having the daily routine and structure of going to work, but more importantly, my work gives my life meaning (I am a teacher). I feel like there is a reason for me to get up each day, that my work makes a difference in the world and in me.

 

[Animal]

I used to have a purpose, then i got taken out of uni for a while and i just crashed. Stopped going out and gernally went downhill rather fast. Ended up in hospital and am still recovering.#
Now however im trying to fill my day. Im applying for night school so that it fits in with my rubbish sleep patters (i cant sleep well of a night) and it sould give me a puspose.

Well done everyone who are still fighting.

 

[Mina]

That's wonderful to hear, Nicolette :smile:

The only thing I've been able to remain good and consistent and on top of through the incident and all is work. I loved my last job (which I left in June to quit working out of town), and my new one is very absorbing and I don't have to work with people all that much. I'm pretty good at focusing on it even when I haven't really slept the night before.

Besides that, I just got a guinea pig. I haven't had a pet (other than DH's dog that started all this) since my horse 7 years ago, and it feels really good. It's motivating because I have to think about taking care of something else before myself, something that can't take care of itself.

 

[Nicolette]

Its been interesting reading the replies here.

Anthony and I spoke about this today and when I told him that I felt that I was in a normal relationship lately he said "we can't have that now can we?!" :rolleyes:

Ahhh....lets hope it lasts.

 

[jods]

Hi Nicolette

I've noticed now that Ayden is at school full time that hubby is able to set up a routine on his terms.
I think having the power to plan his time to do what he wants around his appts has taken some extra stress off him.

As he is now offically an artist in my eyes (he sold his 1st painting last week) I see that as his new "job". I think it is easier to get up & get going if you have found something you enjoy doing & not something you just have to do.

lol, what is a normal relationship? I don't think we would enjoy one of those would we:wink: