I am happily married and a mum with 3 children. I live in a small country town. For 5 years I have worked as a Special Needs Education Assistant. I loved my job and I was good at it. Challenges are undoubtly expected when working within this profession.
During my childhood I was sexually abused. Therapy and a supportive family abled me to "heal" from having the unjustified act of my childhood being stolen. I have always maintained a positive outlook on life and will face anything life throws at me to the best of my ability. However, not because of my childhood abuse but to the abuse I suffered in my working environment has given me a big hurdle I'm not sure if I can overcome.... I have PTSD.
Working with a child with a disability in mainstream school found me in situations where I was physically assaulted along with other staff and fellow students. Concerns to administration were not heard until one day an influential teacher said' "This is not acceptable!" The child moved to a school more suited to his needs. I tried to put the experience behind me and thought of the positive outcomes. I also believed it could never be allowed to happen again and so continued with "life".
I found myself in a grief like process. I thought I was saddened due to not being with a child I had worked with and cared for so long. I became distant from work colleagues and found my confidence diminishing as a wife, parent, friend and employee. I couldn't function properly. I tried to make up the time for my husband and child as they had suffered so much from my moods when I worked with this child.
15 months later in June 2010, a child was kicking and screaming in class. I had my first panic attack and many sleepless nights to follow from nightmares. I have not returned to work. I find my life has been turned upside down.
My children attend the school I worked at. I no longer help with fundraisers, attend open nights, assemblies or sports carnivals. I'm afraid resurfacing memories and the panic attacks that follow. Sudden loud noises from children trigger me. I find myself not attending my children's sports games. Constant reminders of school surround me. I live a 5 minute walk away and the ringing of the siren travels up the hill to my ears. Three teachers live in very close proximity to me. My trust in my work environment is so low. I want to return to work with children but how do I know they won't allow this to happen again?
I understand my past child abuse can effect my thinking styles but I honestly thought I was prettty level headed as does my psychologist. I asked my GP if the child abuse was taken out of the picture could I still have suffered from PTSD. He tells me "Yes." I feel guilty and not strong.
I guess I'm looking for others sufferers out there who can help me get a grip on things. I am trying to stay focused with the help of my GP, psychologist, pyschiatrist, medications and wonderful family & friends. Just feel like I'm slipping away and talking to someome on the same wave length will help.
During my childhood I was sexually abused. Therapy and a supportive family abled me to "heal" from having the unjustified act of my childhood being stolen. I have always maintained a positive outlook on life and will face anything life throws at me to the best of my ability. However, not because of my childhood abuse but to the abuse I suffered in my working environment has given me a big hurdle I'm not sure if I can overcome.... I have PTSD.
Working with a child with a disability in mainstream school found me in situations where I was physically assaulted along with other staff and fellow students. Concerns to administration were not heard until one day an influential teacher said' "This is not acceptable!" The child moved to a school more suited to his needs. I tried to put the experience behind me and thought of the positive outcomes. I also believed it could never be allowed to happen again and so continued with "life".
I found myself in a grief like process. I thought I was saddened due to not being with a child I had worked with and cared for so long. I became distant from work colleagues and found my confidence diminishing as a wife, parent, friend and employee. I couldn't function properly. I tried to make up the time for my husband and child as they had suffered so much from my moods when I worked with this child.
15 months later in June 2010, a child was kicking and screaming in class. I had my first panic attack and many sleepless nights to follow from nightmares. I have not returned to work. I find my life has been turned upside down.
My children attend the school I worked at. I no longer help with fundraisers, attend open nights, assemblies or sports carnivals. I'm afraid resurfacing memories and the panic attacks that follow. Sudden loud noises from children trigger me. I find myself not attending my children's sports games. Constant reminders of school surround me. I live a 5 minute walk away and the ringing of the siren travels up the hill to my ears. Three teachers live in very close proximity to me. My trust in my work environment is so low. I want to return to work with children but how do I know they won't allow this to happen again?
I understand my past child abuse can effect my thinking styles but I honestly thought I was prettty level headed as does my psychologist. I asked my GP if the child abuse was taken out of the picture could I still have suffered from PTSD. He tells me "Yes." I feel guilty and not strong.
I guess I'm looking for others sufferers out there who can help me get a grip on things. I am trying to stay focused with the help of my GP, psychologist, pyschiatrist, medications and wonderful family & friends. Just feel like I'm slipping away and talking to someome on the same wave length will help.
