Relationship Ptsd love walked away

[lovemyptsdman]

I'm new here and I have read many posts in regards to relationships with S/O with PTSD, some have helped over the last year but now, I am at a loss... I met an amazing man online, he lives 3000 miles away from me, we started talking and as the months went on we began to get closer, he then told me he had PTSD but he didn't make it seem as if it was a major issue in his life, so I thought. There were times when he would not communicate for a few days and I would let him be till the third day, then I would message him to make sure he was ok and he would respond right away and things would go back to normal, well, this went on for about 8 months then one day he said he loved me and wanted to meet me and start a life together, I was on board with this because I had fallen madly in love with him. He had some major medical issues happening in the meantime which I supported him with, he also had an amputation that we dealt with together, I supported him 100% with every trauma, every isolation, everything and then we had decided that 2018 would be our year, we would meet, and really be able to begin our relationship.. then on day I had seen on a social media site he was flirting openly with another woman, calling her beautiful, gorgeous etc.. things he would never say to me in public and this broke my heart, I confronted him and asked why? and that I thought he loved me? maybe this might have been a little childish to respond in such a way but it hurt, his response was that this was all bullsh*& and I need t let it go! well, I haven't heard from him in a month now, it's been total silence on his end, I reached out to him a few days after and apologized for how I went about it all and if we could talk but I got no response other than a few "likes" he gave me on Instagram 2 weeks after our argument, I am totally devastated and don't know what to think now, have I lost him for good? will he come back? I just really need some kind of input, was I wrong to be hurt by his actions? I have never doubted myself before but now I don't know if I pushed him away or if he just needs some time? Please, I love him so much and I am so lost without him.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that he is a liar and gaslighting you. You caught him in the act and he is playing mental head games with you so that he can make you feel bad about yourself. Do you really want a relationship with someone who cares nothing for your feelings or your honest truth. As much as this hurts if you stay with him he will cruelly wear you down and you will be so harmed psychologically from him that you will have no shred of yourself left because he will suck the life right out of you. I am so sorry that you love this man who is clearly very unhealthy for you. This is just what I think based on my own experience and if you take heed to my warnings and break it off, it will hurt like hell for a very long time but you will gain your true self back. How you respond determines how he is going to control and lie to you some more. I encourage you to consider no contact with him from now on. Better safe than sorry I think. You will get your good life back. I just hate the thought of what he will do to you in tearing you down and destroying your precious heart and soul.

It took a lot of courage for you to post what you did, I hope that you will at least give what I have said some thought before you make up your mind. He is not a good person and he has shown you his true colors and what he is really capable of.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @lovemyptsdman... Unfortunately he doesn't seem to have the same feelings as you do.
Do you really want to be with a man who treats you poorly?.... You seem to be the one doing all the communication...

Also the fact that he is flirting with another woman is a big red flag..... It has nothing to do with his ptsd.

I know it hurts but maybe just put this one down to experience. I'm sorry... Probably not want you wanted to hear. But you deserve the best.... We all do.... And

 

[Deleted member 44579]

He ain't the best....

 

[lovemyptsdman]

Thank you for your responses, I have done a lot of research on PTSD and I just could not wrap my head around his actions, one minute saying how much he loves me and the next going ghost on me because I mentioned he hurt me... I sincerely thought he was a good man, he talks so much about honor, loyalty and respect, posts continually about warriors and veterans and I gave him all of me, my respect, love and loyalty but I now know and feel he used his PTSD as an excuse to play me and be mean... I find this to be sickening and I am moving forward, better educated and guarded... Thank you very much

 

[dulcia]

things he would never say to me in public

By "in public", do you mean in a public online setting? I thought y'all had not met yet and was not sure after reading that bit. I was with a combat vet for a while who had PTSD. He was also an asshole. It's important to remember that plenty of people with PTSD aren't always assholes, and that someone can have PTSD and just also be an asshole. Try not to use PTSD as a justification for his poor choices.

 

[lovemyptsdman]

@dulcia Yes, I'm sorry, I meant in a public online setting, I was not stating it was his PTSD as to why he was acting in this manner but HE stated this was the cause, I apologize for the misunderstanding... I mean no disrespect as a matter of fact I have a great deal of respect for anyone who suffers from PTSD

 

[Sweetpea76]

What did you do wrong? Catch him flirting and confront him?

This isn't PTSD, this is a cop out.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

The same thing happened to me. The guy I was seeing who is a sufferer, ended with me and I heard he had been on dating sites before and after our ending. I’ve read where promiscuity could be a symptom of mental illness, however, who knows. He said he loved me and would go to the end of the Earth for me, and then as of the week before Thanksgiving, he acted like we never met. He’s isolated before for a couple of days here and there, but now, it’s been a few weeks. I did say something to him that he didn’t like and it had to with him hurting me based on hearsay. I’ve read so many post that ptsd can cause extreme behavior, and I’ve read about assholes, but who can really tell the difference?

 

[Sweetpea76]

The urge to be promiscuous or self destructive can be a symptom, but acting on those urges is a decision. There is no demon possession or loss of awareness that makes somebody with PTSD cheat.

 

[lovemyptsdman]

The urge to be promiscuous or self destructive can be a symptom, but acting on those urges is a deci...

@Sweetpea76 I agree, all I know now is that I spent a year building what I thought to be a great relationship with someone I trusted, loved and cherished and stood by 100% and now he won't even give me the time of day other than a few "likes" here and there on a social page just because I told him how I felt , it makes me real sad because I loved him so much and the only reason I came here to this site is because I needed to know if this was a sign of PTSD or action or if anyone else had experienced this and maybe we could work it out but I see now that I was a fool and placed my love and trust into the wrong hands... I thank you all, sincerely

 

[LuckiLee]

Sorry you're feeling heart broken. Buuuuut. How can you be in love with someone you never met? And you're "totally devastated". Really?

Leave him be and find someone closer than 3000 miles away. He's leaving you all kinds of red flags. I'm probably a bit older than you but if someone doesn't want to be with me. Their loss. I don't beg for someone to want to be with me.

It seems to me you dodged a bullet. He has done you a favor. Sorry to be blunt but this should be the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship and clearly it isn't.

You live, you learn.
Good luck!