Ptsd poetry anyone?

[TruthSeeker]

Thanks- that was nice. They just come whenever- usually after stuff bothers me :arghh; or I think of something empowering or funny.:joyful:

 

[TruthSeeker]

An Unexpected Friend

The Macaw, beautifully dressed for the day,
sat high above onlookers, all alone in a tree,
Completely in control........appearing confident,
peering downward.....
contemplating something important.

His caretaker on the ground,
continuously watching and waiting...
Wondering...”What will he do?” And very...
worried because he had not flown away,
with his flock as she had expected.

The Macaw clan was a privileged lot,
very different than the other zoo residents.
They truly believed they roamed free, But...
unknowingly they always maintained their expected boundaries,
never leaving their invisible confines.

But this one special macaw, knew very well...
He knew his life was only an illusion of freedom,
There were unspoken rules,
Which he and his clan had blindly followed,
And now alone..... away from influence, he pondered.

“Should I take the risk...and fly in a new direction?
Leaving familiarity, my family, and this zoo behind?
This illusion thats been created for us ...is craziness.
We are not free, but the clan has chosen.....
to follow these rules ....they feel it is safer.”

That lonely macaw struggled ....and questioned...
“Have I lived a confabulated existence for others?
Is this zoo not my real home?
Is my clan also an illusion? They did not come back for me....”
And in that moment, a swirling wind came up....

A loud wind so mighty and powerful,
knocked that macaw right out of the tree,
Surprised, confused, and afraid, he asked aloud......
“What should I do?.....I’m alone, I’m not safe.”
The wind answered, “I’ll carry you to freedom.
Fly far away my friend.”

 

[littleoc]

There was no beauty,
Not for me to feel,
None in the millions of eyes
I held in my skin


With these eyes I had seen mountains,
I had seen stars.
With these I had seen coral,
I had seen snow.
With these eyes I had seen rain,
I had seen moons.
With these I had seen forests,
I had seen sun.


I had seen it all,
Seen it was filled with beauty,
But not for me.


Yet I looked up with one eye,
A damaged eye, dirty,
Frothy and fractured.
Leaking and oozing,
A horror on me.
An eye I longed to leave,
For it saw no beauty either.
But no beauty was meant for me.


I looked up with the dirty eye,
And there a creature suffered.
There a creature bled,
Its face lopsided,
Its teeth crooked.
There it wept
In an ugly ditch,
Surrounded by an ugly house.


Then it was ready,
And it climbed back up.
It saw my eye
And smiled, still surviving.


Then there was beauty there,
In my dirty eye

I looked at the entire world
With a cloudy view

And then I felt
I could go on

I would find beauty
In all the deepest, darkest cracks

 

[TruthSeeker]

There was no beauty,
Not for me to feel,
None in the millions of eyes
I held in my skin


With these e...

This is beautiful.

 

[littleoc]

This is...

Thank you :)

 

[TruthSeeker]

In trying to get out of the house, visit people, have a vacation, not spend $ in motels, I recently tried camping in my car...also known as glamour camping by some. Going somewhere new is always a challenge. Using my car as a mobile house, was riddled with unexpected little situations. After one night of glamour camping, I changed a lot of the ways I did things to make it more successful!

The Hiccups of Camping in Your SUV (Glamour Camping)

I decided that I needed to take much cheaper trips this year,
AHA! Glamour camping in my SUV, it was now so crystal clear.
I’d get a Colman mattress, one that fits into the back,
Battery powered, yes, I'll order at Amazon ...the twin size in black.

I budgeted the costs, and they were much less than a motel,
So I decided that camping at RV sites, would work out very well.
I’d have to have real plumbing, WIFI, and electricity you see,
For safety, texting, a shower, and a means to write poetry.

Organization was an issue, the first major hurdle I recall.
Everything in a special bag, I got lots of junk to haul!
I was amazed that I could fit, so much into my small car.
A new experience, a change, and I was traveling very far.

Arrived at my first RV campsite, with electric and a pool.
Yes, this is the life, but I still felt silly….a little like a fool.
My neighbors, with their RV air conditioners and TVs blaring,
And me, I’m just a charging a phone, no air inside….consider sharing?

The keys, my glasses, and my phone inside the door holder,
As I scrunched around on the mattress, I was getting a bit bolder.
“I need my phone… No my keys… No my glasses I can’t see,
Open the hatch, I’m sweltering, oh damn bugs just let me be!”

No gel pad on my mattress, I was hot… a big mistake I made,
First night out, I woke up early with an achy shoulder blade.
I had been up and down all night, switching the lantern off and on,
Forgetting where I’d put things, and finally awakened well past dawn.

I thought car camping, wasn’t working, and I started to despair,
How the hell I’m getting dressed? it’s light…NO! ….tons of people right out there!
Last night, I’d dressed undercover….to keep me cool, just skimpy shorts I had put on,
My butt cheeks a’hanging out, and there’s people on the lawn.

Oh my gosh, what a mistake, and I’m so frustrated now,
I got to get dressed and I really don’t know how,
I had to pee so bad, I wanted no yellow tear stains upon my face,
No…..NOW potty’s now a priority, a critical issue I now must face.

Glamour camping, I think, this is really way too real,
both anxiety and pressure building and an urgency I feel.
I thought I had organized, I should have taken better care,
To insure I was decent, dressed for bed in underwear.

Then I stopped, just a moment, and looked around to see,
That all the ladies were wearing, similar shorts just like me.
So I calculated how close, to the bathroom I could park,
And all the while I kept wishing that it really still was dark.

I got brave, waited for people to disperse, and when they finally did.
I grabbed keys, unlocked the door, and out the back I slid,
Sneaking like a criminal, unhitching the electric, then ready for the drive,
in went the keys, and I could feel it would be soon when I arrive.

“I’m almost there,” I think, I’ll take the shortest driving course,
While hoping dress codes aren’t something that the owner will enforce.
Working hard, oh so very hard, to keep the nagging urge at bay,
I find I’m driving to the potty, and going the wrong way.

As I drive to the bathroom, the words “Do not enter!” I did see,
I said, “Oh screw the sign, keep on driving, I really have to pee!”
I parked two feet from the door, and was parked the wrong way,
An emergency….I had to go right THEN, still worried my backside I might display.

It’s urgent, no time to waste, pulling down my shorts and I snuck into the potty,
I felt like a bad kid, sneaking around the place… feeling really kind of naughty,
A lesson: When camping in a public place, always cover my behind,
so next time I camp, I’ll be sure to dress…. keeping this very thing in mind!

 

[KeepItSimple]

To-day

Above the horizon of the shoreline
A reflection of golden sunlight determines the arrival of summer at last

Cigarette smoke and bottles of beer
A scene so familiar yet as intamate as before

Spare change is within reach
If only to fill my pockets or empty into grocery store cash credit voucher machine

 

[littleoc]

My Gentle Father

Your cage is my furniture,
But you are my friend

And when you are convenient,
Bowls of grapes I will feed you
Plates of pretzels, and I will offer
Any luxury you could fancy

Whenever you are good

You are fragile,
behind artfully twisted metal rails.
I am generous.
You will know nothing but selflessness,

Whenever you are good

To deserve it you must impress me,
But I am not human like you.

I will not care for high morals,
But for treasure in my hoards,
Mounds of metals,
Which you will not touch.

Whenever you do as I want,
Whether I speak it or think,

You will earn
My greatest luxury.

I will make you my favorite child,
And you will harm the others,
In my name.

I am but a fragile god,
But I have much to offer.
Do as I think,
And you are my friend,
A little god in the making,
Behind your cage door

 

[Changing4Best]

It's Hard to Know What to do Sometimes

When I seriously think about getting involved
I wonder to myself, "What am I thinking!"
Memories of the brute filter into my mind
yet, I find some kind of hope in your eyes.

You seem hesitant too, as if, somehow,
someone has hurt your deeply as well.
A part of me wants to hold you, heal you,
while the other part of me wants to run!

I have no idea how this will turn out.
It could literally go any which way...
slipping and sliding along, or stalling,
though I hope it all might work out.

Could it be, we both need each other?
Might we comfort one another somehow?
Your pain could heal my scarred wounds
while my memories could sooth yours.

Please let me know what you want!
I am so afraid to ask, yet I need to know.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I Want to Be Like AnnE

She was an orphan, like me.
Taken in, like me, by a man and a woman.
And she was very intelligent, just like me,
living in a world where intelligence in a woman wasn't appreciated.

AnnE, like me, was very creative,
she enjoyed a good imagination, like me,
and could get so very lost in it,
but have had a wonderful day because of it.

This gal, AnnE, just like me, wanted to feel love and belonging,
and while both of us were legally adopted,
she deeply felt the belonging from her new family,
a feeling she had waited for her whole life.

AnnE had flashbacks from trauma, like me,
she had trouble fitting in, like me,
she told the truth, even if it hurt the other person, like me,
and was equally sensitive, like me.

AnnE found love, happiness and belonging with her new family,
and while her story lives on in a book,
she is not a real person I admire, but I don't care,
I want my story to have a happy ending like AnnE.

Someday, I will write my story, a best selling novel,
and I will tell my own stories of love, happiness, and belonging,
and just like Anne of Green Gables, who found a caring and understanding family,
I too, will write a positive ending to my life's story, which will ooze with love and belonging.

 

[Changing4Best]

I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE

In what is left of my family
I sometimes feel so out of place
I try to do what I should
then somehow it all falls apart.

I needed to sleep.
I did just that.
Meanwhile she called
but I was not awake.

Now I am wide awake
while she is off to sleep.
Oh well....
I sent her a letter!

Maybe she will answer.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE

In what is left of my family
I sometimes feel so out of place
I try to do wh...

The Funeral

Stopping my abuse meant,
I had to say goodbye,
accept disapproval from family,
and set a date,
to move forward and not look back.

So, I buried the family member,
metaphorically speaking,
having their funeral,
with one person witnessing,
a carefully crafted service.

A memorial was held,
with just the right words,
just the right parting song,
a poem from the heart,
and a loving goodbye.

Independence Day,
marked a year of mourning their loss,
and a new direction for me;
and now it was time,
to reclaim my life.