Hi folks,
Just an introduction and looking to talk to people who have been through similar things and how they were able to heal and recover.
My PTSD developed when I was 9 after sexual abuse. It was worsened when my classmates found out the following year and cruelly bullied me about being a sexual assault victim. A few years after that I started experiencing psychological and verbal abuse from a family member which exacerbated it. Shortly after that I was disowned by close family friends because of lies about something I said and homophobia. That put me over the edge and I tried to kill myself, I was 15 at the time.
By the time I was 16, I was misdiagnosed with with a very serious mental illness which alienated me from my friends and family and caused me great psychological trauma. I was forced to move into a group home for mentally ill youth when I was 18 and experienced a lot of stigma and prejudice because of it. I became promiscuous and let men treat me badly and slut shame me which really affected my self esteem and traumatized me further. My last year there when I was 20 I dated someone I knew from my middle school many years before. That unsurprisingly blew up within a few months and he and a couple people who we went to school with (including someone who I was close to in middle school) said disgusting ableist things behind my back for god knows how long. My reputation with my old classmates was more or less destroyed and I felt so violated and betrayed.
While this was happening, I was also being raped on a regular basis. I had a mental breakdown shortly afterward, my heart couldn’t take it. But within a year roughly, I recovered to the best of my ability and tried to move on with my life.
The next 10 years were the happiest I had ever experienced. I went to college, I had a series of interesting jobs, made new friends, and dated new people. I also lived truly on my own at 21 until the present. But I still struggled with depression and PTSD. It was during that ten year period that I found out I had those mental illnesses which was a revelation. I still struggled occasionally, but things were brighter. The painful memories of my trauma would still haunt my nightmares and rent a significant space even when I was awake. Sometimes, I felt like I could never fully move on from all these people who had traumatized me. But I still had a mostly active life in spite of it. It would usually kick my ass when I was alone.
So, when I was in my late 20’s I enrolled in DBT for a year which sort of helped. I realize now that CBT would have been more effective. When I was 30 I got married and was busy being an HCA. But I abused marijuana and as much as I hate to admit to a lesser extent cocaine.
And predictably I had another mental breakdown, far worse then the one I experienced when I was twenty. I was completely disconnected from reality and admitted to a psych ward for a month. All the old and more recent trauma tore me apart during that entire duration. I was extremely delusional and very fragile. Thankfully the delusions and flashbacks went away in about a month, but my serotonin was demolished and it took me almost two years to recover.
These days I’m ok, and I feel like myself again. But I still think about the trauma a couple times a week and have nightmares about it. Some of this trauma is over 20 years old! I just want to move on with my life and let go. I don’t want these people who traumatized me to have any power over me anymore. It’s like they rent a permanent space in my head just to torture me. I’m really tired. I hope my story makes at least one person feel less alone.
What has helped you recover from PTSD? What are your opinions on cognitive behavior therapy? Has it helped you? Thank for reading my story. Your kindness and compassion is greatly appreciated.
I’m 32 btw, forgot to include that.
Just an introduction and looking to talk to people who have been through similar things and how they were able to heal and recover.
My PTSD developed when I was 9 after sexual abuse. It was worsened when my classmates found out the following year and cruelly bullied me about being a sexual assault victim. A few years after that I started experiencing psychological and verbal abuse from a family member which exacerbated it. Shortly after that I was disowned by close family friends because of lies about something I said and homophobia. That put me over the edge and I tried to kill myself, I was 15 at the time.
By the time I was 16, I was misdiagnosed with with a very serious mental illness which alienated me from my friends and family and caused me great psychological trauma. I was forced to move into a group home for mentally ill youth when I was 18 and experienced a lot of stigma and prejudice because of it. I became promiscuous and let men treat me badly and slut shame me which really affected my self esteem and traumatized me further. My last year there when I was 20 I dated someone I knew from my middle school many years before. That unsurprisingly blew up within a few months and he and a couple people who we went to school with (including someone who I was close to in middle school) said disgusting ableist things behind my back for god knows how long. My reputation with my old classmates was more or less destroyed and I felt so violated and betrayed.
While this was happening, I was also being raped on a regular basis. I had a mental breakdown shortly afterward, my heart couldn’t take it. But within a year roughly, I recovered to the best of my ability and tried to move on with my life.
The next 10 years were the happiest I had ever experienced. I went to college, I had a series of interesting jobs, made new friends, and dated new people. I also lived truly on my own at 21 until the present. But I still struggled with depression and PTSD. It was during that ten year period that I found out I had those mental illnesses which was a revelation. I still struggled occasionally, but things were brighter. The painful memories of my trauma would still haunt my nightmares and rent a significant space even when I was awake. Sometimes, I felt like I could never fully move on from all these people who had traumatized me. But I still had a mostly active life in spite of it. It would usually kick my ass when I was alone.
So, when I was in my late 20’s I enrolled in DBT for a year which sort of helped. I realize now that CBT would have been more effective. When I was 30 I got married and was busy being an HCA. But I abused marijuana and as much as I hate to admit to a lesser extent cocaine.
And predictably I had another mental breakdown, far worse then the one I experienced when I was twenty. I was completely disconnected from reality and admitted to a psych ward for a month. All the old and more recent trauma tore me apart during that entire duration. I was extremely delusional and very fragile. Thankfully the delusions and flashbacks went away in about a month, but my serotonin was demolished and it took me almost two years to recover.
These days I’m ok, and I feel like myself again. But I still think about the trauma a couple times a week and have nightmares about it. Some of this trauma is over 20 years old! I just want to move on with my life and let go. I don’t want these people who traumatized me to have any power over me anymore. It’s like they rent a permanent space in my head just to torture me. I’m really tired. I hope my story makes at least one person feel less alone.
What has helped you recover from PTSD? What are your opinions on cognitive behavior therapy? Has it helped you? Thank for reading my story. Your kindness and compassion is greatly appreciated.
I’m 32 btw, forgot to include that.
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