Ptsd Bullies From Other Forums (lessons Learned)

[Ladyghosthunter]

Last night was a night of horrors. In fact, this whole weekend was a night of horrors but I won't go there. Halloween/Samhain isn't here yet but you think that it is.

I belong to a few PTSD groups on Facebook and I'm NOT going to say their names due to privacy issues. I was comforting someone and they rudely ignored me which, in some ways, is not surprising. However, if someone was PMing me in regards to what I said, I was hoping for a "I'm busy" or "Let's talk later" but the odd thing about this was, this person read my thread IMMEDIATELY and then ignored it. When you expose yourself in a thread about your pain, people will come to your aid whether they know you or not. You're there for them, correct?
To me, in my honest opinion, I was supporting this person because that is what you're supposed to do and give them a shoulder to cry on when they hurt to know that someone is there to listen. Apparently this person, pardon my expression, was a narcissist in this PTSD group.
What did I do? I called him out on his rudeness and that I won't put up with that. What this person did could've triggered a terrible episode in someone who have been ignored all of their lives but he didn't care. He had an issue and everything else was more important than anyone else's feelings or care.
I was upset and I said, "I'm just going to leave this group. This is not what I expected this group to be."

That's when I got verbally attacked by being called a troll, a stalker, and God knows whatever else which was not true. He stated in a tone of victimization saying, "You hurt me." I was thinking that this person was turning this around on me to make himself look as though he was a victim. His hurt seemed much worse than the cliquish members calling me horrible names. I was horrified at the behavior of this PTSD/Adult Children of...God knows what but apparently, this was a clique.

I went to another PTSD group and someone followed me from there and was nosing into my Facebook account. After all I'm going through at the moment, I broke down and said what happened. This person was stalking me and called me a liar. She was immediately blocked from the group and this new group was just for women and I felt, for the first time safe. I blocked the people from that group and I'm going to put my FB account on Friends Only, which I should've done in the first place.

Lessons learned as I said in my title. Please, everyone, be VERY VERY CAREFUL of joining ANY FACEBOOK groups with the words PTSD, Anxiety, or anything else. The group I belong to, I will not say on this page but I learned that this place is the safest I've ever been. I can be funny; I can be myself here. Just to all of you, please, be careful. I cannot tell you enough how unsafe Facebook is generally but this group could've destroyed lives and the name calling was childish and, in a worse case scenario, could've made someone kill themselves with no remorse on their part.

Off my soapbox. I'm okay. I reported the group and hopefully that is the end of it. I am keeping silent on this and changing my Facebook to friends only. If you want to add me as a friend, please do. I will accept you with a happy heart.

Love you all, Heather

 

[Friday]

Something to consider...

Rudeness is attacking someone without touching them, in my own shorthand.
And then the logic flows from that... Someone is attacking me, how do I choose to respond, (attack, dodge, leave, etc.).

However; If I'm working in the ER and a patient is having a seizure and flailing, and I catch a fist in the face is that person attacking me? Do I punch them back? Or turn on heel and walk away? Nope. Because they're not attacking me. They're seizing. They are not deliberately, or even carelessly, injuring me. They need help. Maybe from me, maybe from someone in a heavier weight class, maybe just from someone who doesn't need her nose set. The only thing I know for sure? Is that what happened to me wasn't about me.

Similarly, if a person is in extreme pain, they're never going to answer 10 out of 10. Because they won't actually be able to talk. But any high level of pain = no focus. LOL I've lost out to arguments with vending machines and other inanimate objects when people are in pain. Or they're talking to God, or their mom, or desperately trying to tell the patient beside them that they've left the kettle on, thinking the patient is EMS, or, or, or. Concentration and lucidity is shot when most people are in pain. So if I'm asking them questions, and I get better response from a 2yo? It's not because they think I'm not worth talking to. It has nothing to do with me. They're simply in pain, and unable to focus. They're not responding rationally.

As you say... This person was in distress. Mental & emotional pain elicits the same kind of flailing, distraction, and inability to concentrate think/behave rationally that physical pain causes.

I'm not defending the character of the person in pain you were trying to help. They could be lovely and charming normally, or complete jerks not worth sharing air with, much less anything else.

The only thing I know for sure, is that if someone in pain ignores you? Or lashes out at you? It has absolutely nothing to do with you. It is no reflection on who you are as a person, nor how well meant what you offered was. It could have been exactly what they needed to hear in that very moment... But if they're in pain? They might simply not be able to hear it. Or if they do to process it. Or if they process it to respond rationally.

Just something to consider.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Good job on getting out of there. Social media and PTSD don't mix very well, it's just too easy for trolls and other people who apparently don't have anything better to do. If your friends understand, you can still post privately on your own wall (just mind Facebook itself and its tendency to collect info on everyone...)

PS: That guy on your picture is gorgeous. Can I ask who it is? :P

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

At some point people have to take responsibility for there actions and even more importantly there own recovery. Until you can be open and honest with yourself and with other people then you will never get better. Yup we can all lash out when we are not feeling very well but if you are going to be a but if a turd then expect people to call you on it. If you get upset then maybe it's too close to home. No one can learn and grow as a person if they go around talking all the time and never listening. Don't feel bad about it if it wasn't you then it would have been someone else.

 

[Deleted member 27845]

I tried a couple of the PTSD groups on FB and left them within just a couple of days of joining them. I 'will not' return to them. So far as I can tell this site is far superior to any PTSD site I have yet encountered :) My PTSD is also coupled with acute social and generalized anxiety. I think one group at a time is my limit anyway :)

 

[anthony]

Any online community isn't going to be for everyone, its that simple. Facebook and twitter are known for heavy trolling. Most online forums are moderated, and as such members can report things which will allow moderators to typically review a history / watch a persons history to see if a pattern of trolling or such is occurring from them, thus get them out of the community quick enough.

There is a very good reason I never opened, in unison, this forum with a FB group, covering both bases... because FB was simply far too toxic for trolling and such behaviour. You just can't really control things like you can with a forum. The controls given to group owners on FB don't come close to the controls you have with forum software.

Group owners are really limited with their moderation tools for FB groups, basically all or nothing access for people... thus trolling havens. The other issue is that group owners all want to be popular, so they let anything go thinking that numbers is what makes their communities, when in fact quality is what you're chasing.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Ladyghosthunter
Safe havens are a rarity and a treasure. Thanks for the heads up.

 

[bell]

So, if I'm reading this correctly, a person in pain ignored your sharing of similar pain and they are a bully? And you called them out on it?

How is ignoring something when you're hurting an act of bullying? If we can extend compassion to that person, we can see that there could be scores of reasons for their non-response and that our shared story most likely resonated.

At what point online do we choose to project our insecurities onto others vs. letting our actions be acts of compassion done without respecting a response?

In my opinion, expecting a response, getting none, and then reacting negatively is an act of aggression (in the purest sense of the word). You have zero idea what they were thinking at that moment, so don't take a moment of kindness (your sharing) and turn into something even remotely looking like trolling for a response... Let it be a kindness instead.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Bell, let me answer your statement.

I sent a PM stating that I am here with them and that we all share his pain. So that's not bullying, that's telling them that I'm being there for them.
Bullying is from other people and apparently, this person was OFFENDED by my comment (why I have no clue) and here comes his protectors, coming after me calling me all kinds of names which I didn't understand. Yes I reacted negatively to them because I was only trying to help; I don't want to know what they were hurting about, it's not my business.
A thank you is manners. No I had no idea what they were thinking at that moment however I wanted them to know I was there with them if they wanted to talk. That's how I am and I was not "trolling" or being the words they called me. These people, unfortunately, were a clique and I should not have joined. Apparently by their name calling and aggressive behavior towards me, they don't seem to care about what others think. If this person was talking to someone else, I would have the decency to say, "Hey, I'm a little busy. I'll get back to you later."
If you think I acted aggressively, you're wrong and I take HIGH offense to that, Bell. Your explanation on what I "supposedly" did was nothing more than a diatribe of trying to explain the BS that happened in that group. I never called names, I never did anything wrong yet I was called names I'd rather not repeat here even though I was trying to help.
I expected a statement to let me know he was OKAY....

Good grief. So you think by the group calling me names is an act of kindness after my act of kindness to someone who I was helping out? I'm really am not in the mood to hear this. Right now, I'm in PIT VIPER mode because of all of the stuff I'm going through at work. My medication has been upped because of my breakdown and the same crap is happening over and over again.

I need a time out before I explode.

 

[digger]

I don't want to know what they were hurting about, it's not my business.

A thank you is manners. No I had no idea what they were thinking at that moment however I wanted them to know I was there with them if they wanted to talk.………. If this person was talking to someone else, I would have the decency to say, "Hey, I'm a little busy. I'll get back to you later."

I think it's great that you are always in a place where you can put etiquette first when you are hurting, but some of us aren't, and maybe that was the situation here?

You say you don't know why he was hurting or what he was thinking - there is a huge spectrum of 'hurting' from being a bit pissed off to being suicidal. I would guess at that moment your feelings weren't his priority - I don't think you should take that personally. It sounds like you are pretty much a stranger to this guy so really, why would he be thinking more about you and your needs when he was struggling?

I expected a statement to let me know he was OKAY....

I understand your intention was good, but I think you were expecting too much from a stranger, possibly in crisis at the time.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Thank you Digger. I was not a stranger to this group, that's the weird thing but I see what you're saying. If he was having such horrible problems, don't you think that maybe he.....oh never mind. I'm tired, I'm upset, I had a nervous breakdown and I'm just upset myself. I've been triggered left and right and I want to scream, you know?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I guess I'm shocked that you expect any better from the idiots who use Facebook. They are nothing but drama whores. Spoken as someone who has been sucked into the drama more than once when I did nothing but exist. Remember, Facebook is a platform for getting attention, not a platform for getting support.