Ptsd Is Not In Charge!

[y5L]

Today I woke up with an extra dose of anxiety and physically feeling like the trauma was happening again. And then there was lightning which usually sets off and/or amplifies all kinds of anxiety and memories for me. I got to work (quick service restaurant) and tried to focus on my long list of morning tasks. I kept working despite continuing to feel the pain and difficulty breathing. I kept working despite the dread that was growing stronger as it got closer and closer to the time I have to unlock the doors.

Then one of my employees called off. My first thought was, "I can NOT handle this today!" But instead I put my "manager pants" on and called a bunch of people, left a bunch of voicemails, and came up with contingency plans. I did that kid's job AND mine for the next hour and a half. Oh also we got slammed with way more customers than we planned for.

Once someone came in to fill in the gap I started to cry a bit. Finally all of the feelings started coming up and out. But I was able to wait until I "had time to cry" instead of my old pattern of collapsing under the weight of added stress.

I am feeling really great about how this morning went- I certainly couldn't have done it without my incredibly hard working staff, but I am also personally very grateful for the progress that has been made in my own healing and recovery, which is extra evident on days like today!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Strangely my day is an almost carbon copy. I was volunteering at the homeless and disadvantaged people drop-in this morning.

Last Thursday was a struggle as there is one particular client who really brings out the worst in me and I was in hyper mode all night last night. I really felt inside that I was going to lose it if he kicked off or even came in this week.

He came in in his usual obnoxious state and caused several arguments with numerous of the other clients.

I am the youngest volunteer at the centre and not afraid of confrontation.

When he started I must have gone into auto-protect mode as we have a few young mums with small children who attend regularly.

Un-phased I did what I always seem to do when faced with these explosive situations. I put myself right in the middle of it and dealt with it in my ex Prison Officer manner. Calmed him down (he reminds me so much of my CSA abuser it is unreal) calmed the rest down and he finished his food in silence and left.

The PTSD me would have reacted violently towards him as he is a sex offender and reminds me so much of my own abuser as I said. Right down to his odour.

@y5L you are spot on with the title of this thread. For me and you today PTSD did not get the better of us and 'We' were in charge not 'IT'

:hug: if you accept and lets keep those positives flowing.


Laurie

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I may have a powder keg situation later on today. I have planned to remain calm and balanced. I agree with Laurie, keep the positives coming.

 

[y5L]

I have planned to remain calm and balanced. I agree with Laurie, keep the positives coming.

This part was the reason for my "like," not the powder keg potential! Just thought I'd clarify!