Hi all,
This is the second time I post here...
I really don't know what to think anymore.
My bf of 3 years is a sufferer. He can't sleep a night through, always night terrors, I feel so bad for him.
During the day though, he is fine. In general though, he's unhappy he tells me.
But here's the thing..He's slacking his therapy and I just don't get it. I helped him so much with writing down the things that caused his trauma for him to give to his therapist, so that he wouldn't have to think about it himself.
For a year now, since he started therapy, he's either not going and then telling me he did go, or he goes and then talks about daily life with his therapist. This all was supposed to end with the written experiences he gave to his therapist. Then his therapst made him an appointment with a psychiatrist, said that she would take it from there, and he would only be concerned about hi daily life, and getting it back on track. I was thrilled to hear this, how stupid that may sound. I really see therapy as his 1 way out of the hell he's been in for years now. I know it will never really cure, but it's the only thing that will help him at least.
But then he starts slacking again, he was supposed to call the T and he just waits around for 4 weeks, and then calls him. Meanwhile he keeps having nightmares and keeps complaining how he can never sleep. I just dont get it. WHY would you not take the chance to get SOME relieve?
Then there's another issue..I have before felt like my bf was using his ptsd as an excuse to behave like an a-hole. And to not do anything in life. He literally hangs out with his best friend, goes shopping, cooks plays video games and plays soccer with his friends. That's his day. Has been for 3 years now, ever since I've known him. Maybe I'm harsh and his ptsd causes him not to be able to do ANYTHING like having a job at least, or at least...but I feel like if he can do the fun stuff then he can also do other things..or am I very wrong here?
I go to college, work, have a sick aunt I do groceries for, my own house to clean, so you can imagine I have limited time I can see him. Especially because he doesnt want to live together (he thinks my house is too small and he lives with his parents) and he has weird times he wants to hang out. He never wants to make pre-set appointments for dates, and because he likes to sleep late and wake up late, he can only sleep over in weekends. (I get up early during the week and he doesnt want that so he rather stays at home). We can't even catch a movie during the week, because he only wants to go to the late shows, because he ''hates crowds''. More things like this though...
I know I cannot expect from him as much as I'm doing at this point or to go ahead and get a career, because of the PTSD, but I can at least expect him to go to his therapy regularly (which is for his own good!!) and expect him to help me out with I don't know, groceries, or early dates etc, some compromise on ANYTHING? He has no passions in life at this point whatsoever except for videogames and soccer. He says he has career objectives, but he never does anything for it.
His selfishness has something to do with his PTSD he says, but I dont believe it. Judge for yourself: I only see him 2 times a week at this point, usually Wednesdays and Saturdays due to my work school study schedule and his soccer. He wanted to see me Wednesday, said he missed me, but he promised his dad they would watch a game together at 10 in the evening. We agreed to eat when I get home around 6, watch a movie, then he would leave and I would study. The next day he calls me, and during the convo he remembers that h also had a soccer game with his friends planned at 7 that evening. So naturally I expect him to either cancel the game with his dad and have a late dinner with me (he lives with his dad, so they watch games multile times a week), or he could take me with to his match and then we get dinner afterwards. But no, he wants to postpone OUR date to the next day. Imagine, I only see him 2 times a week. This kind of thing, and this was not the first time this happens. Now here comes the part where he throws PTSD in: He says You know that playing soccer is good for my mental health, you are not thinking about my well being AT ALL, why would you want me to cancel it? Except...I never asked for him to cancel. See the irony?
I find him to be a selfish, lazy person...and he says it's because of his PTSD he acts like this. But I'm not sure. Am I being too harsh? I believed him about not being able because of his problems but after 3 years I kinda dont believe it anymore.
I would especially like to hear from sufferers, please be brutally honest with me, am I being too judgmental here? Should I be more considering, or is my instinct right and is he using his PTSD as an excuse?
Sorry bit long...I just dont know who else to ask...
This is the second time I post here...
I really don't know what to think anymore.
My bf of 3 years is a sufferer. He can't sleep a night through, always night terrors, I feel so bad for him.
During the day though, he is fine. In general though, he's unhappy he tells me.
But here's the thing..He's slacking his therapy and I just don't get it. I helped him so much with writing down the things that caused his trauma for him to give to his therapist, so that he wouldn't have to think about it himself.
For a year now, since he started therapy, he's either not going and then telling me he did go, or he goes and then talks about daily life with his therapist. This all was supposed to end with the written experiences he gave to his therapist. Then his therapst made him an appointment with a psychiatrist, said that she would take it from there, and he would only be concerned about hi daily life, and getting it back on track. I was thrilled to hear this, how stupid that may sound. I really see therapy as his 1 way out of the hell he's been in for years now. I know it will never really cure, but it's the only thing that will help him at least.
But then he starts slacking again, he was supposed to call the T and he just waits around for 4 weeks, and then calls him. Meanwhile he keeps having nightmares and keeps complaining how he can never sleep. I just dont get it. WHY would you not take the chance to get SOME relieve?
Then there's another issue..I have before felt like my bf was using his ptsd as an excuse to behave like an a-hole. And to not do anything in life. He literally hangs out with his best friend, goes shopping, cooks plays video games and plays soccer with his friends. That's his day. Has been for 3 years now, ever since I've known him. Maybe I'm harsh and his ptsd causes him not to be able to do ANYTHING like having a job at least, or at least...but I feel like if he can do the fun stuff then he can also do other things..or am I very wrong here?
I go to college, work, have a sick aunt I do groceries for, my own house to clean, so you can imagine I have limited time I can see him. Especially because he doesnt want to live together (he thinks my house is too small and he lives with his parents) and he has weird times he wants to hang out. He never wants to make pre-set appointments for dates, and because he likes to sleep late and wake up late, he can only sleep over in weekends. (I get up early during the week and he doesnt want that so he rather stays at home). We can't even catch a movie during the week, because he only wants to go to the late shows, because he ''hates crowds''. More things like this though...
I know I cannot expect from him as much as I'm doing at this point or to go ahead and get a career, because of the PTSD, but I can at least expect him to go to his therapy regularly (which is for his own good!!) and expect him to help me out with I don't know, groceries, or early dates etc, some compromise on ANYTHING? He has no passions in life at this point whatsoever except for videogames and soccer. He says he has career objectives, but he never does anything for it.
His selfishness has something to do with his PTSD he says, but I dont believe it. Judge for yourself: I only see him 2 times a week at this point, usually Wednesdays and Saturdays due to my work school study schedule and his soccer. He wanted to see me Wednesday, said he missed me, but he promised his dad they would watch a game together at 10 in the evening. We agreed to eat when I get home around 6, watch a movie, then he would leave and I would study. The next day he calls me, and during the convo he remembers that h also had a soccer game with his friends planned at 7 that evening. So naturally I expect him to either cancel the game with his dad and have a late dinner with me (he lives with his dad, so they watch games multile times a week), or he could take me with to his match and then we get dinner afterwards. But no, he wants to postpone OUR date to the next day. Imagine, I only see him 2 times a week. This kind of thing, and this was not the first time this happens. Now here comes the part where he throws PTSD in: He says You know that playing soccer is good for my mental health, you are not thinking about my well being AT ALL, why would you want me to cancel it? Except...I never asked for him to cancel. See the irony?
I find him to be a selfish, lazy person...and he says it's because of his PTSD he acts like this. But I'm not sure. Am I being too harsh? I believed him about not being able because of his problems but after 3 years I kinda dont believe it anymore.
I would especially like to hear from sufferers, please be brutally honest with me, am I being too judgmental here? Should I be more considering, or is my instinct right and is he using his PTSD as an excuse?
Sorry bit long...I just dont know who else to ask...
