Ptsd Emotional Numbing

[kimba]

Char- I started therapy at the end of May and go twice a week also. Emotional numbing is also one of my issues. I am glad to say that I am finally starting to feel again although thankfully in tiny increments. A tv show made me cry the other night for the first time in a long time. It wasn't anything major, but a start. There is hope so don't give up.

 

[jostle]

I guess my therapist tries different things really. I've been with her for about ten years now so she knows me pretty well. She mostly asks questions about what might have triggered me but we also talk about whatever comes up - whatever I'm anxious about on the day. And she challenges me to realise that I'm not as bad a person as I think I am at the time.

I guess for me I shut down because things are too painful and eventually over a longish period that part of me stops being so frightened and overwhelmed and begins to come out of the shadows again. So for me it seems to be a waiting game until some part of me gets stronger.

 

[Char]

I am afraid. I am afraid that I will not feel again and that I won't be able to love again. I am not the same person that I was before. My therapist assures me that I will feel again. I just don't see how talking about childhood stuff is really going to help me with what happened this summer. I even did EMDR. I was able to get feelings during most EMDR sessions but not outside the sessions. Again, I am very afraid and I am feeling helpless.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Char. Your emotional numbness is a survival mecanisme, it will come back when you have dealt with certain issues that are blocking your emotions. I know you must feel a stranger to yourself, but your body and mind are protecting you in the meantime. Keep going to your therapy and EMDR sessions, it will eventually come back.

 

[jostle]

Thinking about how childhood issues affect PTSD, one of the books I read explored the issue of why people get PTSD in the first place - is it a personality vulnerability or a vulnerability acquired after difficult experiences during childhood (or both) - the old nature vs nurture argument really. Anyway I think that with things like this what you show up with to a therapist can just be the tip of the iceberg.

So much of how we experience the world is based on past experience. It influences how we interpret what happens around us. So I expect your therapist is trying to help you look at how your present issues and your past intersect. I never find it easy to understand when I am shut down but there is usually some link.

Oh and helplessness is, I think, a very normal reaction to what you are going through. I always feel pretty helpless and hopeless when I am shut down.

My counsellor always says I have gone back to an earlier version of myself - feeling helpless like a child. She's probably right. I think just being shut down is enough to make anyone feel helpless - it's a scary state that you can't figure out how to find a way out of.

In the end you have to hold onto blind faith that you will come right eventually and revert to the usual state that you have - feeling. For me this state makes up the majority of my life so although I am scared when I am shut down that I won't come right I always do sooner or later.

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[Roline]

Hi Char

Welcome to the forum :)

I hope you are feeling a little better today. :tup:

 

[Char]

Hi, Roline. Actually stayed in my jammies all day playing PC games. I seem to have forgotten what it feels like to be me. I am single and retired so I feel pretty alone. I have plenty of friends but I think they get uncomfortable because they aren't sure how to help.I'm not sure my T gets how this is on a daily basis. Glad I found you folks. Everyone here has been so encouraging.

 

[CaringMomma]

Welcome to the forum, Char! Thank you for sharing your struggle.

I can truly relate to feeling numb to everything. I'm beginning to understand that it's my bodies way of allowing my mind to process things, and for me it's a slow process. So, I have to give myself grace and compassion. If I'm especially feeling numb, I will ask my husband to take me on a scenic drive. It's nice to see the world around me, even though I have no desire to participate in it at the moment. I hope that you will hang on and believe that things will get better as your journey progresses. (((Hugs)))

 

[Char]

So much of how we experience the world is based on past experience. It influences how we interpret what happens around us. So I expect your therapist is trying to help you look at how your present issues and your past intersect. I never find it easy to understand when I am shut down but there is usually some link.>

Very wise words. Yes, this does feel like the helplessness of my younger years. Thinking more about everything growing up, I guess I do see 2 themes: I will protect myself (you aren't allowed to hurt me), and I have to just depend on myself. Protecting myself has worked too well, causing me to shut down. So, in a way, I have hurt myself. And getting out of this is something I can't do alone.

 

[jostle]

That all sounds really insightful. If you can, allow people to help you.

 

[Roline]

The forum has helped me loads - just knowing that others understand and have felt the same made me feel not quite so alone.

I do get up in the morning to take the children to school, but then when I get back I curl up on the sofa. The tv is on, but I'm not really watching it, and I sit on the computer for hours wrapped in a throw not bothering to answer the phone or get myself a drink. Sometimes all I can do is sit and stare into space, not able to do anything:( In September I joined an art class because my T kept stressing the need to mix with others. It was really, really hard. But very slowly I am starting to feel more comfortable, although I have a long way to go before I 'enjoy' the session, but I'm hopeful that it will come!!

Take care x

 

[jtri11517]

June 1, 2011, I had an experience that left me with PTSD presenting as emotional numbing. I feel so empty, unable even feel connections with others. I see a counselor 2 xs /week. Some days I wonder how much longer I can hold on. I'm not sure how to fill my days. The pleasure center of my brain is down as well so I find myself doing things just to say I did. I really feel alone in this. I am here to hear how others have coped and what has worked for them.

Emotional numbness. I tend to go through the motions without pleasure. I struggle with not feeling connected to anyone or anything. On days when I am strong I tell myself that I am allowed to enjoy and nothing bad will happen to me for doing it. I wish I had a magical way to fix me but I am told that it's a lot of hard work and will take time. For me the numbness is there some days and other days I tell myself, "I will enjoy today." even though I may only tolerate the day. Sometimes even force myself to smile.
In school I had an instructor who told me," You have to fake it until you make it." Even though it was meant in a professional way I find that it works for me some days.( go through the motions)
Years ago when I told the dentist that my jaw hurt from clenching and grinding my teeth while I slept, the dentist instructed me to say to myself ( before falling asleep) " I will keep my teeth apart." He said that was a positive way to help myself and NOT to say," I will not clench my teeth," b/c my brain would process "clench my teeth." and respond to it. By saying a positive statement to myself without the behavior I was trying to avoid, my brain would process,"teeth apart" and do it. Surprisingly, after a while of doing that it actually worked. Although there are times I find myself clenching my teeth and have to say the positive statement to myself.
I now tell myself,"I will have good dreams." "I will rest well tonight." It takes a lot of practice and
I don't know if this is helpful for you but I hope it is.