PTSD and Me - Complex PTSD

[2tired2deal]

hello
I have complex PTSD; I've know about PTSD for years, didn't know about the complex part til recently, but it fits. I go through times when I feel 'fine' and try to live life, then times (like now) after a therapy session, when I just feel, well, broken. I'm 46, halfway through this life, haven't accomplished a d**n thing because of all the emotional baggage I've been trying to deal with. Don't know if this forum will help or be any different than abuse survivor forums; just know that living with this 'disorder' leaves me feeling empty. All the different emotions that come flying up from various places without warning. . . so draining, ya know? And the flashbacks; I'm so tired of those. . . anyway, that's me.

 

[sunnydaze]

2TIRED2DEAL,
Welcome, I hope you find this forum helpful. Everyone seems nice and helpful with advise if you ask for it. Or you can write and get things off your chest which makes me feel better.
sunnydaze

 

[SoloJade]

welcome to the forum

 

[upstream]

Welcome, you are in good company!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[morgan]

Hi. Welcome to the forum.

 

[nie]

Welcome to the fourm.

 

[dlross]

Hello 2t2d,

hello
I'm 46, halfway through this life, haven't accomplished a d**n thing because of all the emotional baggage I've been trying to deal with.

I am 47 and feel the same way. Looking back all I see is a wasteland. Still, we have survived this long. I guess that counts for something. I am not much good at focussing my gaze on the future yet, but I hope someday it will dominate my thoughts the way the past does now.

dlross

 

[Roo]

hello ...I just feel, well, broken. I'm 46, halfway through this life, haven't accomplished a d**n thing because of all the emotional baggage I've been trying to deal with...just know that living with this 'disorder' leaves me feeling empty.

2tired...You're in good company here.

On my best days, I tell myself that having survived my infancy and childhood was accomplishing alot. Whatever you've been through...you've survived it. It takes raw strength and a fierce will to live, despite all. It does leave you empty and exhausted to the core.

It also leaves you to find kindred souls who speak your language. You'll get through this.

All the best to you, and welcome :smile:

Roo

 

[Cindy]

We all get through somehow ...

Welcome :) I have had some periods up to two or three weeks of good symptom free time. I hold those times dear. Currently in the bleak period for the past 7 months. But I have started back up again. It's a roller coaster. But I see other people just ahead of me in recovery who have slowly increased their good periods for extended times. Our day will come. I have to believe that or why did I bother struggling all this way for the past 15 years? Keep up the good fight.

When your exhausted, as I am now, just do good things for yourself. Sleep, do the things that distract you and give you some time in the present.

 

[2tired2deal]

Thanks everyone, for the welcome. I hope to get to know you over the coming weeks/months. It's helpful to have someplace like this, because often times just leaving the house is a challenge... I'm in school, and just finished the quarter. My final was today, and I tanked, which is discouraging because at the mid-term I was carrying an "A". My T pointed out that I recently had an anniversary of something, coupled with a comment someone made and it threw me into a tailspin. I HATE that. I was doing well, and I seemed to have sabotaged myself. Well, part of me did, anyway.
I struggled to finish the class, but I really needed an A or B grade to get into this program I'm trying to get into; now I'll have to pay and retake this class and that's a bummer too since I"m not working. (I have a wonderful spouse who currently supports me).

I'm taking the weekend off and surprising my hubby with a getaway (I can pay for it because my birthday was recently and I bought a scratch lottery ticket and won $500!!! Happy birthday!) so he doesn't know and I REALLY need to regroup and refocus for the next quarter. Even tougher class coming up.

Thanks for everyone's support. I hope to return in kind.

 

[Stephen]

I have complex PTSD; I've know about PTSD for years, didn't know about the complex part til recently, but it fits. I go through times when I feel 'fine' and try to live life, then times (like now) after a therapy session, when I just feel, well, broken. I'm 46, halfway through this life, haven't accomplished a d**n thing because of all the emotional baggage I've been trying to deal with. Don't know if this forum will help or be any different than abuse survivor forums; just know that living with this 'disorder' leaves me feeling empty. All the different emotions that come flying up from various places without warning. . . so draining, ya know? And the flashbacks; I'm so tired of those. . . anyway, that's me.

Hello there. I have exactly what you have my friend. The only way i can keep it at bay is to say "I am not my mind, my body or my emotions". "I am that which controls them". They are not me. They are not in control of me.

I am in control of them.

What happens is you then find yourself with a very different dilema. the dilema of emptiness. Because, in that state of mind - there is no content to stuggle with - and that is a very foreign, lonely place.

But the good thing is - i can pop back between these states as and when i need to. I don't believe that you will ever completely remove the damage in your head - but i do believe that thinking the above will enable you to at least move between dimensions. Once you have learnt to find this new place above all your woes, you (like me) can concentrate on how to make this new frame of mind - a joyous and productive place to be.
Love & Light
Stephen