Sufferer Ptsd Due To Severe Illness & No Support At All

[Johnny86]

I'm a 26-yr-old man who's been struggling with a debilitating GI disorder that's left me almost housebound for the last 6 years. I've managed to do skilled work at home but have lost all my friends and hobbies. I never had any real family and no woman ever wanted me. In 2 months I'm going to get a colostomy and hopefully end the nightmare.

But at this point I'm incapable of liking or trusting people anymore. Before I got sick I was a great student with many practical skills, and people were always using me for help. They only liked me when they wanted someone to tutor them, fix their computer, or give them a lift. My few friends never cared much about me and most dropped me as soon as I was too sick to go out. Almost nobody cared enough to visit me even once. A couple of friend stayed around a little, mainly because I was still offering them more support than they were offering me. Eventually they drifted away too.

I'm now completely alone. No one ever loved or cared about me. I've always been kind, patient, and loyal. In return I've been used, beat up, mocked, insulted, and treated like dirt in every way possible. I'm very close to giving up on the human race. Maybe that isn't fair to everyone, and maybe there are some wonderful people here, but I'm at the point where I can't like or trust anyone. They'll just treat me like dirt, now or later, depending on whether they want to use me first. I'm clean and fit, but also small and ugly, and maybe that's the reason. Halo/horns effect. Can anyone relate to this?

 

[Phenioxrising]

States and situations, seem to come and go, as well as stick around for as long as it pleases. I've had C-PTSD since 04 and recently have DID. for now most of my friends don't want to be suportive. ANd am haveing difficulty trusting myself. the more you open up the more help is available for you; you just have to reach out.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[safenow]

Hi Johnny,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I'm truly sorry you are not loved either. I know how bad that sucks. I hope you will learn it is not a permanent condition. Once you can accept who you are, then it won't really matter what others think of you. I know that sounds trite, but it's a statement of fact.

I wish you could have learned it when you were young, but like me, I think you are going to learn it when you get much older than you are now. I'm older than dirt, so I can say these things to you. LOL. Did you at least smile on that one? I have a weird sense of humor.

I"m glad you found this forum. You are going to find a lot of caring people here who don't care what you look like. It is how you present yourself that matters. We all have good days and bad days, so know that you are in good company. We all are either those with PTSD or love someone who has it.

You are going to read a lot of great material regarding how to cope, what type of things we all do to survive to the best of our ability. If you have questions, feel free to ask. If you have ways that can help, speak up. Take your time and look around. If or when you feel brave, you might consider starting a diary/journal online. It really helps to have someone who will listen without judging you.

If I may be so personal, might I ask "do you allow cyber hugs?"

See you around the forum,
safenow.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[rightkindofme]

I find friends on the Internet because I am not so good at in person stuff. I'm very sorry for your struggles. That sounds brutal.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hi, welcome, Johnny... I'm agreeing with the others. I know how it sucks when it seems everybody is letting you down and no one gives a flying (...). Most of the time though other people don't realize what you are going through. Specially if they know you as somebody who's always helpful and supporting. I don't think it even occurs to them, that you might need help and support from them: you might strike them as completely healthy (I'm basing this on my own relationship with my friends).

I'm still sorry though that you are so alone. We've all had times (and long times) where it felt like nobody cared to look at us. Where we felt like a pile of garbage in a corner. It's not true though, and it does change. Phenioxrising is right: most of the time, communication only happens when you open up and reach out -a very difficult thing to do when you feel this way. But you are not going to feel this way forever. I wish you a lot of courage during this time!

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome.

 

[Johnny86]

Thanks to everybody for responding. It's nice to meet all of you.

Safenow, your comment about being older than dirt was funny. And you're right, its important to think well of yourself. The problem is that I'm not sure how to live without other people, but they don't seem to like/respect me. When I was younger a big part of that was due to my size/appearance. I've been sick a long time, and it may matter less now. But the truth is that people can be really cruel, especially when they've lead easy & comfortable lives. I haven't had a good day in 6 yrs but I'm hoping that'll change after surgery.

I'll also look around and read about other people's coping strategies. Clearly some people on this forum have suffered far more than me. It's a strange situation, because we all have PTSD for different reasons. Some people went through 2 days of hell in a normal life, and other people suffered steadily but not insanely for many years. It might make sense to separate the forum into people with short-term vs long-term trauma. Just an idea.

Hi Radise, good to meet you. You might be right that some people would care if they realized how bad the situation was. Of course you've got to be careful about revealing too much and watch out for people trying to take advantage of you.

Also, by way of introduction, anyone here who needs to talk is welcome to message me any time.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Sun And Storm]

Welcome!

We are all battling our demons together. I doubt highly that ANYONE here would judge you. Ever.

As someone who is alone too, I can relate to some of your post. It isn't yourself that you should be so down on, it's the integrity of those who 'left you behind', honestly. I've always been loyal to people in my life (to a fault) and I hate to see others walking away from people who are suffering (and need the bonding) the most.

It's only the internet but you're always welcome to message me to vent or talk. I'm an open ear.

Blessings to you.