Ptsd Or Something Like It. Problem With Mother

[purrpepper]

Hi I recently found this forum and hope I'm posting in the right place. When I have heard symptoms of ptsd it sounded like what I've been going through lately, but yet I have never been abused, raped, or in military. Yet some stuff I read said it could be caused by prolonged fear and stress which fits me better. Right now I'm 23 or 24yrs (I keep forgetting!)

The memory that keeps popping up was a time back in 2007. It was my senior year of high school. I had been dating a guy at that time my mother did not approve of and gave me a very hard time about it. He was a drop-out and lost about the direction of his life. My mother just saw it before I did. Around the same time I decided I wanted to closer relationship to my mother. I told her a secret I had kept from her. That I had once had a girlfriend.

She was outraged-not at the fact it was a girl but that I hid something so big from her. For about three or four months we did nothing but fight and argue. It was either about what I told her or about the boyfriend I had. Every time I came home from school I was scared cause all she ever did was scream at me or give me the silent treatment. After that I broke up with my boyfriend. I began to see how self-absorbed he was in his issues and he wanted the life I wouldn't want. Even then my mother accused me of secretly meeting with him even though I never did.

I was so depressed and the fact she would not trust me hurt so much. Perhaps she had good reason to. The worse day was when I went to school and we were watching a scary movie in class. I felt like I was burning hot and walked out of the class to get fresh air. I collapsed and by body felt heavy like lead. I was able to see everyone around me but i couldn't speak or move. I was taken to the nurses office where I felt normal again and began crying. My mom picked me up and was angry that I was unable to keep myself together at school. I was so afraid of going to the next day fearing it could happen again, but she made me go the next day. I was afraid to go home to her anger, but had to pretend everything was fine at school. It hurt so much she was so cold to me that day I fainted or whatever that was at school.

Things eventually became normal again but this same sort of situation happen again a year later. I don't want to write a giant novel here, but it was similar to what I wrote before and lasted about 4-5 months. It was over a man I dated the second time. He was 5 years older than me and was in the process of divorce. I was 18 at the time. I knew he was bad for me but I was afraid of being alone with my mom. She never hit me but she did throw things to the floor. I was afraid of going home and he was kind to me. I began to see red flags about him that he isn't the person he seemed. We dated on and off for 4 months.

I probably do deserve the way she was toward for those things. I was actually fine for awhile after it all passed.

Last year I went to a haunted house with my current boyfriend (my age,works, yay!). I used to like them but for some reason I've liked them less these days. I went in and came out having a meltdown. I was shaking and terrified. I had these hopeless feelings take over. I remembered things that happen during those really hard times like if they were happening to me again. Since then those memories surface and feel so terrible .Usually after something that reminds me of those times. I realize I'm being really irritable even though I am not mad at someone.

I also am afraid of talking to my mom lately. I always think about something before I tell her. Will it make her angry? Will she look down on me? Is it something she can hurt me with later? I still live with her and at times I just get so upset with the little ways she tries to be controlling. She wants to know the schedule of my day, she wants me to cut my hair, dress a certain way, she wants me to stop collecting cute things (i just hide them now), etc. I need to move out and get away, but my job doesn't pay enough and so I keep looking for other jobs.

Any advice on how to keep these memories from barging in on me? Is this really ptsd? I am going to give meditation a shot hoping it will help me calm down. I do love my mother but these memories are just making me feel so confused. I just don't want this to interrupt my life anymore.

 

[Spiderallis]

No one here is qualified to say if it's ptsd or not- a mental health professional has to meet you in person to give a diagnosis. I'd suggest talking with a therapist, perhaps your doctor could recommend one? Medication doesn't fix things, it's more of a tool to make it easier to work on them.

 

[Abstract]

Hi,

The following may help you a little. There are links to more information too:

PTSD
Criteria A([DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/wiki/posttraumatic-stress-disorder/#wikiPage"]top[/DLMURL])

Criterion A outlines events that are considered traumatic enough for a PTSD diagnosis, which include but not limited to, war as a combatant or civilian, threatened or actual physical assault (robbery, mugging, physical attack, childhood physical abuse), threatened or actual sexual violation (forced sexual penetration, alcohol / drug-facilitated sexual penetration, abusive sexual contact, noncontact sexual abuse, sexual trafficking), being kidnapped, taken hostage, terrorist attack, torture, prisoner of war, natural or man-made disasters, medical (waking during surgery, anaphylactic shock) and severe motor vehicle accidents.

Whilst every conceivable type of trauma is impossible to list, the DSM clearly outlines a pervasive pattern of extreme violence or abnormal event not considered normal within life. Normal death, life threatening illness, debilitating medical illness, relationship breakdowns and other stressors considered part of normal life, are not necessarily considered a traumatic event by definition for PTSD. These lesser events are covered under other diagnoses, such as Adjustment Disorders, where a single stressor is responsible.

[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/wiki/posttraumatic-stress-disorder/[/DLMURL]


Adjustment Disorder:
The presence of emotional or behavioral symptoms in response to an identifiable stressor is the essential feature of adjustment disorders (Criterion A). The stressor may be a single event (e.g., the termination of a romantic relationship), or there may be multiple stressors (e.g., marked business difficulties and marital problems). Stressors may be recurrent (e.g., seasonal business crises, unfulfilling sexual relationships) or continuous (e.g., a persistent painful illness with increasing disability, living in a crime-ridden neighborhood). Stressors may affect an individual, a family or larger group or community (e.g., natural disaster). Some stressors may accompany specific developmental events (e.g., going to school, leaving a parental home, reentering a parental home, getting married, becoming a parent, failing to attain occupational goals, retirement).

Adjustment disorders may be diagnosed following the death of a love one when the intensity, quality, or persistence of grief reactions exceeds what normally might be expected, when cultural, religious, or age-appropriate norms are taken into account. A more specific set of bereavement-related symptoms has been designatedpersistent complex bereavement disorder.

By definition, adjustment disorders begin within 3 months of the onset of a stressor and lasts no longer than 6 months after the stressor or its consequences have ceased. If the stressor or consequence persist, the adjustment disorder may also continue to be present and become the persistent form (e.g., living in a high crime neighborhood).

Adjustment disorders are associated with an increased risk of suicide attempts and completed suicide.

[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/wiki/adjustment-disorders/[/DLMURL]

 

[franciemarnie]

I wonder what your mother was like when you were little given how she responded to you in high school and later.

Always best to get a professional diagnosis so you can get the right help. Try to get one who specializes in trauma.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

In the absence of any other unnamed trauma, no, not PTSD, possibly adjustment disorder. I think you can join the new adjustment disorder forum?

 

[DMerish]

Hey Purrpepper,

As Spiderallis mentioned, nobody that posts on these boards is able to diagnose.

From what you described, it sounds like your mom has an eye out for your welfare but may she may also have some narcissistic characteristics. Those can be hard to live with. In any event, things between the two of you sound somewhat messed up. Now that you're reaching adulthood it would be good to get things sorted out - I suppose that's why you posted, right?

It's perfectly normal not to want listen to someone spew their anger or hear how they think we should dress, wear our hair, and collect things - I think that you're going through a natural stage of figuring out how to separate from her - Seeing a therapist a few times might help you pinpoint what's been going on between you and your mom. And the therapist may be able to give you some really good ideas of how to handle the relationship with your mom so it's more tolerable and better in the future.

(((hugs) and good luck to you!

Drew