Ptsd Is Not Who I Am It Is What I Have.

[Epe]

I am starting to feel defensive about things said by supporters even though I totally understand why they are said. It's difficult enough for us to separate what is PTSD and what is not.

But PTSD is not a person. I am not PTSD I have PTSD. That means I have certain symptoms. But how I react to those and how I display them is down to me and who I am. And my particular past.

Just looking at how people get PTSD demonstrates that. The way someone displays PTSD in a relationship context is going to be very different if it is from childhood abuse, combat, car accident, medical procedure etc. The triggers are going to be different. There is unlikely to be Stockholm syndrome related behaviour in non-abuse related PTSD. Would Stockholm Syndrome behaviour occur if someone has PTSD from a car accident? Unlikely. I think it would be more apt to say that certain things are linked to lets say combat and others abuse etc rather than everything being about this PTSD "person" that it seems we all become.

I don't behave abusively to others and I think this is the main part of what offends me. Every scrap of my being has been focused on not doing others harm and I now find myself associated with something that it seems is assumed to come along with abusive behaviour. It offends me deeply in a way that is hard to explain. I am not those people who I have come across in my life.

Yes many behaviours and reactions are influenced by someone having PTSD and I understand that in some respects it is semantics but I am just struggling with it a little. It make me want to distance myself from everything PTSD even more.

 

[Uwe]

Supporters in your life see your non abusive behavior but assume you're abusive? I don't get it.

 

[Epe]

No.

Supporters on this sight assume that abusive behaviour comes along with PTSD. I don't speak about PTSD to anyone in the outside world and this makes me wonder about the perceptions of medical staff and others that one might come across.

 

[Wurit]

Sorry to disagree, but just because you have PTSD does not mean you are abusive.

Though some sufferers do act abusive towards their supporters at times. Like tonight my sufferer said some abusive things to me and I called him out on it.

He was never like this before his accident or his PTSD was diagnosed.

 

[Tiriwi]

Maybe this is not what was meant by the OP, but I took it as we are more than PTSD. Analagous to someone to which it's said they are a person who HAS Schizophrenia versus they ARE Schizophrenic. Words (semantics) can and do reveal atttudes and inner thoughts. And PTSD varies as do the behaviours amongst people, and the arius causes, like the OP said.

I think whether it's on the Forum or in real life it takes a lot to reveal what we do. Most people hide what they are ashamed of or their struggles from others, and try to present their best side.

 

[Epe]

we are more than PTSD.

Thank you Tiriwi.

 

[Epe]

And PTSD varies as do the behaviours amongst people, and the arius causes

And thanks for this too. Started feeling like I was speaking a foreign language or something.

 

[Gisiro]

I don't know. I don't know what it's like to not have PTSD.... as someone who suffered from childhood abuse, there was no life "before" trauma. There was trauma and then there was life. I don't know how to separate myself from my PTSD. I grew up with it. I struggled with it. For many there may be a distinction, but for me, there is not.

 

[Epe]

Its difficult for me as although I probably have had it at least sub clinically since very early I don't have clear memories and have only more recently understood what was happening. There is no life before trauma for me too I suspect. The early part of my life is missing.

But it is still the fact that we are all different when we have PTSD that is my main bugbear.

 

[Egeb]

Just stay out of the supporter forums. I don't know why but there has recently been a HUGE influx of naive head in the sand supporters who think the lying cheating and abuse are all due to PTSD because IF it is that means it can be fixed. If he's just a no good dirty lying dog, that's just who he is and well, there's not much luck for improving that. So really, it's a failure to see reality and be able to accept what is. It's SO much easier for someone to believe "he's a great guy, it's PTSD that makes him cheat, lie and abuse. So if I can fix the PTSD then I will get my night in shining armor back!" But, big wrong.

All these posts say "he was so great and then the PTSD hit. I want the old guy back!" But even in NORMAL non PTSD relationships, there is a honeymoon period where everything is wonderful and even their farts smell like roses. The end of the honeymoon period is just more pronounced in these relationships. The supporters want that back and so it's easier to blame PTSD for the abuse.

Oh, and take note.... Many supporters only post a few times and leave once someone replies to them saying that PTSD doesn't cause cheating, lying, or abuse.

 

[Okuje]

All these posts say "he was so great and then the PTSD hit. I want the old guy back!" But even in NORMAL non PTSD relationships, there is a honeymoon period where everything is wonderful and even their farts smell like roses

funniest thing I've heard all day. Thank you. :)

 

[Epe]

What is worse is that they think all will be solved if only the person would let them comfort them and make it all OK. A hug will make it all go away. When actually the hug will make them feel better. Which is normal to want (the closeness) but what bothers me is when it is packaged as being the solution for PTSD. I don't mean any disrespect as I have been co dependent in the past but the saviour complex and excusing of bad behaviour is hard to hear. Partly because I feel some compassion for it.

On the other hand I can see how someone protected who has never had to deal with these things and then has someone blaming all their bad behaviour on PTSD would possibly believe it is so and come here to check.

Again semantics but if it was worded differently it would make it easier. If it was a case of asking how much and in what way PTSD/abuse/combat etc could be contributing to a particular behaviour rather than saying "is this PTSD"? it would help. It feels like an assault to me every time I read those words in relation to abusive behaviour or what seems obviously linked to personality disorder issues.

Especially since my whole life I have been obsessed with not doing others any harm.

If there are an absolute mass of us not abusing others then a particular abusive behaviour cannot directly equal PTSD.

I have to say it irritates me too when behaviour that is linked to abuse or combat etc is assumed to be PTSD. If I had PTSD from an accident or something similar it would possibly irritate me even more.

Yes Egeb, I need to stop reading the supporters forums. They of course have a right to muddle through things as much as the rest of us. I certainly would not want to be in their shoes. And they have a right to their own issues and it seems these abusive types who are not getting any help draw in those with codependency issues which I suppose is not surprising.

I guess the truth is that many tendencies can be exacerbated by PTSD and which and how depends on many different factors.

Has anyone found medical personal react with these misconceptions of expectations?