General Question About Why The Loved Ones Get Tossed Aside

[Deleted member 28812]

I am not a psychologist but here is my guess:

He could also push you away because of fear of losing you... some Vets are afraid that bad things might happen to their loved ones and they will be heartbroken. How do some try to prevent this prevent this? Some run themselves ragged, are overprotective and try to shield their loved ones from everything.

Some stop loving, detach, because if you don't love you are less vulnerable.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

The fear or hypervigilance a person with combat PTSD feels is often not about himself but about a significant other. He can watch out for himself but in his mind his loved ones can not.

 

[spookedlife]

@Penci, sorry. I mean he abandoned me when he isolated from me but calls an texts daily. Through some other issues I told him I needed my space, to be done with the situation for my health. I felt like I deserted him while he is sick and I felt quilt about that. A friend pointed out he is the one that deserted me through the isolation. Which therefore relieves my guilt.

I'm glad you've found a way to relieve yourself of guilt. I think, as long as you tried your best to make him aware of your reasons, in other words...that you just couldn't handle a relationship with this much stress right now, etc....and didn't imply that it was his fault, for "not measuring up"...or take your frustrations out on him in the process of breaking up...you've done all you can, and all you're obligated to do. My perspective, as a sufferer who's been there, anyway.

But if you handled it differently...I do hope, for his sake...and yours...that you'll now try to set matters straight.

Not that a self-destructive reaction on his part, at this point, as a result, would be your fault, of course...but I do know that there have been instances where sufferers on the other end of such breakups have made rash, self-destructive choices under the circumstances...especially if in an unstable place, already, at the time.

And I do think that the guilt you, yourself, might experience as a consequence...would be much more difficult to free yourself from, in all likelihood, in the long run. My two cents..

 

[Becksknox]

@Pencil Thank you. I reassure him daily that I'm always here no matter what. Despite all the pain he has caused me (which I would never tell him) but that for now I needed to step back. He has continued to call and text since then. I'll always be there but I won't reach out to him first. The last thing he needs is my pain.

 

[Victoria Robbell]

Bingo. Same here. Your question is like asking...why do we favor a finger, after slamming it in the...

Very helpful. Thanks

 

[Milo's papa]

Can anyone answer why the supporters, in my case, I'm the girlfriend, always get pushed so far away an...

Becksknox, i'm willing to bet it has to do with his being afraid. Like you said, you're the one who knows his story and that's a scary place to go for anyone.

Can anyone answer why the supporters, in my case, I'm the girlfriend, always get pushed so far away an...

 

[Becksknox]

@Milo's papa Thank you. I completely agree. He has to face his ish around me but not his "surface friends" as I call them who know nothing.

 

[Milo's papa]

@Milo's papa Thank you. I completely agree. He has to face his ish around me but no...

Becksknox, Don't ever stop making him face up to hes "ish". Sure it may push himm all the way away,but at leeast you know that you tried your best for him. And hopefully he'll see that as well.

 

[Wastinglight]

Hi @Becksknox. Sorry to hear that things are tough right now.

Can anyone answer why the supporters, in my case, I'm the girlfriend, always get pushed so far away and then the sufferer is always with shallow friendships.

Yep, I get this too, although my guy is agoraphobic as well as having PTSD, so he doesn't go out to see his friends - instead he chats to them online. He does this to keep them at arm's length. The way he's described it to me is that texting it's the least stressful way of maintaining relationships with people, because that way, he can "pick up and put down friendships" when it suits him. He even tried to do this with me in the first few months of our relationship. Somehow we've managed to get to the point where we're living together (it still astonishes me that we managed to get this far), but I don't know how much longer it will last. He doesn't appear to be coping with me being around all the time, so he is pushing me away hard at the moment.

I do understand that when he gets stressed, he needs alone time, so he pushes me away. That's quite simply the only way he knows how to deal. But now that we're living together, it's not really working - even me being in the same room, tapping away at my computer, pisses him off.

The bottom line is, at least with my guy, when they get stressed, even just having someone around that they have to care about, overloads them. Does that help at all?