Ptsd Breakups

[Willi]

@tiredtexan I sort of You! You had me at " you manly hang in the "supporter...

I like the 'manly' typo, TT. Was that what I call a "Freud-O" [a typo betrayed by a Fruedian slip]? ; ) By my coming to this forum, insights are popping off like fireworks; how strongly, deeply we hold onto beliefs about ourselves, our responsibility for another human being...and our roles; what it is to "be a man", or be a lover or supporter or a human...a human with any self worth at all. Aack! This ain't easy work, but I do find it rich and very worthwhile.

 

[Willi]

I don't like the term "sufferer" at all either. I've just found it easier to use that term to commun...

Lol. I too was thinking about the terms sufferer and supporter. Can we come up with something more resonant than that? How about Posters and Preemies. ; ) Those who are working with post-trauma and those who are yet to be enlisted, or Pre-trauma (not to be negative but, because, you know, life happens to all of us.).

 

[Willi]

I like the 'manly' typo, TT. Was that what I call a "Freud-O" [a typo betrayed by a Fruedian slip]? ; )...

I think I meant this for @Wtfiswrong. I'm having a hard time figuring out the flow of this chat; how it works. Sorry, I'm quite new to the forum.

 

[LLMertens]

From my teenage years until my diagnosis last year at age 48 I am very well known for dumping relationships. I lost a marriage to a really nice guy, who let me completely trample him. I do not know in the slightest anymore what I was running from, but boy did I run.

It plays out something like this. The SO or friend and I have differences in opinion. Since I have an itty bitty set of friends, I wind up obsessing about some imagined extreme fight that comes up. I cut and run before they can run from me. They are confused. Icalm down, my symptoms abate because I am no longer around them, and a better perspective comes about. So I reach back out to the person. There is a make up time period, then the cycle starts over.

I moved out of my home, arranged movers, packed, and fled from my first husband while he was away on a camping trip. He came home to that. I didn't know how to tell him I was planning it and ended up doing that to him. As I write this I realize that I have no memory of where I moved. What I do remember is him letting me come back, just to have the whole thing happen all over again later. The THIRD time I moved out we divorced. To be fair, neither one of us knew we were dealing with PTSD. He let me do very harmful things to myself without lifting a finger to help. My illness got worse.

I am now 10 years into my second marriage and was relatively stable until someone broke into our home several times. I went full scale episodic again and was getting ready to flee again when my current husband managed to get me admitted. He didn't sit by and let it happen, he insisted on getting help. Our lives are forever changed, but I love him deeply for caring so much he took the hard road with me. I think my life is going to be a lot better from here, though the therapy work is pretty horrible right now.

I don't know if my cycle is exactly like what other PTSD sufferers go through, but I was amazed to learn that I was in big company with my behavior. It helps to know it was a symptom, though I still feel a lot of guilt. HTH someone.

 

[Clinging on]

I can pretty much relate to a load of stuff being said here as my wife was a PTSD sufferer and god it was a journey.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm reading this thread again, and it is so helpful to see it from both sides. I'm learning a lot here.

 

[Nessa7]

I have not had any break-ups within a relationship, unless you want to count one with a several year gap before the relationship started up again.

 

[dulcia]

Hopefully(?) going through a true break up now. I say hopefully because I think I know deep down it would be better for both of us in the long run......but it's not what I truly want.

 

[Netsy]

I am a supporter asking for sufferer feedback on their current or past relationships.

I've read th...

We all with PTSD have different personalities and situations so no one is the same. Being understood is the hardest for anyone to relate to with someone who has PTSD. Unless you have walked the walk it may then be relative. My friend of 30 years has only walked the walk with me for the past 2 years experiencing my problems with PTSD - and finally I exploded and it was all to do with my flashbacks of what she triggered. It took only a few minutes to happen. And she is a friend and not in a relationship with me. I have no confidence in talking with a man on a one to one basis let alone go out on a date because of my past abusive experiences, let alone any wonderful man to have to hold my hand when I have a melt down, or have nightmares or just listen to me on a level that he may not even understand. There are many men out there who are amazing and I envy my friends who have great men in their lives, but certainly its something I don't want to have to go through again, the heartache is unbearable so I would rather just stay on my own and live in my cave. Does anyone else feel like this?... just very confusing really to explain myself but hoping that maybe one day I will find someone who will walk the walk with me as a companion. At the moment I have my little dog who never leaves my side and honestly is he safest companion of all - to me that is. No insults meant to be for any man out there because my opinion is of myself and my experiences. as I said being understood is the hardest for anyone to relate to with someone who has PTSD C.

 

[PTSD and wife]

I am married to a man with PTSD. Unfortunately, even with his "sometimes" therapy and my full time therapy, we don't seem to have much of a relationship. There is no affection, even a little bit. I have realized that I have what my therapist termed a "wallpaper marriage". As in, "would you stand there and try to talk to or give affection to wallpaper?". It's sad, but we are just roommates at best. He is "all about me" most of the time and I am just trying to live my life as best as possible. This is surely not the way I envisioned my life, but it is what it is. He has gotten us into so much debt, there is no way to separate and divorce. Plus, I don't make much money and we count on his VA disability check. I really try to not get hooked by his behavior, but it is hard to be more lonely in a room with him than without him, ya know?

 

[BlueOrange]

Have you broken up and gotten back together?

Once, with my ex-wife.

Have you broken up again after the first time?

About a year later.

What was it that caused you to break up in the first place?

It was a mutually abusive relationship.

Did things change after the break up? Good or bad change?

When I stopped caring about her opinion of me, I started to feel a lot better, and I became a lot more attractive.

Looking back, do you think getting back together after a break up was a good idea?

It was a disaster.

Did you view your supporter differently after getting back together after a break up?

I had less patience for her bullshit, but hadn't improved my ability to communicate my feelings.

 

[dulcia]

@BlueOrange I am really digging your replies all over this forum.