Ptsd And Grad School

[reiki]

Recently, I have had an unbelievable time concentrating on my thesis proposal. The amount of stress from my advisor and with the expectations has pilled up so much that I think my PTSD has been triggered. I have started to go to places in my mind that I haven't been in a long time. Little things trigger extreme frustration and anger, to the point that I just want to explode. I literally feel like breaking something when I am like this (though, I do not actually do that). Nothing feels like anything anymore. I'm just not sure what to do. When I told my advisor that I'm having a difficult time with stress and the pressure, she told me that I need to just get over it and find a way to do so. I started writing my thesis proposal about a week before the semester began (fall 2014). We have been doing revisions and she expected that I would go over my proposal with my committee mid-september. This has not happened. Consequently, she has changed how she interacts with me. Last week she literally said that it seems as though I am "self-sabotaging." It's comments like this that are further hurting me in my abilities to focus and get my work done. I just don't know if I should discuss this with my advisor or not, and I don't really know how to do it. I've always kept these things to myself when it came to school. Has anyone experienced this or have any advice/comments. Thank yo.

 

[WillyKat]

First, welcome to the forum! I'll try to answer as best I can.

I had troubles holding myself together for my thesis too. It nearly broke me and I almost gave up and quit. In my case, it wasn't the pressure about the thesis, it was really that I finally got some therapy about the time I had started my thesis research. Then my priorities changed and I no longer cared so much about an academic career.

Are you getting therapy now? If not, I would recommend taking care of that first. Does your advisor know you have PTSD? I'm not advising you tell her (because even people with Ph.Ds can be idiots). She doesn't like she has much empathy. She probably thinks that she toughed it out, so can you. So if she's one of them, those that just lack empathy, it might be worth considering a different advisor.

I'm sorry to say that because it is a huge hassle. On the other hand, I have to say she's not giving good advice and doesn't seem to care. Her job is to support you, guide you, and not be an asshole while doing it. I just don't see how pushing you accomplishes anything.

If you're getting therapy, then talk this over with your counsellor. If not, you may want to look into it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi, and welcome!

Are you in your last semester now? Are you registered with disability services? If not, can you do that at this point? Unfortunately without the support of disability services, its up to your advisor as to how much leeway they will give you. That is, you may get a lot of sympathy, or none at all. If you are registered with disability services and your accommodation plan lists what you need help with, then you are protected by law.

 

[reiki]

Thank you for the replies.

I am not currently getting therapy. I did call someone today to see if they were accepting clients. My advisor is a social psychologist, so it's hard to deal with her responses to me. I've told her that I have concentration issues, etc., and hinted at other things. She can be hard to talk to because she doesn't seem to be empathetic.

I am in my third semester and I have never registered with disability services -- primarily because this is something that I've tried to keep to myself during my time in academia. This is becoming really difficult right now. Primarily because the nature of the work is significantly different and I've had a few stress triggers the last month.

Thanks again.

 

[WillyKat]

I think that's the right move. When I was in grad school and sought therapy, the first guy they sent me to was horrible. My advice is to tell them you want someone that specializes with … insert your own thoughts here.

Have you been diagnosed before? If so, is that person available or can they make a referral?

In the meantime, know that you are welcome to keep asking for support here. If you feel comfortable, vent away and you'll receive some good feedback.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Greetings,

Other options to consider might be voicing concerns/stresses in a comparatively contained fashion apart and away from an unsympathetic advisor; i.e. strategize away concerning means to reduce tension felt without risking deeper alienation for fielding feedback from those who may not be able to comprehend what graduate study entails in terms of all-encompassing commitment. The Chronicle of Higher Education has a message board function that facilitates communication between grad. students across disciplines, whereas you might also know of something called The Grad Student Café also accessible online.

Though circumstances factor against dedicating huge time to the perusal of so very many book titles dedicated to negotiating the graduate school experience, some are first rate and worth the investment. In particular I think of the old title Getting What You Came For: The Smart Student's Guide to Earning an M.A. or a Ph.D., although others title published both before and since surely exist. Know too that you could potentially interloan five or six titles in one blow, target the specific 'conflict with advisor' content, and photocopy away what you might then package as a conceptual first aid kit of a sort. Maybe not the stuff to detoxify a standing relationship with a particular advisor, but perhaps a pathway this to a certain knowingness and resilience which we all need. Keep that chin up!

M.

 

[Karen12]

I don't have any advice but I wanted to say I think you're very brave for going to grad school. I've always wanted to but I've never been able to get up the courage. It can be stressful even for non-PTSD people. I admire you!

Most campuses have counseling centers, could you talk to someone there? I would think they would keep your counseling information private.

 

[reiki]

Thank you, everyone. I appreciate the feedback.

I finally have been able to schedule a therapy appointment for the first week of November. And, I've decided that I'm taking the weekend to go back home to the Midwest where I can do my work and take some mental health days. I haven't felt the way I do in a long time and the isolation of thesis work is not helping. I have't told my advisor that I'm leaving for a few days out of fear for her reaction to this. It's just hard for me to handle even little things right now.

Thank you again.

 

[reiki]

I decided to go home for te weekend because of how bad things are for me mentally. I'm hoping that it will reset my mind. I feel guilty and like I'm a bad student at the same time because i know I should be working ony thesis. It's like a no win situation all the time.