Supporter Ptsd And Us.

[GG-love]

I met my boyfriend about 5 months ago. From the beginning he was open about his PTSD and his symptoms. It was amazing how we clicked. Also I suffer from what I would consider mild PTSD from a robbery when I was a cashier in college. We have talked about my situation in varying degrees. I would say I am open about what triggers me and amazingly for the first time someone understood and respected that at times I react to certain visual images and certain sounds.

He has also been fairly open about certain triggers but not as much about others. I started doing more research about PTSD as I know every person reacts differently. I know my own triggers and when I can I avoid them. I believe we understand certain things about the other because of our mutual experience with symptoms even though our experiences are so very different.

I however have found in the past several weeks the need to find out more since he has been isolating recently. He is very busy with school and work and extremely stressed with both of those things. We give each other support and space adequately as needed and yet at times I do feel I am at a loss of how to react and knowing what is normal behavior (insecurities on my part) so I ended up here looking for information and support. Mostly I sometimes feel I don't know how much space to give or if I am forcing the issue. When I ask if I am being a bother the answer is always no.

I feel I have found the most amazing partner in the world and am lucky, yet I know there are things I don't know about in the short time we have known each other and know I need to seek support for myself. Also we both just got out of long term relationships. Mine was rather toxic, his not so much.

I am glad I found a place to feel there are people who can relate even if they don't understand. A source of knowledge, wisdom, and communication when there are bad days.

 

[jd9900]

*chuckles* You had me at GG-love. Now I have to read back cuz you seem smart, too. Well, hi and welcome to the crazy party. We're mostly harmless. :) *goes back to read*

 

[jd9900]

As a PTSD sufferer I can say that my triggers can change with the weather. Sometimes, like earlier this morning, they just...hit me and I simply react. I always feel horrible about it later but for the life of me I can't always control it. My wife is a saint for putting up with me and it is her tolerance that makes me try to not be this way all the time.

But I often fail. And I guess what I know is that she is "worth it." She's got my back on bad days, she always has, and it is up to me to change these habits. Only my actions can speak for me, and I let them, but it is always a fight to the death in my head just to be 1% better.

But 1% is better than 0%, so I struggle on. The key, for me at least, is I am being more open, isolating myself less, and being honest with her more. It is so damn hard, and in and of itself causes me stress. It's the pill I have to swallow though if I want her in my life, and I do.

1/2 the work is IMO what you are already doing. The other 1/2 is up to him, if that makes sense. He too has to change in behavior and accept who he is, with the hopes of making sweeping changes in that regard.

 

[intothelight]

Hi GG-love,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

As you get familiar with this site and read the posts, you will see that each person's PTSD manifests itself in various ways. Keeping the lines of communication open and allowing each other just to "be" as each one works on getting better will go a long way in making your relationship stronger.

The supporter section has a lot of information and you will also find the support of other members who have a loved one with this disorder. I hope you find this place beneficial to the both of you.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[jd9900]

Wonderful advice, intothelight.

 

[GG-love]

Thank you Debbie I have already found reading others threads to be helpful in just regaining perspective. Thank you for the support

 

[GG-love]

jd - thanks for the advice. I see what you mean about we each have to give our half. I believe that as time goes on we will both grow to be better at dealing with each others bad days/moments. Its just hard not always knowing a trigger until it has happened. But then he deals with the same and is wonderfully supportive. It is definitely a 2 way street.