Relationship Ptsd And Cell Phones??

[Faith1234]

Ok.. So my dear bf of 7 years is going through a hard time with his ptsd, and he starts therapy for the first time this Friday. But I do have a question...
He takes his phone everywhere with him, in his pocket.. It doesn't matter where he goes.. to the bathroom its with him, down stairs to play video games its with him, take a shower it goes in the bathroom with him. He recently about a little over a month ago started sleeping on the couch. This is the first time I have ever seen him isolated and distant due to ptsd.. But his phone is really bothering me.. Is this normal for men to do this while during his isolation and distance time? It was really bothering me one day so I asked him is there someone else or..? He always tells me no.. I mean he goes to work and literally comes home and goes down stairs and plays video games he doesn't go anywhere or do anything.
He comes up maybe 1-2 times for something to drink eat etc..
But we got our crib in the mail today and we actually put the crib up together which was nice, I'm due in July..
But his phone goes off cause he got a text and then he says he has to go take a dump 5 mins later. Ok so maybe he did.. but distance and isolation is hard in itself, and I try very hard to give him what he needs but if it didn't seem like he was hiding something I wouldn't feel the way I do..
But his phone it literally always in his pocket.. It started when he started being distant and isolated. Am I just over thinking things? Does this ever happen to anyone else?
Thank you for your help

 

[Parley]

my husband is a gaming junkie. if he isn't playing a game he's watching youtube. Drives me crazy. Yes, he takes his phone into the bathroom. he listens to music in the shower. he takes it to bed. If he stays in the car when I run in the store, I will have to wait when I get back in the car for him to finish what he started. We have limits though. He gets up early to play his play station so he gets his fix. I'm quick to tell him when the phone is getting on my nerves and we have basic rules like no phone at the dinner table. My husband doesn't have PTSD but has an addiction to his phone as well.

 

[Faith1234]

Or if I come home on lunch from work and I notice his phone is on the charger on the counter didn't pick it up just saw it there while I was making my lunch.. its either flipped over so the screen is no longer face up or its back in his pocket within 5 mins.. It drives me crazy!! Cause I just want to say something, but I don't cause I know he's going through this distance and isolation period and I don't want to make it worse.. I know he's got a lot of stress right now and I know saying I was pregnant just took him over his stress cup.. But this phone thing is really starting to bother me.. Cause it makes a person start thinking other things.. It's human.. He does not show me or tell me what he's doing on his phone, he just responds to who ever text him and puts his phone back in his pocket.. Me I don't do that, I have no need or want to.. I mean why? Why cant you just leave it on the coffee table.. I guess that's me.. I just wasn't sure if anyone else goes through this or possibly know if there is a reason, like part of PTSD or what.?

 

[Friday]

I used to be that way with my iPhone, when I was doing badly*. It's least function was that it was a phone. Although that was also useful. It was also a library, music library, movie library, TV, calendar, notes, alerts, interwebz, email, camera, photo library (that had everything from the memories frozen in time to remind me, to pics of important documents, ID, banking numbers, contact info, etc. Not just the family photos, but everything in my file cabinet, business cards to tax forms)... It was the repository of my life... And I knew exactly where it was. In my hand or my pocket. Like the comforting weight of my sidearm, it belonged on me at all times. As long as I had my iPhone? I wasn't truly lost. I was still me, still here, still doing this life thing. The single most "keep me functional" tool in my arsenal.

Used to, only because I've replaced it with a tablet. My tablet? Still the same lifeline.

* When I was doing well, half the time I didn't know where the hell I'd left my phone. Shrug. I didn't need the the life-backup, the grounding tool, the memory aid, the distraction. I haven't been doing well for several years, now. Used to be my phone only got attached to me for a few weeks here, a few months there. Any time my stress was ramped up.

 

[Casey_03]

I do that with my phone and I have no good reason to do it. I doubt that makes you feel any better ... but it might just be a compulsion.

 

[Kris10]

I do that with my phone and I have no good reason to do it. I doubt that makes you feel any better ......

At least you can acknowledge that! Sounds to me like you are on the right track.

 

[dulcia]

No real advice, other than you sound pretty frustrated and if you keep that in, it's likely to boil over eventually. Personally, my vet always has his phone handy unless he is drinking, then he leaves it around. So that might point back to what @Friday said in that once he starts drinking, the compulsion/anxiety/need for comfort (whatever it is) lessens. But mine is also into sports and it is March, so.....

 

[One step at a time]

Even though he may be very attached and secretive about his phone, I know a lot of people who feel and act that way about their phones for other reasons - because they are using this site and don't want others to know, because their privacy has been violated in other painful ways before, etc. So to me, his attachment to his phone is not, on its own, a sign of cheating.

What you have described does sound like a person using their phone as a coping mechanism. And it sounds like this coping mechanism is hurting both him and you - it is maladaptive. I hope he can find ways to heal so that he doesn't need the distraction from pain so badly, and in the meantime, I hope he can add some healthier coping mechanisms to his toolkit.
Sending support.

^ Sorry, also meant to add:
I have resisted getting a smartphone for years because it would allow me to block and isolate and hide from my life enough to slow me down or even prevent me from getting better. And I am in a place of trying to face what has happened, and learn to live with it - I'm done hiding, at least for now.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Ok.. So my dear bf of 7 years is going through a hard time with his ptsd, and he starts therapy for t...

I can understand your distress. Only someone that has something to hide would be secretive. Can someone be so attached to a gaming device? Perhaps, but I would be distressed at such behavior too.

If he does not answer to your questions you may have to wonder what is really going on, could be a dangerous place he is approaching, sort of detaching from humans around him. Can happen with PTSD.

 

[grimalkin]

The last few months, once my sufferer hit bottom (or close to it) of this PTSD spiral, he's been obsessively studying Japanese. From the time he gets up until the time he goes to bed, he's either at his computer or on his phone (he has an app that goes with the course he's taking), working on this Japanese course. If he's not doing that, he's playing a farm sim game that lets him zone out while concentrating on yield numbers and fertilizer and bushels per acre.

He also started getting protective of his media devices because he stopped trusting me, and, I suspect, so I can't find out what he's telling his family and the few friends he talks to. He put a password on his computer and an unlock pattern on his tablet. I wouldn't be surprised if he changed the unlock on his phone, since he thinks I remember it (I don't). PTSD kills trust.

But, to be fair, I did the same. My journals are digital, and accessible via my devices, and there's no way I want him to read them.

Could they (our sufferers) be hiding something? Sure. But I think it's more "generic" (for lack of a better word) than that. I think it's PTSD killing THEIR trust, and since phones are now games, distractions, and lifelines, it's something to cling to as well (as others before have said).

 

[Never_falter2]

I did not read every answer. I do not know much about you relationship. Some people who are secretive about their cell phones have reasons too... maybe they are. Heating but maybe that they are on a PTSD site or whatever and do not want people to find out.

My sufferer has a "special relationship" with his cell phone. He does not even use it very much nowadays but he sorts of panics if it is not there. One of the first things he does when he is stressed is to reach for it, so he knows that it is still there.
Actually I know several men with PTSD who are like this. I think one has to keep in mind here that cell phones do save lives in cases of emergency, so having you cell phone always with you might be a smart move... and it might give him reassurance... make him feel more prepared!

Video games? That is another story. What kind of video games does he play? Something related to his trauma?

 

[Faith1234]

Never_falter

He plays shooter games on Xbox One live with other people, not sure exactly which shooter games.. But I know every time I pass him down stairs he has a head set on talking to people and he's shooting.