Ptsd And Im Scared

[onesie]

My heart hurts my mind hurts. I don't know how to handle this. I used to be so outgoing, so positive. Nothing ever bothered me. Now I fear everything.

I have ptsd and I'm just now looking at my life and I can't believe its mine. I was so mistreated and abused, and blamed for anything and everything and now since this evil human being terrorized and did everything but kill me. I have a hard time feeling life. What is this y'all, am I ok.

 

[rainy_daze]

I hear you onesie.

Do you have a therapist and support for your diagnosis?

You will find ways to handle how you feel. It takes time. It takes learning. I know maybe that sounds like a cliche, but that is my experience. MyPTSD has helped me a lot, but it is a process.

You asked if you are okay, and what I can say is you're a person with feelings (and sometimes that feeling of finding life hard to feel, as you said), and it is okay to feel awful when someone has terrorized you.

I'd suggest starting with reading the wiki pages if you have a PTSD diagnosis. There's a lot to take in though, so be gentle with yourself. There are many caring people here who understand. I hope that can help you, even if it's just to know that people understand how you feel because they have felt the same. Sorry that is all I can say for now.

I wish you all the best in starting to heal. Welcome to the forum.

 

[onesie]

Thank you rainy-daze. I have a wonderful boyfriend that supports me and I'm seeing a psychologist. Each day I wake up with repetitive thoughts, fear, sadness, afraid I'm going to be hurt again, I know he's out there and I remember the trauma only as if it was just a dream.

I can't remember it as my life though. I was helpless and my life was turned around. I stood up to him in court and won. He raped me, smacked me, threw me around, locking me out, wouldn't let me sleep. Each time I would get away he would convince me he would stop.

My family didn't care, my birth mother abused me too and each time I reached out I was told I deserved it. It hurts soooo much and I am sooo glad I joined this forum. At least I know I have hope, and I'm not alone..

 

[franciemarnie]

When my PTSD hit, I felt like my personality completely changed and that I would never be positive and outgoing again too. But as time went by and I started healing, my old spark returned.

It will not be like this forever! Although I know it can feel so awful sometimes.

You are not alone.

 

[onesie]

Exactly. I was always so bubbly, sweet, carefree. Now I am just the opposite.

It makes me so mad. All of it, is sooo much to digest..ugh..

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi welcome onesie. No you are sure not alone in those feelings. I hope you find support and understanding here. :hug:

 

[onesie]

Hello junebug, thank you so much. I look forward to the support. I just need to open up to people that understand. Even if I can't right now.