Emerg Services Ptsd And Me: A Cop's Perspevtive

[Mike5101]

Hello,

I'll introduce myself as its only polite. I'm Mike, I'm a Cop and I struggle. A few years back I was involved in and incident where a violent subject suddenly collapsed and died. Despite my best efforts and the efforts of medical staff the guy passed away.

Since that life event I've experienced nightmares, cold sweats, hyper vigilance etc etc. I sometimes can't even walk around a supermarket if it's too busy because my head goes on a swivel and I'm waiting for "it" to happen... The nightmares are really real and I end up jerking or jumping in bed, I get an overwhelming feeling of dread and I eventually tire myself out and get a few hours sleep.

I've recently entered into a new relationship and this girl seems to have taken all this in her stride! I know right? But even this has started to play on my mind, I'm convinced I'll get hurt by her, that she will cheat on me or eventually get fed up of my reactions and leave. When we have sex I hardly ever ejaculate the first time and we often end up having to do it again once I've relaxed. This is an issue for me.

I guess this is just me getting things off my chest and I'd love to hear from anyone that has a view or wants to comment.

Thanks

Mike

 

[TXbandit]

Hello, Mike. Welcome to the forum!

 

[RussH]

hi Mike welcome to the forum.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums! :)

 

[Gadgie]

Welcome to the site Mike.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome Mike! So glad you are here.

 

[Disgruntledgrunt1577]

Welcome to the forum.
I can relate to you on a lot of levels.
Especially the supermarket part, groups, standing in lines, any situation in which I can't watch everyone and everything for danger, is a red flag for me. I'll start to sweat, and my hands'll shake. It gets bad more often than I like to admit.
So you're not alone in that respect.
With your woman, I can't say too much.
For me, it was just completely different.
I left as one person and came home someone that wasn't anything like who she knew before hand.
But her and I weren't meant to be anyways.
This woman of yours sounds like she genuinely cares for you.
I'd say that you just have to trust your gut.
I do, regardless. It's gotten me home when the shit gets thick before.
Cheers

 

[Mike5101]

Grunt,

Thanks for the reply, it makes things a little easier to know I'm not a jumpy freak. The initial post is pretty vague but I guess that's what we do huh!

The nightmares are crazy real at times and make no sense and it's got to a stage now that my body works through every traumatic event I've seen or been a part of, almost like it's stuck on some form of loop just trying to make sense of things.

In relation to my girl, I honestly have landed firmly on my feet with her, the thoughts about cheating etc are irrational and when I'm good I know how ludicrous they are, I fear I may push her away due to my reactions at times like asking if she's ok all the time mainly because I'm not. Unfortunately for her sometimes no matter how many times she tells/shows me how loved I am I'm still in fight/flight and expect to get hurt. I guess I need to get a grip and let her know how special she is and how she helps me cope

I hope things are well for you and I hope you're on your way to being the best you. Stay strong

 

[Disgruntledgrunt1577]

My nightmares are normally the same few events, just like on replay. They used to really freak me, but they've been going on for long enough now that I'm used to waking up in a sweat. I don't like it by any means, but hey.

You may want to try to explain things to her, like an actual honest explanation. "I love you and this is why I'm going to be up front, this is how I am" you know? I never did that. Instead I tried to keep it locked up, and when I was near the retarded intoxication level, it started spilling out. She never looked at me the same, which was all for the better in the long run anyways, because I'm not the same at all. But if I ever start over with someone else, I'm going to be up front. By no means am I going to say every little detail, but I'm going to make it clear that I am a different person and that they need to understand that. I think that's fair enough. Besides, I hate liars.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Hi Mike

Sorry I didn't see this thread earlier. I'm a supporter, and I met my husband when he was still a police officer, and had just been diagnosed with PTSD.

You may want to try to explain things to her, like an actual honest explanation.

I completely agree that you should make her aware that you can react unexpectedly in what seem like normal, safe situations.

But also that whilst you may (at least appear) to take something in your stride one day, the next day could be completely different.

Definitely warn her about the nightmares, as it can be terrifying for us too!

I knew about hubby's PTSD from day one, so at least I was aware that he had 'issues'. I was quickly able to discern him being awkward from him struggling. He still has rough patches were he won't leave the house on his own as 'they' are watching.

Medication has helped him greatly, and he goes to group therapy once a week. He is on the NHS waiting list for trauma counselling, but they can't even tell us how long the waiting list is.

What support do you get from the NHS and your force?

Take care.

 

[The Albatross]

I think the new relationship thing... is likely being aware how vulnerable you are to the possibility of adversity right now? Welcome Mike.