Ptsd... Things Can Be More Complex Than They Seem?

[Thinkingman85]

The reason I developed PTSD symptoms was because of shock from what had happened. I was emotionally being disrespected by someone that always tried to get the upper hand and hurt me. He is my older brother. He used to be a drug addict and now he is clean (if you consider clean living off of saboxone). In the past, I had to detach myself from him because his drug addiction was threatening and his behavior was disrespectful. On the surface, it looks like his drug addiction isn't like how it was. His behavior is different in some regards while being the same in others. Him still trying to get the upper hand is an attribute that he still carries. It is pathetic. It is what has led me to PTSD symptoms. I can see it plain as day.

Now, after our previous fallout, he tells me that he wants me to succeed (after how he has treated me). I think he expects me to embrace him and believe that he is a good person that cares about me. My feelings tell me otherwise. I still see his encouraging behavior as deceptive and self-centered. Just getting over him and realizing that he is a piece of shit is something I want to come to terms with. It's either that, I get revenge for what has happened in the past (which feels like it is the only option to get rid of my severe depression and PTSD), or continue to keep hope alive (which I don't) while suffering in a debilitative way. I have to find a way to overcome him (at least what he has done in the past). Him being completely dead (forgotten) to me is something I want, but the drama attached (community reputation) keeps me in pain along with the desire for revenge. Oddly enough, he is dead to me, but that doesn't mean that my suffering has gone away... which it HAS TO!

 

[saffy]

Hi thinkingman

Does he understand the reprocussions of his behaviour towards you? Sometimes that is all that is needed. You have told us how his behaviour makes you feel and how it has affected you. THerefore he has been the catalyst.

YOu also make comments on how he wants to you succeed but continues with this negative behaviour towards you and so does not take any of the responsibility for it.

This is obviously something you need to get off your chest, this could be a form of revenge if you like, by putting the owness back onto him. But this must be done in a controlled way so that you both have the chance to speak and to listen without it blowing up into conflict where you are both trying to defend yourself and no one is really listening to the point. If that makes sense.

I hope that helps bit.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

Telling him how much I've been affected will just display more weakness. He knows what he's done. In the idealistic way of trying to enjoy life, I've tried forgiving myself and not seeking retibution to those that hurt me. In reality, I'm on prozac and going to therapy. If I can't be normal again, there's no point of me continuing. I can't accept this way of life. I'm not suicidal, but I'm being a realist.

 

[Thinkingman85]

The only way I'll be normal again is if the people that disrespected me don't have a grip... I don't let them affect me, but emotionally, it is still there that keeps me at square one.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sadly, PTSD doesn't work that way. Letting go of those people who did us wrong can be healing, but it doesn't undo the damage that was done to us.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I know ScaredofLonely. I still like to see things in a posttraumatic growth way, not an always being damaged way. It's stated that PTSD is incurable, but there is a way for one to feel normal again and live a fulfilling life. I'm trying to figure out how. When there are people that want to instill fear into you, how can you move on?

 

[saffy]

Telling him how much I've been affected will just display more weakness.

Hi Thinkingman85

Not necessarily my friend, It could also be a sign of assertiveness. It depends how you approach the matter.

I can see your thoughts process on trying ignore it. That helps and it allows you to not take it on oboard or personally sometimes.

Here is something for you to read that might give you some help. Have a look at the whole site :)
For me it changed the way I thought about myself, I realised hang on we are all equal in this world and you have no right in trying to put me down and make me feel bad, the same as I have no right to return this behaviour towards others. I also realised that behaviour like this is normally from a person with very low self esteem themselves, making me feel bad or worse than them somehow gives them momentary happiness, but in the whole of things inside they are completely unhappy, fuelled by resentment and greed. Nothing is going to make them happy or at peace with themselves.

http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/assertiveness/how-to-be-more-assertive-part12.html

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Whitneys story]

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Your brother might be talking but he can't be listening to what he says.

I would write him a letter, explain how you feel; the invalidating current action. Hopefully he will feel what his actions have done. Some programs have people ask forgiveness, but if they truly don't feel it; there just blowing hot air! I wish you success on your journey.