Sufferer Ptsd And My Facial Scar Are Slowly Killing Me

[Scarface]

@Stickler

Money is not an issue and microdermabrasion won't work. I've already had 1 surgery and it failed. Then my surgeon cut me loose and said there was nothing else he could do. What a jerk. But trust me, I'm on it and won't give up until I fix it to a point that I feel comfortable with.

Makeup doesn't work. The scar is wide, deep, and sunken in. I lost tissue in the accident, it was not a simple cut. So makeup actually makes it look worse. But I really appreciate your suggestions. You are one of the only people on here who is actually trying to help me fix my scar, which is the cause of my distress.

 

[Scarface]

I have to confess, I've been reading this (reread the whole thing) and wondering where the line is between "minimizing" and "invalidating" and standing back and not calling BS when someone, on the one hand, seems to be looking for help and, on the other, is holding on to a distorted version of reality for all they're worth. I was also looking for evidence that you've sort help through therapy and all I found was a reference to a T telling you you had PTSD.

So what the hell is your story that you are so quick to judge and criticize? I'm guessing you don't have facial scarring/disfigurement or you would understand how awful and traumatizing it is to go through.

I've been in therapy since the accident happened and tried several different therapists. It's just not working. The therapist even told me I'm not making progress and we might be better off not continuing.

It's not about being the life of the party for me. Simple day to day tasks like going to the grocery store suck. I also have a professional career as a consultant where I have to network and present in front of important CEOs/Presidents. Trying doing that with a 3rd eye on your face for them to stare at rather than listen to what I have to say. It's debilitating. I can't stand to be in pictures anymore and you can't hide your face in a picture! And dating? Forget it! I can't change that our society is so focused on looks, that pictures, selfies, and social media are the way of the future. I used to be confident, outgoing, and adventurous. Now I'm forever shy, withdrawn, and self-conscious. I'm a recluse because of my scar. Just imagine what it's like not being able to comfortably escape your problems in a public setting even just for a second.

I'm assuming you have no clue what it's like to walk around branded for life.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Trying... so... hard... not to say anything. Fail.

I really hope you get your beauty back so people can see the real you. A word of advice though, you might want to bugger off. There are people here who have survived and recovered from things that would make you go on a killing spree. You have no idea how unbelievably offensive your shallowness can be. None. It is frankly amazing that you got as far as you did in life being nothing more than a pretty face (according to you). So sorry none of your trained therapists "get it". The silver lining, assuming you fail to force some quack clinic to suicide you for being such an idiot, is that someday, if you can survive this huge blow to your reality, you will actually discover a much richer world in which people are not judging you for the (yes, very ugly) face you are presenting. As for your established life having been decimated by external events well beyond your control? Well, you could join the club, or you could go on and on about how God made you the prom queen and you're gonna kill yourself if he doesn't say he's sorry. The problem is, no one is going to give a shit. You would literally have better luck whining to Facebook, which at least is a narcissism club.

If you don't like the antagonism, maybe back off slinging judgment (and absurdly shallow judgment, in character) to people who are legitimately trying to offer wisdom. In fairness, nothing about your post suggested you were *asking* anything, so maybe that's what's got you so bent out of shape. This isn't an online plastic surgery, nor does anyone here have advice about how to go about killing yourself.

 

[The Albatross]

I think I would pause to consider that in November, your disfigurement was 7 months old. I am sorry that your first attempt at reconstruction failed, yet also know that post surgical healing is 6 months sometimes to a year.

I know from my own experience that discoloration takes time. In addition to my facial scar, I had a 3/4's full steam iron scar on my right leg above the knee. That took more than a couple years to resolve... like 5. It is gone now, no one would ever know... but me.

I would suggest that you pause to consider that in addition to pursuit of surgical options for reconstruction, you realize the significance of time in healing.

 

[Stickler]

Not *just* regular makeup. I meant stuff like scar tape, or a glue-in latex piece that could THEN be puttied over with concealer, AND then you put foundation over THAT.

I've spent many halloween seasons working in haunted houses, and I've seen makeup artists make people look extremely deformed, decayed, PUT Pus-filled wounds on people, all sorts of grotesque stuff.

Like...this last year customers peed the floor regularly and occasionally pooped themselves where I worked.

...I shit you not.

If makeup can do THAT, I am convinced that it can cover the big pock in your head.

My suggestion would be to go to a place that sells materials for stage makeup to find someone who does special effects makeup, or to look for someone who does special effects makeup online...and then pay said person to help you find a way to REALLY hide that scar so you can conceal it very well under bright lights. It will take you a bit to get yourself ready in the mornings.

I know you said you hate bangs, but bangs, short ones, thinned a bit with thinning shears, sideswept and shellacked stiffly into place with a ton of gel really would help direct the eye away from the fill piece or scar tape and and putty and concealer. Camouflage for it, basically. It will visually break up the outline rather like netting is used to break up the outline of a sniper hiding in the trees.

I still think you ought to do therapy at the same time?
But I can't make you change your mind, so I'm going to give you advice that you'll actually use.

As far as a plastic surgeon?
...I was thinking a fat transplant from somewhere else in your body to your forehead scar...OR an implant underneath to lift the caving in, combined with microdermabrasion to remove the surface all around to make an even appearance...I know little about the hazards or success rates of either.

But it will be a process, I think? Because the transplant/implant's going to have to heal before the microdermabrasion PROCESS starts...

Concealing the scar with the latex piece and special effects makeup and camouflage bangs every day before you go out the door is going to have to be your daily routine if you don't want to mentally adjust yourself to having it... For the next few years.

With microdermabrasion? Um...you'd kinda be getting your forehead sanded off, which would be just as unpleasant as it sounds.
You probably just got a lousy plastic surgeon, TBH.

...This would seem to be a hell of your own making...:(. But ok.

I am pretty sure it can be concealed with latex fill, spirit gum and putty concealer then covered over with foundation.

 

[Kailani]

Hi,

I am so sorry you are going through that! It is difficult!! Many burned people have issues for many years then supposedly get better!!! It must be hard having something right present when everyone talks to you. I felt very self conscious with a dog bite that was huge and scabbed on my face in the past. Over time it did get better. There are always new treatments coming out and I would recommend a specialized burn makeup artist because they really know scar tricks. You could also go to a dermatologist and see if they can add fillers so it's not so sunken or any other treatments. Remember looks fade but the real beauty comes from within; the love you show to yourself and others, all creatures! I've had friends with big birthmarks on their face; people don't notice it after awhile; they care about you. Take a breath, it's still early in recovery. Treat yourself great as you can. Get another surgeon opinion. Try to find a surgeon with a great reputation not just any plastic surgeon. Keep up therapy and if you need to find another therapist or support groups. Don't let a scar determine your life. May you find the strength to overcome this obstacle.

 

[Scarface]

Trying... so... hard... not to say anything. Fail.

Wow. Really?

I came here because I am suffering. Bad. Because I had an object smack me in the face and rip it open down to my skull. I had friends and family (who know nothing about scarring) tell me that I'll be fine, that it will fade, that it will be barely noticeable after it healed. Well, it didn't turn out that way. I watched my destroyed skin swell and deteriorate every day for 6 months. The pain was awful and I couldn't even raise one of my eyebrows anymore. Then I had my face cut open while I was awake, in a failed attempt to repair it. And don't even get me started about how big of assholes plastic surgeons are. They act like they are God and have huge egos. They cater to cosmetic surgery, not reconstructive. So to top things off, when I visit a new doctors, I frequently see some dumb 20/30 something year old in the waiting room whining because she has a tiny wrinkle on her face and needs Botox. Or some idiot wanting a smaller nose because God didn't make it perfect enough. Or some 50 year old woman trying to turn back the clock on aging with a facelift. Those, my friend, are your "beauty queens."

I have to wear this "badge of honor" every day for the whole world to see. FACIAL TRAUMA sucks! And I didn't come on this board pointing fingers and criticizing anyone. I came here to vent, share my story, my pain, my frustrations. Some people have been supportive and kind. But people like you and Scout are unbelievable. Tell me, what judgement have I slinged? The only one who is slinging judgement here is you!

 

[Scarface]

Oh and I went through all of this scarred to leave the house because I didn't want anyone to see my horrific wound. So to top things off, I was suffering AND totally isolated, like some freak.

Yeah, I'm a beauty queen.

 

[Scarface]

And for the record, I got injured doing something athletic and interesting, something that a real beauty queen would never do for fear of breaking a finger nail. And yet I got punished. It was a stupid risk that I took which resulted in a freak accident and I regret it every day.

 

[Kintsugi]

But I really appreciate your suggestions. You are one of the only people on here who is actually trying to help me fix my scar, which is the cause of my distress.

You have PTSD. You are on a PTSD forum looking for support. A huge number of difficulties you describe are just as poignant in survivors without facial disfigurement. And you are here for advice on how to fix your scar?

So what the hell is your story that you are so quick to judge and criticize?

If you've been reading the forums, you know that members here have survived sex trafficking, incestual rape that started at todderhood or before, kidnapping, torture, gang rape, war zones, cults, and--yes--many both accidental and intentional traumas that left permanent scarring in a variety of places in addition to debilitating bodily damage. I see many members on this thread who are giving up their free time to respond to your problems, and you throw this in their faces? Tell me, do you know what it's like to not have a family, because your family tortured you? Raped you? Do you know what it's like to see dozens of friends die in a single blast that very well might claim parts of your body as well? Please, have a modicum of respect on these forums.

I've been in therapy since the accident happened and tried several different therapists. It's just not working. The therapist even told me I'm not making progress and we might be better off not continuing.

Was there ever a hint that perhaps therapy isn't working because you were seeing a psychotherapist and insisting they "fix" your face?

Simple day to day tasks like going to the grocery store suck. I also have a professional career as a consultant where I have to network and present in front of important CEOs/Presidents...

And dating? Forget it!

I used to be confident, outgoing, and adventurous. Now I'm forever shy, withdrawn, and self-conscious. I'm a recluse because of my scar. Just imagine what it's like not being able to comfortably escape your problems in a public setting even just for a second.

Shockingly, even those of us who are not physically disfigured struggle with these, because PTSD will do this to you. So perhaps you should stop coming to a PTSD forum claiming it's all about the scar when you have been diagnosed with PTSD, which is a condition you can actually put in hard work to improve. Do you think those of us who have been kidnapped have an easy time going to the grocery store? Do you think those of us who were nearly killed by an abusive spouse, date raped, or otherwise traumatized by what was supposed to be a romantic situation have an easy time dating? Put it this way: you worry what a guy will think about your face. I wonder at what point he might rape, stalk, kidnap, or kill me.

I'm assuming you have no clue what it's like to walk around branded for life.

Nope. Those of us with a chronic neurological problem due to a traumatizing event or recurring traumas throughout our lives have no idea what it's like to face down a life forever altered.

I know it's not the same, but I recommend you someday read Autobiography of A Face and Truth & Beauty. Lucy Grealy has a personal (now tragically empty) space in my life. I can't tell you how sad everyone was that she simply could not look at the bigger picture of what was holding her back from living a fulfilling, beautiful, happy life, surrounded by loved ones as she was.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it in yourself to focus on the issues that are really killing you. Spoiler: your face is not the only problem you're going to have to learn to cope with. The good news? This community is obviously here to help you, as they have been trying to do throughout this thread.

 

[scout86]

So what the hell is your story that you are so quick to judge and criticize?

My story is none of your business and I seriously doubt you care, but I wasn't all that quick, this is page 2. People have been working pretty hard to get you to see some valid ideas.

I'm guessing you don't have facial scarring/disfigurement or you would understand how awful and traumatizing it is to go through.

The worst scars I have aren't physical. I believe I'd trade places with you, if that was possible. The worst physical scar I have affects my ability to use my right hand a little. Nothing I can't work around and I don't think most people notice that part of one finger isn't actually there.

I also have a professional career as a consultant where I have to network and present in front of important CEOs/Presidents.

Sounds like an opportunity to be an inspiration by being an example of someone who courageously rises above adversity to me. :ninja:

My point was, you can deal with this and make improvement or not. Your choice. I haven't seen anything to suggest that hand carrying someone to the finish line works And you don't need US feeling sorry for you, you're doing an outstanding job of that yourself. If you can't find another way to get around this and it's THAT bad, maybe suicide really is the option for you. I happen to think you have other and better choices if you chose to use them. The truth is, there are a lot of times in life when we don't get a do over. Things may never BE "good as new". That's a fact. But it doesn't mean things can't still work, or be good, or have value. You just end up on a different road, taking a different journey. Each journey has the value you chose to find along the way.

I'm assuming you have no clue what it's like to walk around branded for life.

I guess there are lots of ways a person can feel "branded for life", as others have said. I still say it's a choice to deal with it or not. As far as changing society goes, maybe you need to find a better class of people to run with. Not everyone judges people so superficially. (As has also been said around here.) Unless your physical appearance is really all there is to you, any "friends" who don't want to be friends just because of the scar were never really your friends. (Friends who don't want to be friends because you're devoting your life to wallowing in self pity are a different matter.)

 

[anthony]

And don't even get me started about how big of assholes plastic surgeons are. They act like they are God and have huge egos. They cater to cosmetic surgery, not reconstructive.

That isn't correct. Cosmetic surgeons cater to cosmetic procedures, plastic surgeons cater to complete and total reconstructive procedures. Things you're saying, border trolling versus seeking help for your PTSD and trauma. Please do not tell obvious untruths, that border trolling behaviour to insight arguments. Your account may be terminated if you continue such here, especially as a new member.

I have closed this thread due to becoming argumentative.