I'd be careful of putting too much into this. Chances are, your PCP made a remark of non-contact sexual abuse somewhere
Docs will have a working diagnosis listed all the time that they later change with more information.
You don't need to. Healing isn't about returning to a state in which the events that we find disturbing never happened. It's about building the kind of life we want to have now. Sometimes that means looking back, sometimes it means building up new habits in life. Whatever the cause, you have a habit of coping via numbing out. There are ways to replace that with new habits - which is a core part of trauma treatment and healing.
It's not about the exact incident. It's about how you are responding now.
@Justmehere My PCP knows that I'm too anatomically small to have been sexually assaulted abused ....not by any usual means. Other doctors might have noticed this as well. I haven't had intercourse since age 27. Changes occur.
In February 2019, I was interviewed by a psychologist then, a psychiatrist. Yet this psychiatrist, in 2019, hadn't removed my 'PTSD as active' diagnosis from my medical records. It's still there. I'll ask my PCP in a few weeks when I see her.
The problem with my talk therapy is that it never feels right to me. And I don't see how my T can feel right about it, either. I only quit when I can't handle being beaten up anymore. I hate to have to say this but its true. I'm sure my T doesn't mean to be beating me up yet, this is exactly how I feel in therapy and why I terminate. We're always in opposition to each other. My only recourse has been to stop talking and leave.
Hopefully, there's a work-around for these ongoing conflicts because I can't really cope with my talk therapy anymore. It only brings me down more and more.
So then why can't we just work on my disturbing emotional issues (these exist within the present moment) without being in continuous conflict over the trauma source. I am willing to not talk about my trauma in therapy if, this is fine with my T. I think this is why my last T, the Ph.D said she couldn't find the source of my trauma.
This being said, my trauma therapist had best still work with me as a 'whole person' rather than as only the 'part of me' that they choose to work with. I suspect that I'm outside of their comfort zone and I can't change this. This might be part of the conflict. They're only human.