General PTSD and the Sense of Time Passing

[Maenad]

Can someone please tell me if PTSD affects a person's sense of time? My partner has probably had PTSD since he was about 11. Back in October we split up very briefly. He had a breakthrough and realised how badly he had been behaving and how much drinking had to do with it. He stopped drinking and things between us have improved enormously. He got a job and pledged to take care of the bills.

Unfortunately he made a complete mess of the bills. We were very nearly evicted because he only paid about half the rent between October and March. We had to get an expensive loan to pay it. It's a similar story with the rest of the bills. Foxtel and the phone have been cut off for over a month and today the gas has been cut off.

With the rent he told me that he really thought he'd been paying it OK. In reality, as the bank statements show, he would pay a fortnight's rent every second fortnight. He had hardly paid anything on gas and electricity but he had thought he'd paid enough to stop us from getting into trouble.

He habitually avoids opening the mail.

However when it comes to keeping the cable internet connection he's got that all sorted out and paid automatically and on time. Playing online games is his escape and at times it is his addiction.

There are also other situations in which he doesn't seem to register time passing or what time it is in relation to what is planned ahead. He won't notice that it's 1am on a Monday morning when we both have to get up early for work and university. He'll actually be disappointed if I don't want to stay awake another 2 hours to watch a DVD with him.

This sort of thing has been going on for years and years. Is it to do with his PTSD? Or is he just being an inconsiderate twat? :think:

 

[Lisa]

haha "or is he just being an inconsiderate twat"...sorry but I found that amusing, it's something I would say!

... well... I must say I have great difficulty with sense of time. I am known for saying "what day is it? Is it monday, tuesday or wednesday? What's the date?"... I lose track of where I am in time very often.

If it wasn't for me having a diary that I have trained myself to look at everyday I wouldn't know where I am and probably wouldn't pay bills on time either. I have already written on every bill date, every month in the diary when I have a bill and how much. I write it on the day before it's due, so if anything I tend to be early just in case I forget to look at my diary that day. When I'm in a bad space, I write every day what I have to do... else I'll wake up, get so far, and then be hit my symptoms and I get caught up in PTSD and totally forget whatever I had to do that day.

If I didn't have my diary I would think it is June and not May (did this yesterday in fact).

For me personally... I reckon it's PTSD. It could just be me being skitty and blonde... however, I think it is PTSD because I find that when I'm in a strangehold of it, going through lots of symptoms, or lots of outside stress on top especially... to me it doesn't feel like one day ends and another even begins. My nights are as traumatic as the days at times... I don't switch off, and don't relax... it's emergency mode non-stop at times like this. It makes sense that if someone is in such a high state of vigilance and anxiety that sense of time would be affected, and remembering simple things like bills becomes low priority to a PTSD sufferer who feels in threat in the now...

Basically... too much in the cup, it overflows and a person can't keep up with the spilling... same for everyone I guess... if you have too much on your plate, you end up forgetting things... except in this case it's quite extreme and continuing...

I really recommend a calender on the fridge of important dates for bills etc., and a diary to list what needs to be done when... and then reminding him to look at it every day until it becomes automatic!

 

[Nicolette]

Good advice Lisa!

While Lisa says she struggles she has been very smart and trained herself to deal with her shortcoming (sense of time). That is managing your illness and being responsible.

As for your partner, well, I think he is kidding himself and you unfortunately (and I say that in the nicest possible way). I can't see why he can keep the cable and internet paid and not the others unless it comes down to importance. Is there some other way you can manage it? Sometimes if you are not capable of doing something yourself it can be helpful to engage someone who can help you.

 

[Cowgirl]

Some people are good with bills. Some aren't. Depression plays a part. PTSD and depression go hand-in-hand. Sometimes people who are depressed (PTSD or not) have trouble dealing with things like opening mail and keeping track of bills. It is too much energy to invest, and they just don't have it.

It is not unusual for a carer to have to take charge of the finances. To do this, you would need a joint account to which you both contribute. The carer would then pay all the bills out of that account as they come due.

 

[Nicolette]

Another option would be to arrange to have the bills direct debited from his account on the due date. Perhaps you could fill out the authorities and have him sign them so that going forward the process would be automated?

 

[Maenad]

My nights are as traumatic as the days at times... I don't switch off, and don't relax... it's emergency mode non-stop at times like this. It makes sense that if someone is in such a high state of vigilance and anxiety that sense of time would be affected, and remembering simple things like bills becomes low priority to a PTSD sufferer who feels in threat in the now...

Thanks so much Lisa. This makes a lot of sense to me. Nights are often traumatic for him. He's had pretty bad insomnia since the events way back when he was 11 and the computer gaming was his escape from it back then too. So it makes sense that the bills to cover the gaming would be a higher priority than any other, especially since he's given up the drink and drugs. Growing up he had no good examples of how to be organised either. Family life just lurched from one mess or crisis to the next.

When I put up notices (usually reminders for myself) he does pay attention to them so a big calender on the fridge sounds like the way to go.

The thing is I'm not a naturally organised person myself. It's very much the square peg in a round hole thing for me. (And I used to be a secretary so I know what I'm talking about!) So I'll personally miss some bill or other thing too. I'm much better at connecting the dots on some obscure theology than working out what the hell the Telstra bill is trying to tell me. It's a bit scary for me but I guess we'll muddle through some how... again.

 

[goingonhope]

Hi Maenad, from my experience not only can having PTSD affect a person's sense of timing, but so can the coping mechanisms that some individuals may turn to in order to continue to feel some security, enough to think that they can survive another day this way and at the very least, ...at least just get by.

So much of what you've written all sounds familiar and similar to my previous life experience. I can still sometimes struggle with my sense of timing and memory even now, many yrs. later, but it's simply not near the struggle it was, nor is it the result of its previous cause.

Where I got into trouble was (and I don't know if this is so for your partner or not), was that when unable to help myself and/or receive proper help, I turned to such things as Fantasy, Spacing or zoning-out while keeping myself distracted with gaming, seeking instant gratifications in chasing differing compulsions such as many things wishful and fantasy that would immediately ease the pain and/or lonliness and I'd personally avoid much 'too trying', 'too risky/stressful' or 'responsible.'

Om, I even feared if I succeeded at any of these tasks it would then be expected of me regularly and without consideration given to my then sudden onsets of PTSD debilitation/depression, other symptoms and pers. meltdowns.

If it meant taking on long working hrs. to escape, then yes.

If it meant seeking asylum, when unemployed, then yes.

If it meant drinking,

...............or, attempting to redeem myself through fulfilling a role of complete selflessness-(as I falsely perceived this role to be), (and opposite of the selfishness too often engendered by my drinking to much and to often), well then yes.

Anything to numb-out and avoid my complete honesty, further searching for help and taking continuing responsibility for me, my trauma/baggage and my life; I didn't want it. I didn't accept it, and it was all I could do to cope with it and survive another day.

I was then ill-equipped to consistently show up for and to fulfill and create a life of my own; It meant committment and learning and adapting to a whole new way of thinking and being, ,,, managing and living, ,,, one that I simply couldn't even then imagine.

Well, so I played this completely irresponsible role of refuge out to its fruition. The fruit being utter loss, despair and desperation, and then and only then did I begin to bend, painfully so, take real action and make room for positive, effective, responsible changes within me.

It's very hard, bc with PTSD we do often so suffer with it; It being a very real, chronic illness and though sometimes, so much of it is both perceived and received as selfishness, self-absorption and irresponsible fits (passive or aggressive fits), (speaking entirely for myself), so much of this all, I find is directly related to chronic illness's for me.

I've not neglected and avoided responsibility, those times, because I'm some arsehole or inherently have some moral 'selfish' defect, I did it because I was very ill, suffering, dying, unable to help myself and with no real help insight and/or available.

PTSD depression, insomnia, anxiety, hypervigilance, super-sensitivities, hyperarousal, flashbacks and reliving our trauma, these all Suck! Who the heck wouldn't try and escape, while avoiding responsibilities and seeking relief, unless they had hit such a low or bottom that they had to do otherwise.

As for PTSD, and can it affect a person's sense of timing? I find it does, but generally only when I am either:

a) not willing to confront my Full Responsibilities Head-on. Be them a need to confront my trauma and its baggage of what I carry along with me on my life's journey, ...............Or, be it unwillingness to factor in and accept present day responsibilities.

And, b) also simply, When I am responsibly doing my best - (honest w/ both my present and past) and yet it all either seems like (or is) simply far too much, and overwhelming, then my best can come to a screeching halt with a temporarily collapse or shut-down.

------

Maenad, I do seriously doubt that any of my experience is useful or the least bit helpful to you; I so hesitate to even post this. I wrote it prior to your last post and simply left it there on my notepad, in order to switch gears and consider whether I dare post. I so dislike time restrictions and my delay, doubt and hesitation with myself; All has created quite a long list within My Document files (my many responses to others threads, which never ever got posted). Not yet sure whether this too will become one, or if I'll post/respond and only to regret it.

On the other hand, I could post this I suppose. Though, at times, perhaps I went off topic, (perhaps not). Certainly this is my experience and not about your partner!

I really don't know how to respond to people, except with sharing my experience, which I Do Understand just may not be another's. And, yet I'm still so afraid of confrontation and someone telling me to stick my interest and concern up my arse, bc it relates and holds nothing for them and is essentially useless, instead rather annoying.

Please Maenad, pardon any and all of my inserts of my fears and insecurities, within your thread.

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

It's always after I delve deep and dig that I can think straight enough to comment something simple. Here goes: When I am immersed in my trauma, engaging in wishful thinking and/or fantasy, actively regressing or in regression, or utterly overwhelmed with me and/or our lives, then Yes my PTSD affects my Sense of Time Passing.

All one has to do is ask my husband. He's the one that has addressed this issue with me erratically, time and again, as this need arose.

Hope

 

[Marlene]

Maenad,

I'm adding my name to the list of those that have a poor sense of time. I tend to lose track of what day it is very quickly. I have calendars all around me (at work and home) so I can keep checking to see what day it is. And it's not uncommon for me to ask 'What day is it' repeatedly from my husband. It's like this information just doesn't 'stick'. I also lose track of time. Which is also why I have clocks all around me, too.

I've found that writing notes about damned near everything is the only way that I can remember what I need to remember. This proves especially challenging in my job which is very detail oriented. But also at home for remembering which bills to pay and when to pay them. I also write detailed menus and grocery lists or else I'm lost in the grocery store.

Having been like this most of my life (I've had PTSD since I was ten...much worse since the symptoms hit full force) it's become second nature for me to be this way. But I do know that when my symptoms are high it is much more difficult for me to actually pay attention to any part of my life. Like bills. Depression and anxiety make doing the necessities of life just 'one more thing' to do. And sometimes 'one more thing' is one thing just too many.

My suggestion would be to talk to your partner in a non-judgemental, non-aggresive way. The best time would be when he's having a good day/good time period. Explain that you understand that it's difficult to keep up with everything all the time, but that there are things that have to be done...like paying bills. Maybe offer to share the task or take it over for a while. For myself I know that when I'm having a bad day, the last thing I want to do is leave the house to go grocery shopping. But it is necessary for the family. So I ask my husband and youngest daughter to go for me when I'm not up to it. But offering to take over something (for a while or permanently) might be a big relief and help towards other things getting done in a more timely manner.

Lisa

 

[Awakening]

Gosh, you've seriously reminded me I have bills to pay. Now if only I can find them.

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

It took me a very, very long time to realize that PSTD sufferers have what I call a distorted sense of time. I finally realized that my significant other does not realize how much time goes by before we have contact, even when he is in a pretty good patch. I used to infuriate me until I understood. Now it makes me sad for both of us, but I know he isn't willfully ignoring me. Of course, it is worse when he is under stress and goes into hiding, but I have also learned to be patient..he will come back around.

godhelpusoneandall

 

[hapa_gurl87]

I feel like with ptsd time goes by really fast as in days months and years but with pain and suffering its slow