Ptsd Sufferers In Love

[angelindisguise]

Hello all! So thrilled to have found this thread and read so many positive, persevering stories in the name of love.
I am a 22 year old female and was officially diagnosed a few days ago with ptsd from a traumatic date rape experience and following relationship with a narcissistic, abusive man that happened 5 years ago. I have suffered Depression, hallucinations, severe sleep paralysis, and borderline suicidal actions. I dealt with almost all of those issues on my own and practice mindfulness, meditation, art, and other inherently spiritual and love filled self-treatment. I am seeing a psychologist for my depression and overall emotional numbness, but I am pretty damn self aware and strong willed and I worked my ASS off to be able to say that.
Four months ago I met the most amazing man, who has suffered in different but equally as powerful ways that I have. I feel that because of this, he truly deeply understands me and the path i have gone down. We are spiritually driven people and use our relationship as a way to teach and elevate eachother. We study different religions ideas of truth, God, and love together. BUT. I believe he has ptsd from a car accident he was pronounced dead in. He is a beautiful person and he loves me unconditionally, that I am sure of. When we are together, and things are good it is pure bliss, he goes out of his way in every way he can to make me feel loved. but like most of the stories, when he is triggered he can become a monster. He would never hurt me, but the reactiveness and anger that comes out is VERY difficult for me to deal with considering those actions are my triggers... I am aware, even in this rage that the man he wants to be and the man I love is still there. he is always accountable and deeply apologetic afterward, and he knows that its wrong. I no longer have panic attacks from his irrational outbursts but I often find myself shutting down and waiting out the storm. but they continue, and he promises over and over that he will never do it again. He has been heavily medicated for Anxiety/depression over the years, with benzos, antidepressants, and the like. In the past month he has gone off of all of his meds but one, and even that one the dosage is 1/4 what it used to be. He is not so spacey when we are together, but his temper is much worse due to the now heightened Chemical imbalance. Im looking for both support from other women (because I'm tired of being told to leave the man I love) and also some advice for approaching and managing a way to stop the outbursts faster and help him gain the control he wants and deserves.

 

[desiderata310]

Can you tell me what happens in the minutes leading up to an outburst? What are the triggers? What are the warning signs that things are headed that way?

 

[EveHarrington]

Is he in therapy? Willing to go to therapy?

 

[angelindisguise]

He has been through a few different therapists, but says none of them helped. If he went with me it would probably work a little better, as he is resistant and untrusting of new people and I can imagine him thinking the whole process is just a pocket-grab.
As far as leading up to an outburst it can be anything, often it seems I have no idea what happens to trigger him, we are talking one moment and he is in a fit of rage the next. It can be something as simple as a political view I express that I'm not even aware he disagrees with, or he can get upset about something he reads online or sees someone else doing.

 

[angelindisguise]

I should add, when he is mid-fit I often try to gently coax him to sitting and breathing with me, or gently tell him he's being irrational, but it often makes things worse and he tells me that I'm crazy, it's all in my head etc. So I just end up sitting in silence waiting for him to get a grip, and he always does eventually, but even my silence makes him irate, because he thinks I "don't even care"

 

[Gs172003]

I should add, when he is mid-fit I often try to gently coax him to sitting and breathing with m...

Has he seen a trauma therapist?

 

[angelindisguise]

No, perhaps I should encourage that!

 

[girlpower]

i hate to say this but feel i must, this is also typical of the abuse cycle. It may not be his fault, it could actually be a result of a traumatic brain injury but please look up the power wheel of abuse and see if there is any red flags. These abusers can have two different personalities. Just stay awake. And talk to your therapist about this.

 

[Abstract]

I would add that it is just possible he doesn't have PTSD. Has any of his previous therapists suggested this is the case for him? Has he said anything that makes it clear he is dealing with trauma symptoms? Its quite possible for us to project our own experiences onto others, I know I have in the past.

Could you discuss here what his symptoms are that make you believe this is happening for him? It is important in that how you approach this will be different depending on what is going on for him. Not telling you to leave and rather looking at this fully.

 

[Coco80]

It's so hard, seeing the person you care about become this other person . It's just damn hard