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Ptsd poetry anyone?

My Blue-Eyed Baby Girl

My blue-eyed baby girl,
Once upon a time, her smile shined like a beautiful pearl.
Now filled with doubt and horrible dread,
and so very angry from being misled,
she feels a piercing and unknown immediate danger.

Dying inside, day by day, bit by bit....
Her place in this family-she's a kind of a misfit,
Unaware, she follows those selling "belonging,"
Deeply feeling a terrible, terrible longing.....
Lost to herself, and to us both.......
..........she became a stranger.
Thank you for sharing it helps me
 
I wrote this about 3 years ago. Thought I would share.

You Don't Know

You don't know how hard it is,
Or how hard I try.
Or the strength it take to live
When I just want to die.

I welcome silent slumber
To relieve me from the pain.
Of not belonging in this world,
Never feeling like I'm sane.

The inner critic hounds me
Most moments of the day.
My nights are filled with nightmares.
I never get away.

It states that I am stupid,
That I'm fat and ugly too.
There's never anything that's right
In what I say or do.

If you get to know me,
You'll unmask the fraud that I am.
Any good you see first glance,
Is just a clever sham.

I deliver detriment to to those around me.
So don't try to get too near.
The things that I possess inside
Are things that you should fear.

Reason tells me that I'm not really
What the voice claims I can be.
But I'm unable to silence it.
It impales every inch of me.

I can't escape its steal clad grip
On my heart and on my mind.
That's why I welcome death's embrace.
To forge the freedom I never find.

But I keep this my secret.
And act like I'm okay.
Cause you don't want to take the time
From your busy day.

To understand my sadness.
For it may evoke your own.
Or perhaps you'll have to face that you
Took part in why mine's grown.

So I suffer in my silence
Feigning fineness just for you.
Whilst dreaming that some far off day
My fineness will be true.
 
Aching shaking crying,
Don't do well with people lying.
I close up, they don't show up.
My heart feels like it's dying.
Yeah, I get this feeling totally.....I can't stand lying. It leads to so much mistrust and then for me, causes undo stress, worry, and that results in not feeling safe around that person. Dishonesty is not only disrespectful to oneself, but to others.....and is a form of self-betrayal as well as betrayal to others.....and I just don't tolerate any kind of disrespect or betrayal from others anymore. When that happens, up go "the walls" for my own protection and I remove myself from their access. I'm so sorry someone's messing with your head. You're poem is great.....and to the point. Thanks for contributing.
 
Yeah, I get this feeling totally.....I can't stand lying. It leads to so much mistrust and then for me, causes undo stress, worry, and that results in not feeling safe around that person. Dishonesty is not only disrespectful to oneself, but to others.....and is a form of self-betrayal as well as betrayal to others.....and I just don't tolerate any kind of disrespect or betrayal from others anymore. When that happens, up go "the walls" for my own protection and I remove myself from their access. I'm so sorry someone's messing with your head. You're poem is great.....and to the point. Thanks for contributing.
Thank you so much! I really hesitated to hit send. And you put words to things in your reply I didn't have. I also thank you for that.
 
On the verge of a red ditch, pussy willows swallow skies, as if the world were closing on itself. I gather my members around my center and hear the wind passing by as the caress of a lovingly ghost, sad spirit lost in the quest of love. Somewhere in the distance, something isn’t right; willows remain silent while the knowledge of all that’s gone, all that’s past, grows bigger every morning.
 
Do you remember how,
When they ripped off your skin,
They said things like
"This won't hurt" or
"It's for your own good" or
"You're too old to be crying!"
Do you remember putting on your brave face
Even as, inch by inch,
Your flesh was removed, replaced by nothing,
Exposing raw muscle, fascia,
And screaming nerve endings?
Do you remember how, naturally,
Noticing the soft, smooth skin of others
You, too, happily participated in their flaying?

- Excoriation, 9/2/2015
 
Setting Boundaries

Down on my knees, I was scrubbing the floor,
Exactly, the way I had done it before,
I knew I had to do it just the "right way"
He' coming, and I think "No, please go away!"

"If he starts up now, this job he'll prolong,"
Then he snarled loudly, "You are washing it wrong!
Don't you know how to do anything right?
The way you are cleaning it'll take all night!"

I looked down, then I slowly rose to my feet,
I'd barely gotten started and now felt defeat.
"I guess not.... you're right," it was best to obey,
I asked, "How do I wash this floor the right way?"

He knelt down and he said, "This is your chore."
"It doesn't take brains to scrub a tile floor.....
see, just do what I do....and stick with a system,
But now I was silently trying to dismiss him.

The tile he began to vigorously clean,
and he commented about it's glorious sheen,
And in that moment, I realized something new....
His orders were not something I had to do.

He stopped, and looked up at me and he said,
"You can finish the rest.......it' my time for bed.
Do you think you can do it just the way that I do?"
Then I opened my mouth and out of the blue....

I said, "No, I will never be as good as you,
You scrub so much better, you really do!
Floor scrubbing should be your job, you do it so well,
I turned, went to bed, and of course he raised hell.

But this day, was like no other, I stood my ground,
When floors were dirty, I was nowhere to be found.
And from that day on, he was Mr. Clean,
The one on his knees, with a glorious sheen!









....
 
Cat Poop Problems

Last summer I got Frankenstein,
At first, I was on cloud nine.
But then after she ate ,
She would defecate,
EVERYWHERE but in the box,


I’m a good kitty mother you can bet,
She went straight on over to the vet,
The vet said, “Here try these pills, maybe she’s sick!”
I said “Please, fix this problem quick!” because she goes
EVERYWHERE but in the box.

She was a housecat in a brand new place,
Making my new house such a smelly disgrace,
In the bathroom at night she’d poop,
In the tub, in the sink, on the floor I’d scoop……she’d go
EVERYWHERE but in the box!

Apparently not trained, nor weaned,
She sucked on everything till it dripped, got quarantined.
New plan, three weeks a new home in a crate,
With food, water, a big bed, and the PAN, that’s a good plan….now I KNEW she’d go in the box!

I considered returning her to the SPCA with dread,
Still pooping everywhere in the crate…. Even once in her bed!
She’d manage her poop in any tiny clean space,
Cleaning Poo was becoming commonplace……..she’d go only once in the box.....then elsewhere..

My plan failed so very, very miserably,
I started to think she was doing this deliberately,
Failed……. four unique cat boxes later,
I was beginning to hate her…….so NOW she’d go so …..
close,… RIGHT NEXT TO the box!

So one day, when I was cleaning up poop,
A lightbulb came on….I thought, “Time to regroup.
Go buy Advantage Flea and Tick Treatment……
She’ll stay outdoors in the day…much more convenient!”
So NOW FINALLY she goes in the box!
Just an update on the cat I wrote about in this poem. She got her act together and finally used the pan when she came inside. This was a monumental time when she would go to the pan inside. This past summer, I left her with the other cat -they were pals, and went on an extended vacation - and when I came home........the kitchen rug was trashed in the corner with kitty poop and pee! I put her outside...again ...and there she stayed for several weeks until I could figure a new plan. My friend whose great with animals, had come like clockwork twice a day to let both cats out and back in and how she could miss the smell in the kitchen, I'll never know. I threw away the rug, after tossing kitty outside. I soon noticed she seemed like she had lost weight, and seemed to sound odd breathing but she was still very active. 2 and a half weeks later, I had to have her put down because she had a huge tumor pressing on her heart and lungs.....it was cancer. She was only 3 years old. But you know, this cat turned out to be a very sweet, loving cat.....and when I knew she was dying, I put her pan in my bedroom, and gave her Lasix....for the fluid retention so she could breathe easier.....and every time she had to go......she did her best to use the pan, or go when she was outside. I look back at this poem, and when I wrote it....she was a kitten......I do miss her but am glad she's not in any more pain.
 
Since I can't post any pictures I thought I would upload a poem. I don't consider myself a very good writer and its depressing but it's meant to convey how God sees us.

The undesirables, diamonds in the rough, the world has rejected you

Eyes blinded in darkness, they can’t see, your beauty in full view

With cruel callousness walls of ignorance take shape

Labeled and alone, forced to wander this desert landscape

Gossip and Slander, turn smiles in to sneers

This pain you’ve endured for so many years

Ignored and forgotten, a diamond in the rough

Maybe someday they’ll know soon enough

Marked as a scapegoat, pierced with many arrows

And no one cares about your tears and sorrows

Used and thrown away for another’s selfish gain

And only Jesus knows your heart and pain

In the quicksand of their minds forgotten are your good deeds

Only remembered are mistakes and misdeeds

Wandering in a wilderness of desolation and loneliness

Looking for the light of God to guide you out of the darkness

You wonder what it’s like to experience his infinite love

While praying and hoping to the Lord above

You are a diamond in the rough, a priceless treasure,

Meant to shine, unique from all the fluff, nothing can measure
 
Since I can't post any pictures I thought I would upload a poem. I don't consider myself a very good writer and its depressing but it's meant to convey how God sees us.

The undesirables, diamonds in the rough, the world has rejected you

Eyes blinded in darkness, they can’t see, your beauty in full view

With cruel callousness walls of ignorance take shape

Labeled and alone, forced to wander this desert landscape

Gossip and Slander, turn smiles in to sneers

This pain you’ve endured for so many years

Ignored and forgotten, a diamond in the rough

Maybe someday they’ll know soon enough

Marked as a scapegoat, pierced with many arrows

And no one cares about your tears and sorrows

Used and thrown away for another’s selfish gain

And only Jesus knows your heart and pain

In the quicksand of their minds forgotten are your good deeds

Only remembered are mistakes and misdeeds

Wandering in a wilderness of desolation and loneliness

Looking for the light of God to guide you out of the darkness

You wonder what it’s like to experience his infinite love

While praying and hoping to the Lord above

You are a diamond in the rough, a priceless treasure,

Meant to shine, unique from all the fluff, nothing can measure
Thanks for posting! I think it says a lot.......people sure do selectively remember! Then they can bring out the laundry list to make you feel bad. I'm glad you have a spiritual guide to help you remain strong when you aren't feeling it!
 
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