Thanks for your thoughtful response
@CRPS . This stuff is really hard for others to understand because so many have no personal experience or reference point. Others can often empathize with the loss of a loved one, or even a serious illness where the effects are more visible. But pain is one of those invisible illnesses where others just don't easily "get it."
I'm wondering if your wife also generally declines social support? Or if she is afraid of trying a support group? Or afraid of ending some denial of what you go through because of another fear of being able to respond? I ask because people in my family get very edgy when they feel pressured to respond in emotional or supportive ways...was always easier to focus on the concrete things like putting food on the table and mopping the floor.
Also, maybe she has no frame of reference for support groups...and maybe combined with some of the above reasons is just resisting. Are there any groups where you could also go along with her, at least initially? I go to AA and it was extremely hard to just go through the door, having no idea what to expect or how others would respond. I have very low expectations of connecting with others or receiving support...so even asking, or even thinking of it, triggers fear. I somehow did it because I was desperate. But with your pain not directly affecting your wife (or at least not in a way she seems to understand) the resistance would be easy. Even if she had a friend who could go along, or you...and maybe the deal to just try a some meetings..FOR YOUR SAKE, just for greater understanding (adding that bit in because some people are turned off by thinking they need any form of support because they are "fine"). And if anything like this was even an option, I'd suggest requesting one month of attendance to try it out. It's easy to sit through a first meeting of everything, when you don't know anyone, and remain detached and disregard everything said or filter it through the systems of denial or resistance.
Not sure if any of that sounds helpful. I'm sorry your wife isn't very supportive in this. You might continue to try checking in with her, but ultimately she has her own process. It would be most important to keep up your own support where you can find it.
