Putting Yourself First When Processing A New Trauma

[Suzetig]

I have a really hard time holding up under pressure depending on who it's coming from.

That bit belongs to you - if going back there at the moment is too much for you, you really need to explain that to him and ask that he either covers for you or see if you can make alternative arrangements for your children. Can another parent take them for a while, can your husband take over for a while etc. Your girls may prefer it if you were there, but you're capacity to care for them will be compromised if you keep being retraumatised every time you go there.

Try not to hide behind your T if possible, this is something you need him to take care of because you need to feel safe to process what's happened. Rather than thinking of it as putting yourself first, think of it as allowing yourself to heal. Would you feel the same fear if you had broken your leg and couldn't drive them there? What would you do in that case? It's the same thing here.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

That bit belongs to you - if going back there at the moment is too much for you, you really need to exp...

I know you're right. I shouldn't be hiding behind anyone.
My T just tells me that if I need a bad guy to blame, he's happy to be that person. He feels the same as you do.
My husband has never understood what healing from trauma (PTSD) is. He's all logic... doesn't get or understand emotion at all. I just find this to be a hard subject.

 

[Suzetig]

It is a hard subject, and very raw. Your husband honestly doesn't need to understand PTSD, emotions or anything. He just needs to meet your need even if he doesn't understand why. If he doesn't get it, I probably wouldn't even try to explain, I'd just say I'm not going and if that means the kids miss gymnastics then so be it.

If from there he tries to force your or use emotional blackmail, you've got bigger issues to deal with.

 

[Gs172003]

My daughters take gymnastics classes. My husband and I alternate Saturdays. We don't go together. My...

He's just going to have to understand you can't do it. Can you come up with a reason to tell your daughter?

Better yet what does your therapist suggest?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I guess as @Suzetig said, he doesn't have to get it. Just accept it.

One thing my T has been working with me on is making and respecting my own choices. Setting boundaries and sticking to them. Do what's best for me. Not others. If my husband is trying to suggest something that I know is not best for me, then the answer is no.

Right now, my Therapist is telling me to stay as far from the gym as possible. Not long term, but for now. It's not helpful for me or my family if I go and then dissociate for the next week or two. That is what happened last time. I'm only coming out of it now.

One of my daughters gets what happened on some level, but I don't know how she'll respond to time frames or missing my not being there. Time will tell.