Sufferer Ptsd With Major Depression

[mysage]

I am new to this site and actually found it by accident.

A little about myself; I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. For the most part once I got away from my abusers I was able to live a somewhat normal life, so I thought.

After going to school and obtaining a dream job I was once again victimized in the work place. That was like a blow to gut. I was taken back to how I was treated as a kid and the same helpless feelings. I was able this time to defend myself, yet delayed. Where I had worked I was on probation for 6 months (a lot can happen in that amount of time), but turned him in for sexual harassment. It was considered "he said" "she sad", so nothing was done.

It seems like a nightmare gone terribly wrong. After a few years of this nightmare and having to work with the perp and seeing the victimization of others by his hand. I felt on constant edge, so I resigned.

I have tried and have been extremely unsuccessful at gaining employment. I feel like I am the freak because I couldn't just keep it together or know how to effectively defend myself without coming across as a crazy person.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and welcome to the forum. :)

I am sorry you had to go through that. I know what major depression feels like to and I am sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else.

Are you seeing a therapist or have any support?

Take care.

 

[mysage]

Hi Ayesha,
Yes, I have a great therapist now. My last one wasn't so good for me while I was going through the abuse. My Therapist is using EMDR on me. I am now going through so many flashbacks that I can hardly sleep. I have a few "safe people" now. That was one of the best things that I have learned in therapy was about what "safe people" are.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am very happy to hear that you have support. :)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Sailorgal]

Mysage,

Welcome! I'm glad EDMR is helping you. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself because you "feel" like you're a freak. Your experiences have shaken you up but the good thing is that you know where it stems from. Unemployment is very stressful...I myself am in that position so I feel your frustration and fear.

Focus on your well being first. The last thing you need is a job only to quit or get fired. You are in a better place than before so focus on the future YOU with more self-confidence and emotional stability. It'll happen eventually. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Mysage,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

As you read and look around the site, you'll find the phrase "you get worse before you get better" used a lot. That is true with trauma therapy and could be what you are experiencing with the EDMR right now. But it is true that even though things get worse in the short run, the benefits in the long run are so worth it.

I hope you find the information and support on this site helpful as you heal.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[mysage]

Sailorgal,
I unfortunately just went through the "get fired" thing. Actually it was a temp to hire position and when they opened the job to full time I got to meet the candidates that were interviewing for the job I was doing. It was really hard and well I think the inability to focus came out at that time. The two things that they told me as to why they chose another candidate was one I was easily distracted and two my sense of urgency wasn't there. Understandably the lack of focus stemmed from having to do work for the one person while a candidate was standing right in front of me. The sense of urgency is beyond me. I stayed later to get work done and came in whenever they needed me, so that one I can't make sense of. It was a blow to my self esteem though. I was always a high achiever.

I do have a phone interview tomorrow in a different department than I was when I resigned. There truly isn't much work in this area except for the University. I know what happened was not my fault and am hoping that I get another chance to do what I loved doing.

Thank you for the words of encouragement.

Mysage

 

[Ruckster]

Good luck with the phone interview. I wish you the best.

 

[Sailorgal]

Sorry to hear that Mysage.

As much as you need to focus on being positive for the interview, prepare yourself for tough questions (it may only seem tough to you because of what you went through). Be ready to handle any triggers.

Relax as much as you can. And let us know how it goes!!!! Wish you the best!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. it is so nice to meet you. I hope you will like it here.

 

[Suchafnldy2]

Wow! Our stories are so similar it's scary... ;) I'm new, this is my first post, I'm guessing I'm going to feel this way about a lot more of the stories I read with time.

I hope you find some relief and comfort somehow.