General Ptsd? Army Veteran Boyfriend Just Broke Up With Me Via Text... Devastated :(

[Morgain]

It is heartbreaking to read my story so many times all over again.
We spent 8 monts together, it was very intense, loving, everything I always wished for in a man. Mental, emotional, physical connection. Woke up the same time, run to nature, under water, into the waves or hunting, we just had it all, same hobbies, needs, desires.
He has ptsd and depression, none of that was seriously interfering with our everyday life, he is actively seeking and getting help and medication. He doesn't drink or uses drugs, never lied to me or ignored me, we spent as much time together as possible, he is my best mate, and even became closer once we fell out of that crazy chemical love, we have a lot of like for each other.

5 weeks ago his separation was finalised (he has been living separated for 2.5 years). This put extreme amount of stress on him and needed time alone. Today we talked and he said that he cannot have a relationship because he needs to concentrate on himself and his children, an it is unfair on me to make me wait. This is how it started, then that he doesn't think I'm the right one for him (this is the guy who'd ring me several times a day and would tell me he loves me), although he also said that he wants to see me. I said I'd like to find some balance, he agreed and wanted to be friends, I cannot see how two people who are very much attracted to each other with an amazing sex life can be friends.

We talked for an hour and didn't get anywhere. Then I rang him back suggesting to take a couple of months break to see how he feels. He has been through a lot and I don't believe making decisions when someone is under pressure, possibly depressed and who knows what else is a good idea.

I've never felt so close to anyone and willing to give him time to sort his issues out. I feel that I have plenty of time. It's not that I could get out there and find an other soulmate. Any comments appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :) @Morgain

, I cannot see how two people who are very much attracted to each other with an amazing sex life can be friends.

In the USMC, at least, that's common. You don't stop having sex because you're friends. You stop (or don't start) all of the other stuff that makes up a relationship. I've never found that paradigm outside of the military... Where you can be honest friends, and sleeping together, but there are absolutely no strings whatsoever. No planning for a future, no joint decision making, no shared finances, or familial obligations, or asking before making plans with other people. No timelines. No "moving things to the next level" (moving in or marriage). Also no exclusivity.

It's not a bootycall, or a hookup, or a side piece, or any of the sooooo many other things that also exist that are just sex based. It's also not "just friends" in the civvie sense of no-more-nookie & we'll probably never see each other much after this. :p It's common to still talk and hangout every day. And then not. With no explanation needed. Cause you're not dating. ((Although it's plain good manners to let your friends know if you've got orders out or start seeing someone serious. )) And then pick things right back up in a few weeks or a few months (or even in a few years if you're stationed together again, and neither of you is dating someone). Because you're friends, not dating. Friends follow very, very different rules than dating-rules. It's a lot more relaxed, only living your own life, not trying to build a joint life.

 

[Troubled in Texas]

Ok, wow...so many of the same stories. I need advise ASAP. Same thing here regarding stories. Started out madly in love, was the sweetest man I have ever met and treated me like a queen, lovey texts morning and night, etc... The difference in my situation is that he doesn't drink excessively, but he does abuse prescription medication...BADLY I don't have the amazing sex life either. He was partially paralyzed from a IED, and still has nerve damage to his body. At first we were hot and heavy for a while, and then it just stopped about a month in. I don't know if he was on viagra or what during the first month, but I took his explanation of "it doesn't always work right down there" and that it was embarrassing to him when he couldn't perform.

My problems started five months in to the relationship. Granted, he started with the other stuff with blowing me off for other people (they were always people he was dependent on drugs from), he would cancel anything and everything, and the other stuff was done within a few months of seeing each other. I loved him regardless and usually just let it go. Well, at six months, he had a full on melt down. My man is diagnosed with PTSD and TBI. I know this because of the police interaction with the VA during his meltdown with an ENTIRE TOWN. He did horrible things and said horrible things to people. We broke up during this time. It lasted about two and a half full days. Come to find out, the VA had neglected to send his psych meds for the month, and he had been "making due" until he got them. He texted he was sorry for making me think he was coming after me and my son and for the horrible things he said to me. He had lost an entire network of friends, and he was alone. HERE IS WHERE I STARTED TO REALLY MESS UP... I took him back on a probationary period. This of course became full on within a week. He was overly loving, and of course I was just as loving back. He started right back to the pills within a month.

I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my life, but I am ending things with him this weekend. He has grown a codependency with his drug dealers so badly he refers to them as his family. He babysits for them, drives the family to the hospital when one OD's, and even discusses with them first on issues we have as a couple. My man is very manipulative now too. He can change a story around in a heartbeat, and I would end up apologizing for something believing I just didn't see it correctly. I started writing down when he would do things and saving texts so he couldn't pull that anymore. This of course got his temper going.

It would have been a year together in 9 days. Honestly the idea of spending another week with him would drive me insane. We got a house together, so I am in a bit of a pickle with that. Other than that, he needs to get his act together. I will no longer sit back and let him get away with treating me like this. I have been emotionally, financially and physically drained. Even a relationship with someone with PTSD/TBI issues takes two to make it work. I would like to know the best way to approach this though. I am going to give him the option to stop doing the drugs and to cut ALL ties to the "family" he has come to depend on, but I know and I'm sure anyone reading this knows that will not happen. He may love me back in his own way, but not as much as I deserve. Please provide any info on a safe and effective way to deliver this info. I am over a decade younger than him, so I'm hoping he pulls the "we just come from different times" crap and it goes over well, but I doubt that will happen.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The thing with setting boundaries is that you cannot tell somebody what they can or cannot do... all you can do is set your own limits. As in "If you chose to do X, I will leave. I cannot tolerate that in my life. Period"

The thing is you have to set the boundary, then stick to it. If you cannot tolerate living with him if he is abusing drugs, then if he choses to abuse the drugs, you must leave.

 

[troubled in texas]

The thing with setting boundaries is that you cannot tell somebody what they can or cannot do... all...

Sounds like sound advice. I will approach it that way. Thanks!

 

[Marika]

Sorry, I left out how he PRETENDED to be drunk...

When we talked, he was actually sober and in h...

Thank you BlondeBarbie and this forum for existing, my boyfriend is a Veteran living with PTSD and after roughly 3 months of an intense relationship such as you described he's been ignoring me for almost two weeks...

I have cried my heart out and decided after reading all the supportive words here that I AM DONE CRYING FOR HIM, I am a strong-willed self-sufficient brave smart beautiful divorced Mom of 3 and 4 year old sons and I deserve better.

 

[Sid]

Hey, guys...I wanted to share my story because reading others' stories and knowing I'm not alone...

Hi dear,
I came across this post of yours. I am curious to know what happened after? Did he come back to you? I am going through the exact situation as you mentioned in your post. I hope to hear from you.

 

[Snail123]

Barbie-I would really like to get your e-mail or contact. Sounds like 99,9% my story. Why this happens, tho? I would like to know exact reasons, what happens in their brain? Is it really only that they think they will hurt the person that they love? I think there is more.
Yea-absolutely same story:
- Intense start
- I NEVER get into a relationship that easy
-He said he LOVES me several times
- Suddenly leaves me and does not contact me
- Says, that I did nothing wrong
-Says that it is his fault

 

[Faith.01]

Hey, guys...I wanted to share my story because reading others' stories and knowing I'm not alone...

Gah i feel every bit of your pain my partner of 3 yrs is deployed right now and has walked out on me and my 2 children and ended it via email. Im completely broken and so are my children.

 

[SuzetteLove]

my guy of 4 1/2 years has diagnosed PTSD and has recently pulled away considerably. We live together and he just moved into a trailer at his work. I am staying pretty strong but of course, feel so rejected. I am doing my best with no contact, maintaing my boundaries and all that.
Learning now how so much of what I suffered with in our relationship was PTSD behavour. For example, it's almost impossible to get him to go anywhere. This is tough. He watches a lot of tv and now that he started working again, cannot really do much else, including our relationship. The memory loss hurts my feelings. And the drinking is really getting old. I wish we had set up counceling when there was an opening. I wish he wasn't so stubborn and we could schedule in productive, brain chemistry changing activities and he was willing and able to fight this thing. You have to fight it. But if I bring any of this up, he fights me. It's his call at this point. Living together is too hard when there is not some basic structure set up to keep us moving forward, in a healthy direction.

 

[Gee]

Old thread but oh well. The same thing happened to me only we had met when he was in the army and still is. He wasn’t deployed or anything but he’s on active duty. So one Friday he texts me like Hey I’m going to be out with my boss and army buddies. I was like okay have fun I’ll talk to you later and goodnight. Following day he hadn’t talked to me so I text him again only to be hit with a “holy shit I just woke up with the worst hangover ever”. I text him back and tell him I hope he feels better. I hear nothing from him. Naturally I get worried. It’s Sunday about midday and I still haven’t heard a word from him, so I decide to call him but my call goes directly to voicemail. At this point I’m worried, could something have happened to him. I text him again, getting a reply 3 hours later talking about oh I’m okay I was just a little hangover. I ask him to call me he says he would once he got home. At 11pm I text him wanting to know whether he got home. He texts me telling me that he’d talk to me tomorrow. Following morning I get a text from him saying that he was ending things, that he was emotionally unavailable. Long story short, it hurt so much I tried to get him back he said he loved me but was emotionally unavailable. I got tired :/. I do miss him though but I had to let him go

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Old thread but oh well. The same thing happened to me only we had met when he was in the army and still is. He wasn’t de...

So amazing to read all of the post that are so similar. Like all of you, this past December would have been a year for me and my ex (sufferer). During the course of the year, we started off exceptionally up until August when ptsd showed it’s ugly face. I wasn’t equipped as I am now and it completely through me off of my feet. I’m currently going through the longest shut-out/avoidance since we have been together. It’s been since before Thanksgiving and previous episodes have been maybe a week. Needless to say, I’m currently wiping tears and wondering how much longer. He has a phone that I bought him back in October and he recently text me to ask how much he owed for his half of the bill; I told him don’t worry about it as to continue supporting. I’m at my wits end. If anyone could shed some light, I would greatly appreciate it.