General PTSD Boyfriend and What to Do?

[Aelis]

The guy I have been seeing for more than a year has PTSD from fighting in Afghanistan. He was deployed after 9/11 and returned to find his wife cheating on him. It was a long messy messy divorce, she had a restraining order placed on him and he has not seen his daughter in almost 3 years. I am absolutely crazy in love with him and have been since we met. Either that or just plain crazy.

I've been reading all I can on PTSD and am really glad to find this forum. He does go to therapy at the VA. Refuses to take meds but, I think, is coping fairly well. I need help on what my role in the relationship is. I know he needs to heal himself and there's no such thing as "fixing" him. How do I react when he explodes over stuff I see as silly? Where do I draw the line over oblivion to failing to follow through on things. :hit-boss: Or refusing to pick up the phone for days? :angry-fla When he withdraws into his cave, how long do I leave him there? :dontknow: Is there anything I can do when he goes through bouts of not taking care of himself? :wall:

 

[anthony]

Welcome Aelis,

Well, I will leave this to my wife and other spouses, as they are the best to respond. All I will say, is that you have your head screwed on correctly from what you wrote above, as its a very logical and commonsense approach you are taking. Well done, and welcome to the forum.

 

[jods]

Welcome Aelis

Glad you felt comfortable enough to share a bit about yourself.

My hubby hasnt shown any of those symptoms as yet so I really dont know what to say about that. Please stick around because you will find someone here that may help you with some of your answers.

In the mean time please remember that you are important & you must take care of yourself!

Jods

 

[desert4now]

Glad you're here Aelis,

My spouse is suffering from PTSD (Desert Storm & Afghanistan). I met him 5 years ago and was with him when he was deployed to Afg. I'm glad you are starting here and educating yourself. Smart move. As a supporter of someone with PTSD, all I can tell you is buckle up and be ready for a ride. It's been my experience that when my hubby clams up and hides away, I just let him do that and eventually, he comes out of it on his own. You are fortunate that your guy is seeking help at the VA. Support that. Mine refuses but does seem to have some method of dealing with PTSD so I try to let him deal with it the way that works for him. If you feel that when he hides away that he is suicidal, then check on him. If he just needs to deal with the things in his head, let him deal. It is hard to do, I know. In the beginning I thought I could fly in with my super girl cape and save him. It doesn't work that way. Just be there and do not give up if you truly love him. However, protect yourself and shield yourself from taking things he says or does (at times) too personally. He needs you to just be there for him. Let him know that you are there and ready to fight through this with him...and it will be a fight.

We are all here for you. I have found immense help and relief just talking to others who are going through the same thing. It also helps to hear from the sufferers like Anthony and others to gain some perspective. Write anytime and stay with us.

 

[HoldingOnKate]

Aelis ~

We are in the exact same boat. I constantly do not what to do or act with some one who means the world to me. Its like walking on glass cause you want to help they neeeed help but you never know what is going to upset them more. Its very frustrating. My loved one was Army and over in iraq mostly for 2 years before I knew him. I have know him for about 2 years and am madly in love with him but its very complicated also. Its like he is the best person with a heart of gold only thing is its really black and hateful right now but its like its spray paint or something that is slowly chipping away. If you ever need anyone to talk to about it private message me, I know I could use some one who understands too.

Best Wishes and With Love
Kate

<Added by Anthony: Cease posting your email within your posts. Private messaging is already available.>