I'm trying to find someone or a group, anyone really, who can associate with my situation. I have both trauma from the emotional and manipulative abuse endured during my marriage as well as PTSD from my husband's suicide 3 weeks after I finally left him. Those 3 weeks he put me through hell.
It's been over a year now and I was with the wrong therapist who perpetuated my denial and "shock" of it all. I went to a few suicide survivor meetings where I live, a few months after it happened, but I just couldn't connect with anyone. I'm thinking about going to a domestic violence support group to try it out as well, but I would love to find a resource or a person who has been through exactly what I've been through. No books that I can find... Just a bunch that delve into parts. I'm just not capable of putting the parts together.
And even through I now have a new therapist who specializes in PTSD (which I didn't realize I had until my first emotional "flashback" 10 months after my husband passed), there has been so much additional trauma since then, during the last 3 months that we've just been trying to keep myself afloat. Those events are just set backs, they push me back emotionally to how out of control I was feeling when he passed. So I can't fully process the current situation. I don't know, it's hard. My step children have been taken away, not allowed to be involved with my husband's anniversary celebration and Christmas. I'm reliving a loss and complete lack of control that I felt a year ago. I was just an empty shell, going through the motions, taking care of the funeral, the house clean up, having to move in 30 days - having to move before Christmas so that my kids had their own place - security. Finding a place for our animals I couldn't take with me, focused 100% on the kids and went completely in survivor mode then completely crashed 2 months later.
Anyway, I can go on and on. My psychiatrist suggested EMDR therapy and I'm headed to my therapist tomorrow, so I'm going to talk about it with her. I'm just so over it and thought I was doing so well until I got slammed around the holidays with all these emotions that I "should" have had when he passed, but I was just in shock. It's very confusing and I would love to find others who I can feel "normal" around and hopefully help my healing process.
It's been over a year now and I was with the wrong therapist who perpetuated my denial and "shock" of it all. I went to a few suicide survivor meetings where I live, a few months after it happened, but I just couldn't connect with anyone. I'm thinking about going to a domestic violence support group to try it out as well, but I would love to find a resource or a person who has been through exactly what I've been through. No books that I can find... Just a bunch that delve into parts. I'm just not capable of putting the parts together.
And even through I now have a new therapist who specializes in PTSD (which I didn't realize I had until my first emotional "flashback" 10 months after my husband passed), there has been so much additional trauma since then, during the last 3 months that we've just been trying to keep myself afloat. Those events are just set backs, they push me back emotionally to how out of control I was feeling when he passed. So I can't fully process the current situation. I don't know, it's hard. My step children have been taken away, not allowed to be involved with my husband's anniversary celebration and Christmas. I'm reliving a loss and complete lack of control that I felt a year ago. I was just an empty shell, going through the motions, taking care of the funeral, the house clean up, having to move in 30 days - having to move before Christmas so that my kids had their own place - security. Finding a place for our animals I couldn't take with me, focused 100% on the kids and went completely in survivor mode then completely crashed 2 months later.
Anyway, I can go on and on. My psychiatrist suggested EMDR therapy and I'm headed to my therapist tomorrow, so I'm going to talk about it with her. I'm just so over it and thought I was doing so well until I got slammed around the holidays with all these emotions that I "should" have had when he passed, but I was just in shock. It's very confusing and I would love to find others who I can feel "normal" around and hopefully help my healing process.
