Ptsd And How To Manage.

[Nomad88]

Understood about being difficult.
Reading up on BPD...the core fear is abandonment?
...So to her, askin...

She does have major abandonment issues. That is usually the core of the matter, she always feels that any time not spent with her is me running away or trying to get away, like I'll never come back.

Reassurance never seems to work so it's the same cycle.

 

[Nomad88]

It's been a while.

I spent 3 months, from December 5th to February 28th out in California with my girl. Everything went great. She was seeing a councillor and we were really happy. Since I've come home it's worse than ever. We have fought multiple times a week and I get no peace at all. I've seen my best friend once in 6 months and the whole time I spent with him she was, I guess, you can call it harassing me. Ringing my phone non stop so I couldn't even message back. Calling me on Skype, Facebook, my phone number. Posting passive aggressive pictures and quotes all over her Facebook indicating I don't spend enough time with her or something. Last night was the worst for me. I've been feeling really bad for the most of last year and recently gained a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, arthritis and IBS. I rarely get any sleep, maybe 4-5 hours a day, and spend all of my time with her. We spent 9 hours watching movies over Skype together and having a really good day. By the end of it I was exhausted.

At that point, 6 am for me, I'd been up almost 24 hours again, she wanted to talk about her feelings and emotions. I was stretched to my limit but like the good partner I try to be I stayed to listen and it turned very quickly into a witch hunt about how I'm not giving her enough or doing enough since I left to come back to England. I actually thought the time together might have helped our problems.

It was another three hours before I finally couldn't handle the argument anymore and said I was at my limit and I was done. She hung up on me (which if I ever do to her it's not worth living sometimes). I didn't get a message for ten minutes, which with how fast she responds, is a long time. I thought I could maybe get some rest, albeit very upset and angry, I was barely able to stay conscious.

I went to sleep for 5 hours, woke up to 61 messages and a 2000 word email about how our relationship is in danger and we need to fix it. The messages were all inflammatory, passive aggressive quotations and images. She made this whole thing out to be my fault and if I'd just have been a "little bit more" compassionate it wouldn't have happened this way.

I think that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm being emotionally abused and I'm not okay with it.

 

[scout86]

I'm being emotionally abused and I'm not okay with it.

You've been ALLOWING yourself to be emotionally abused, but I'm glad you're finally not ok with it. She really doesn't sound like she's at a point in her life where she's "healthy relationship material". Not everyone is. She needs to get her own stuff sorted out first. That's not your responsibility. It's possible that you refusing to continue playing along might inspire her to work on her own issues. (Or not).

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm glad that you can see that you're being emotionally abused.

Stress kills. I wonder how many of your physical ailments would resolve if you ceased contact with this woman.

I encourage working through relationship issues, but in your case I do not believe this woman is healthy enough to be in a relationship right now.

Please take care of yourself. Being a good partner involves having healthy boundaries. I hope you can work on strengthening yours.

 

[hangingon]

It sounds like you have changed, rearranged, and sacrificed for her. Then it does not bring peace. More demands, manipulation and control. None of those traits points to her loving and respecting you. And yes, she needs treatment. Having a condition cannot be something to hide behind and treat others poorly. You need to set boundaries for yourself. If you choose to remain in this relationship, which sounds toxic and I don't recommend, butif you do it should come with stipulations. She needs eeffective therapy. What she is currently doing or not doing is not working. Setting boundaries and standards for yourself will help her as well. It may not feel like it because there will be an emotional outpouring or explosion once you do. However she will never change these controlling/manipulating tactics otherwise. She has not developeed effective relational tools. It will take a very long time to develop new ones and unlearn current habits. I really wish you well this is a difficult road to be on either way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

PTSD is not an excuse for bad behavior, and your girlfriend is exhibiting very bad behavior. More like a spoiled child wanting/demanding her own way. It's one thing if she is truly sick from being triggered, but she (in my opinion) using her PTSD to control you and your relationship. I suggest you start using strong boundaries, and learning to say no!!! Otherwise if she continues to act like a child, then treat her as such.

I'm sure that some people here will not appreciate this post, but this is just my opinion.