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Sufferer Ptsd Sufferer With Re-occuring Dreams
- Post starter NoAnna
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BlueOrange
Diamond Member
I can see how it might feel that way. As a person who has a history of frustration with aspects of this site and the culture here, I understand better than it might seem (track down my diary for supporting evidence).
It's really important to understand the limits of what can be diagnosed over the internet, and to understand how our role as peer support people differs from the role of a therapist. As such, it's important to consider the impact that your words will have on the therapeutic journey of the reader. In most parts of the internet, you get support and acclaim for vigorously promoting a view that can be supported with evidence. In this part of the internet, you get support and acclaim for promoting healing processes in the reader.
It is possible to disagree here - but there are ways that we do it which are surprising and confusing to many newcomers.
Hence the reason we have lots of young people mis-diagnosed with ASD, ADHD etc when what they're actually doing is trying to cope with trauma. It's not a strong support to your assertion that children and young people don't show signs of personality disorder to say that symptoms are attributed to a different cause.
As @joeylittle says, often after a diagnosis in adulthood medical staff can look back and see the signs in childhood that all wasn't well. That doesn't equate to premature diagnosis, the OP didn't say he was diagnosed as a child, just that the signs were there which is a perfectly reasonable comment to make.
Perhaps if you expressed your view about what may or may not have happened in someone else's life as precisely that, an opinion which carries as much or as little weight as anyone else's - and certainly carries less weight than the OPs lived experience, people wouldn't disagree with you so much.
- Admin
- #16
anthony
Founder
Fact and opinion are two vastly different things. Some Internet research does not make something factual. See DSM and ICD for current mental health diagnostic fact.
Medical evidence about bdp is developing all the time as our understanding and research develops. Besides which particularly where psychiatry and psychology are concerned there's always a debate about what actually constitutes evidence and many differing opinions on how to understand relevant data and study findings.
No one here posts in the role of expert, so it's all opinion.
No one here posts in the role of expert, so it's all opinion.
BlueOrange
Diamond Member
An assessment of the evidence by an expert is called an opinion. (I know this because I've worked as an expert, and given evidence in court as an expert witness. (Regarding phone records.))
- Post starter
- #20
I thank you all for your support to my introduction. I personally am not new to different theories as to how one initially contracts or when one shows the first signs of BPD and I embrace discussion.
Ironically, last year an event happened to us whereby I just wish that there was much more certainty about how BPD is contracted and at what age one could begin contracting BPD.
A very long story but basically last year, my father in law took my husband to court over custody of our 2 year old orphaned niece using my husbands attempt on his life in 2010 to make us look like we should not be raising the child. My father-in-law knew my husband had recovered but narcissists always believe they can do better and use lies and manipulation to achieve their goals. It is sad because my father-in-law has been a barfly at his local pub for 20 years, drink drives all the time and can not hold a steady girlfriend, is 60 years old and has had a number of strokes and heart attacks (likely leading to her being orphaned again).
But most of all, little did my father-in-law know that for years now, his parenting (smacking, degrading children to comply etc) had been under fire by my husbands therapists for being the cause of my husbands BPD, along with the help of my husbands mother! Ironically, my father-in-law had failed the first time around at raising children and was now using this failure of his son's BPD diagnosis in court against us.
Before anyone else says that not all parents are responsible for BPD diagnosis's in their children. Yes I have heard this but in my husbands case, many different and independent therapists hold no doubt.
If only the general population, or in the least, the legal profession had a fairer understanding about BPD cases like my husbands, they would not have agreed to ex parte court orders to hand the child over to the abuser whom supplied zero evidence to back up his lies, without, at least, allowing us an opportunity to appear in court to contest the orders. Had we been given this opportunity it would have been explained that my husband once had BPD as a result of his parents parenting and that since 2010, he had worked very hard to recover (backed up by therapist reports) and that part of his therapy has also included learning better parenting techniques than what he had been exposed to as a child so he could not pass down the condition.
Another BPD theory out there that I strongly oppose to is that a therapist should never tell a BPD sufferer about their diagnosis. This is precisely what happened to my husband whilst hospitalised after his attempt on his life. Things were being said to me that indicated that they knew it was BPD but they didn't outright say it. As soon as my husband was diagnosed with BPD a year later, recovery began instantly.
We had not heard of BPD before but both held each other and cried with tears of relief. For my husband, he felt shame when he 'acted out'. So much so he would 'act out' because he had 'acted out'. After being told that these actions were were quite normal for his condition, he stopped feeling shame and the acting out for acting out ceased immediately.
For me, my relief was based on finding out that his condition was curable, after other practitioners were delving into theories that he had a life long condition.
Yes, I understand that the high frequency BPD sufferers will stamp their feet if told of their diagnosis and refuse to admit there is anything wrong with them, likely walking out of therapy (believe me, any attempt to try and get my mother-in-law to see her BPD symptoms was met with denial – I know we can't diagnose her but at the time we sort of had to let her know that therapists and ourselves had been discussing that she likely had BPD because it was written in documents subpoenaed for the court case – long story), but for the low frequency BPD sufferers like my husband who has never used his illness as a reason to 'act out', the knowing was the best therapy he ever received.
Lastly, I understand enough to know that my husband was not born with BPD. A role for parents is to teach the child many things such as talking, sharing, counting, reading and to adequately deal with emotions in a constructive manner. My husband's abuse was relevant to his diagnosis but also when parents don't know how to adequately deal with their own emotions effectively, they do not make good role models and I believe it would be very difficult to teach a small child to express emotions constructively either?
Unfortunately in the past year I have witnessed my in laws scolding a small child just for being sad or angry, whereas, my husband and I would embrace her sadness by telling her she was allowed to be sad or angry, give her a tissue to have a good cry and make sure she knew that we were looking forward to her being happy again some time soon so that we could have some more fun.
Personally, even though I am no expert and I do understand the complications that go with childhood diagnosis, my opinion, it makes sense to me that since the day my husband was born he was not adequately trained to express his emotions effectively and once the problem was found psychotherapy has taught him how to which is why he is now clinically recovered. Yeh!!!
If my husband was ever taken to therapy as a small child and a therapist happened to be able to catch on to this, then possibly his parents may have been able to change their behaviours and there would never have been the need for a diagnosis at any age. ;).
PS: Yes, there was the added complications of my husbands exposure to trauma and his parents physical and emotional abuse and Yes! It is near impossible to tell two narcissists to change their style of parenting, believe me, we did try to tell them during the court case last year, albeit subtly (to avoid an explosion) and it got us no-where :(.
Ironically, last year an event happened to us whereby I just wish that there was much more certainty about how BPD is contracted and at what age one could begin contracting BPD.
A very long story but basically last year, my father in law took my husband to court over custody of our 2 year old orphaned niece using my husbands attempt on his life in 2010 to make us look like we should not be raising the child. My father-in-law knew my husband had recovered but narcissists always believe they can do better and use lies and manipulation to achieve their goals. It is sad because my father-in-law has been a barfly at his local pub for 20 years, drink drives all the time and can not hold a steady girlfriend, is 60 years old and has had a number of strokes and heart attacks (likely leading to her being orphaned again).
But most of all, little did my father-in-law know that for years now, his parenting (smacking, degrading children to comply etc) had been under fire by my husbands therapists for being the cause of my husbands BPD, along with the help of my husbands mother! Ironically, my father-in-law had failed the first time around at raising children and was now using this failure of his son's BPD diagnosis in court against us.
Before anyone else says that not all parents are responsible for BPD diagnosis's in their children. Yes I have heard this but in my husbands case, many different and independent therapists hold no doubt.
If only the general population, or in the least, the legal profession had a fairer understanding about BPD cases like my husbands, they would not have agreed to ex parte court orders to hand the child over to the abuser whom supplied zero evidence to back up his lies, without, at least, allowing us an opportunity to appear in court to contest the orders. Had we been given this opportunity it would have been explained that my husband once had BPD as a result of his parents parenting and that since 2010, he had worked very hard to recover (backed up by therapist reports) and that part of his therapy has also included learning better parenting techniques than what he had been exposed to as a child so he could not pass down the condition.
Another BPD theory out there that I strongly oppose to is that a therapist should never tell a BPD sufferer about their diagnosis. This is precisely what happened to my husband whilst hospitalised after his attempt on his life. Things were being said to me that indicated that they knew it was BPD but they didn't outright say it. As soon as my husband was diagnosed with BPD a year later, recovery began instantly.
We had not heard of BPD before but both held each other and cried with tears of relief. For my husband, he felt shame when he 'acted out'. So much so he would 'act out' because he had 'acted out'. After being told that these actions were were quite normal for his condition, he stopped feeling shame and the acting out for acting out ceased immediately.
For me, my relief was based on finding out that his condition was curable, after other practitioners were delving into theories that he had a life long condition.
Yes, I understand that the high frequency BPD sufferers will stamp their feet if told of their diagnosis and refuse to admit there is anything wrong with them, likely walking out of therapy (believe me, any attempt to try and get my mother-in-law to see her BPD symptoms was met with denial – I know we can't diagnose her but at the time we sort of had to let her know that therapists and ourselves had been discussing that she likely had BPD because it was written in documents subpoenaed for the court case – long story), but for the low frequency BPD sufferers like my husband who has never used his illness as a reason to 'act out', the knowing was the best therapy he ever received.
Lastly, I understand enough to know that my husband was not born with BPD. A role for parents is to teach the child many things such as talking, sharing, counting, reading and to adequately deal with emotions in a constructive manner. My husband's abuse was relevant to his diagnosis but also when parents don't know how to adequately deal with their own emotions effectively, they do not make good role models and I believe it would be very difficult to teach a small child to express emotions constructively either?
Unfortunately in the past year I have witnessed my in laws scolding a small child just for being sad or angry, whereas, my husband and I would embrace her sadness by telling her she was allowed to be sad or angry, give her a tissue to have a good cry and make sure she knew that we were looking forward to her being happy again some time soon so that we could have some more fun.
Personally, even though I am no expert and I do understand the complications that go with childhood diagnosis, my opinion, it makes sense to me that since the day my husband was born he was not adequately trained to express his emotions effectively and once the problem was found psychotherapy has taught him how to which is why he is now clinically recovered. Yeh!!!
If my husband was ever taken to therapy as a small child and a therapist happened to be able to catch on to this, then possibly his parents may have been able to change their behaviours and there would never have been the need for a diagnosis at any age. ;).
PS: Yes, there was the added complications of my husbands exposure to trauma and his parents physical and emotional abuse and Yes! It is near impossible to tell two narcissists to change their style of parenting, believe me, we did try to tell them during the court case last year, albeit subtly (to avoid an explosion) and it got us no-where :(.
I'm no professional but it sounds like anxiety playing out in your dreams. Which is not surprising if you have ptsd. I also had ptsd formally diagnosed and I also had reoccurring dreams. It's part of it. It's obviously a real fear of yours to be excluded from your husbands funeral and that's understandable. My reoccurring dreams eventually faded. They were mostly about running away from something evil or trying to leave my body. I'm in remission now. It does end I promise you. Perhaps and this is just a suggestion, but rehearse in your mind how his parents have no right to exclude you from his funeral, ever - especially now that your married. Rehearse standing up to them and putting them in their place. I did this with a particular dream I had that was also reoccurring, it would be of my brother and I would always be terrified of him in my dream. Then one day it clicked for me that he has no right to be in my dream nor to terrify me anymore. So I found my anger and eventually I did dream of telling him to get out and get lost. It worked for me, it maybe worth a try.
walter mitty
Bronze Member
Glad Ladee said this, i know for sure i had serious personality issues and PTSD at age 5. Saddly for me PTSD was not recognized in DSMIII till 1980, when i was 43.
ladee
VIP Member
As has been made clear here..by Admin and Mod..what I posted was an opinion.
Nothing has been proven or substantiated at this time.
Don't want anyone taking what I shared as PROOF of anything. Sorry if my post was misleading.
Nothing has been proven or substantiated at this time.
Don't want anyone taking what I shared as PROOF of anything. Sorry if my post was misleading.
BlueOrange
Diamond Member
*hugs*
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