Becky and modernmama-I admire you both for your strenght with special needs children. I am not one to use cliche's such as "God only gives us what we can handle", but I think your children are lucky to have such caring parents. I DO have this belief that our children chose their parents. I learned this concept when going to a spiritual kind of group, and first thought that was nuts, I would not have chosen my family. Then I realized that my being born lifted our mothers depression and took heat off sisters. That concept was consistant with my personality and what I do in life. Even though I was the youngest, learning about our family dysfunction at early age and trying to share. Even though info was rejected, I know that was denial and my sisters really do get it.
I think that it is really important that we have a nurturing dialog (not critical one) going on in our head about the things we do good as a parent. Even using a journal at the end of the day and just writing 3 things that we did good as parents today, such as remaining calm and patient instead of becoming frustrated. We often overlook the good we do 100 times a day, but the one time we display our impatience we tend to focus on. For myself, I think it is so important because when the teen years come, (for those who are not there), that is when we often are the most critical, so if there is time to become more self assured and accepting, its before those years. So if there is one experience I think is of value that I can share with those with younger children, it would be that. Boost your self assurance now.
If it is not helpful-please disregard. I was a pretty confident parent until an accident. By now, my youngest 2 were 16 and 18, and the 18 yr old was graduating in a couple of weeks. My emotions changed. Now the criticism and strong will of my children felt very defeating. I was sensative and criticism hurt me alot, and I reacted. Eventually I began using alcohol, to the point it was almost daily. I was not falling down drunk or mean or anything, but it was not what I intended to model for my kids and I feel guilty for making them worry as this was different and I was a single parent so not as though they had another parent available. I sunk deeper and deeper into feeling like I failed. I didn't, I was just detoured. Forgiving ourselves and ridding of that guilt is necessary to change, to do our best, and accept when we feel we come up short-and we all do, ptsd or not. But with ptsd, we often lack good coping skills, and it is easy to fall into a more destructive behavior.
jlso-I think most parent (those who are honest), even without ptsd would say that they have times that they are physically going through the motions but are not there emotionally and mentally. Some more than others. I dont know if its ptsd, adhd, or head trauma, but I cant tell you how many times I ask my grown kids the same question. The first time told, I listened, but I did not hear and register information into memory. When is the awards banquet again? What did they say was wrong with your car? Where is your boyfriend running a marathon? They use to think I didnt care, now the understand my head is full, I do care, but am either distracted due to ptsd symptoms or just cant store anymore without repitition of the information. They have come to understand for me, and Im sure yours will too.
I think that it is really important that we have a nurturing dialog (not critical one) going on in our head about the things we do good as a parent. Even using a journal at the end of the day and just writing 3 things that we did good as parents today, such as remaining calm and patient instead of becoming frustrated. We often overlook the good we do 100 times a day, but the one time we display our impatience we tend to focus on. For myself, I think it is so important because when the teen years come, (for those who are not there), that is when we often are the most critical, so if there is time to become more self assured and accepting, its before those years. So if there is one experience I think is of value that I can share with those with younger children, it would be that. Boost your self assurance now.
If it is not helpful-please disregard. I was a pretty confident parent until an accident. By now, my youngest 2 were 16 and 18, and the 18 yr old was graduating in a couple of weeks. My emotions changed. Now the criticism and strong will of my children felt very defeating. I was sensative and criticism hurt me alot, and I reacted. Eventually I began using alcohol, to the point it was almost daily. I was not falling down drunk or mean or anything, but it was not what I intended to model for my kids and I feel guilty for making them worry as this was different and I was a single parent so not as though they had another parent available. I sunk deeper and deeper into feeling like I failed. I didn't, I was just detoured. Forgiving ourselves and ridding of that guilt is necessary to change, to do our best, and accept when we feel we come up short-and we all do, ptsd or not. But with ptsd, we often lack good coping skills, and it is easy to fall into a more destructive behavior.
jlso-I think most parent (those who are honest), even without ptsd would say that they have times that they are physically going through the motions but are not there emotionally and mentally. Some more than others. I dont know if its ptsd, adhd, or head trauma, but I cant tell you how many times I ask my grown kids the same question. The first time told, I listened, but I did not hear and register information into memory. When is the awards banquet again? What did they say was wrong with your car? Where is your boyfriend running a marathon? They use to think I didnt care, now the understand my head is full, I do care, but am either distracted due to ptsd symptoms or just cant store anymore without repitition of the information. They have come to understand for me, and Im sure yours will too.
