Question For Sufferers Who Have Ever Pushed A Loved One Away.

[Anna]

I pushed my partner away because I felt like noone would ever or could love me. Part of me felt like a monster. I also had/have deep trust issues. I virtually trust noone. I sometimes feel like I am better off alone, and they are better off alone. I also find it hard to feel love towards my partner. I find it easier to have short term relationships.

I also have fear of abandonment and sometimes feel it is easier to end it before they do. However, I realise this is now not the case. I have learned to live with my feelings.

I have been with my partner over a decade now, and I have accepted my paranoia and trust issues. I also realise that deep down my partner does love me.

 

[mamachick]

I don't have the words, but the positive side of the trust issue is that sometimes you can forget about why you 'shouldn't'.
So in that way it probably helps that 'supporters' should express their own needs, that might reduce the focus by sufferers on their own fears/ past experiences.

I think that is the key. When and if we get there, er forget about why we shouldnt. Very profound. I think your words are perfect

 

[mamachick]

I have been there and burnt again. For me, with each burning, I move further from the flame. If you stay clear of relationships, you remove chance of getting burnt, but also remove chance of something positive.

Maybe it is because I still choose the wrong people to trust, or maybe it is that others are human too, and even those without ptsd, when they are afraid and the relationship is endng for other reasons, in their own insecurity, use things against us.

It is important for supporters to ask for what they need, to show trust in me without fear that it will trigger me, with the knowledge that I can handle it, and if I cant, I can tell them.

 

[NurseandMom]

This is what started me on my journey towards getting help. I find myself in panics that my boyfriend doesn't love me and I hurt him with words. I usually can't stop until he's gone (which subconsciously, I think he will be gone no matter what). Then I feel guilty, ashamed, and alone. It's hard not to hate myself. :( We've gotten back together many times, but it's not going to keep happening. I have to figure out how to stop it somehow.

 

[janej32]

Well it's good that you have recognized the problem and are trying to get some help! Good for you :) Please don't hate yourself, you sound like such an amazing girlfriend because you really do care to fix it.

 

[lil_fighter]

I have been pushed away by someone 'Rob' who was open with me about his PTSD and depression - I remember feeling hurt, confused and blamed myself for a while.

I then dated another guy who had issues but who was very abusive towards me..when he started to withdraw I referred back to my previous experience and thought 'he's probably depressive and needs time alone' but on reflection my own PTSD combined with his abusive behaviour made me see the whole thing in a warped way..it turned out he was withdrawing whilst playing mind games and being hot and cold, abusive because he was scared and probably shocked to realise I hadn't reported him to the police for something he had done to me at his place, which added to my PTSD - that's another story

but I know how it feels to be pushed away (by the genuine PTSD sufferer 'Rob' I mentioned in the beginning) yet a few years later (now) I pushed everyone away temporarily when I reached burnout...so even though we can know how it feels sometimes we are in a place mentally that is just too confusing to even be able to deal with friends/family and it is selfish to an extent but ironically we need people the most at that time but withdraw to protect ourselves (and others) even if it doesn't seem that way. I have regained contact with good friends and family, even my dad and I have realised that I have a large support network especially my family who are understanding. The positive thing is that I now realise from a personal perspective exactly why PTSD sufferers push people away or withdraw and I think that's the only way you can fully understand it. What you said is so true...

even those without ptsd, when they are afraid and the relationship is endng for other reasons, in their own insecurity, use things against us.

 

[Bimble]

I have found reading this thread so interesting, I'm going through similar issues. I feel overwhelmed with paranoia that I am not worthy to be with my partner, paranoid about being cheated on, paranoid about failing as a father. The negativity is just so overwhelming. These feelings have been building over the past few months, along with my inability to cope with other ptsd symptoms. I have never felt like this in my entire life.

My self confidence is blown apart completely...my ptsd seems to be getting worse and I don't know how to cope. My lack of sleep doesn't help, with flashbacks becoming a major issue throughout night and day.

I just wish my accident never happened, wish it so much. I know this is negative in itself but I am so different to how I used to be. A completely different person.

 

[Anna1954]

Bimble are you getting help at the moment??????? Please don't take this as a negative comment,but one to stand back and analyse it.

If you know you have a problem why not seek help. You say your ptsd is getting worse than try to get the help you need. It is not shameful or weak to make your life better. If you do not seek help you will always be getting worse. The way I think I do not want anything controlling me so I try to beat it down.

I for one have just been pushed away from a man I cared very much for and I knew I was spiraling down. I went to the doctors and got put back on medication. I have depression issues and when I get rejected by people I care about, the stress and anxiety become more than I can bare, I know I need help.

 

[pandora]

I have done this too many times to count. I know it is not healthy but I still get torn between feeling lonely and then wanting to isolate and shut the world out and then not wanting to be alone because I feel so lonely. I guess for me it has become a viscous cycle.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think too the alternative can be numbness. But numbness can remove any feelings of caring or trying to bother any more, feels like indifferance and no emotion about it.

 

[shell]

I push people away all the time, I don't know how to relate to people, but more importantly I push my husband away even though I really love him.

I'm so insecure at the best of times, I constantly think he is going to leave me, find someone better when he realizes how defective I am, and doesn't love me anymore.

At times I push him away because I depressed, or anxious and I'm isolating and need to be left alone, but at other times I assume I know what he's thinking, or put the wrong interpretation on his actions.

I have been hurt and betrayed in so many relationships, that I constantly push people away before they can know me, if they can't get close then they can't hurt me. My therapist was amazed I ever managed to meet my husband given my inability to let anyone near me.

 

[Anna1954]

Junebug and Shell I understand your frustrations all too well. I had stayed celibate for approx. 19 yrs. I met a Marine about 3 yrs ago. We talked on Facebook and met in person we had an instant attraction to each other. But I told myself if I don't go with my feelings than he will go away and I won't ever have to have an emotional connection with him.

This past February he invited me to his home in another state. Even though my mind kept telling me not to go my heart said something else and I took a leap of faith. I do not know why I let this man into my life after pushing away so many others for 19 yrs. I just had a good feeling about him so I went, everything was going good. After the 3rd day I sensed he was in a thinking mood about something. I noticed he picked up some papers that looked legal like divorce papers and signed them.

A few hours past and I looked at him and said,"after this when do you think we will see each other again?" He goes,"now you probably want a ring and commitment." I said, "that is not what I was saying. I just figured it out by that time what was going on, so I didn't keep going with it.

I figured 3 or 4 tours in Afganistan and Iraq took its toll (PTSD). He served and retired after 32 yrs. Well I was suppose to stay 8 days and ended staying 4 because I could tell his stress level was high with me there. The trigger the divorce papers I figured. He did say can you get your flight changed, so I did and came home broken hearted.

My trigger for my depression to hit a high, was what I felt as his rejection of me. I had stayed alone 19 yrs and I found this beautiful man, let him into my life only to be pushed away by someone else I cared about. I could tell I was spiraling to a black hole and I knew only me could pull me out. I went to the doctors and got put back on prozac. Right now I am a broken woman, but with some more therapy and medicine hope to get back to ME!

The strange thing is that the hurt is so deep that when I feel like crying only one or two tears fall and nothing else comes. I wish I could just sit and have a good cry, because when I least expect it or I see something that reminds me of him and few tears come to my eyes.

He has not contacted me since I left February 16 and I do not know if he ever will. Still I care deeply for him. The least I thought he could have done was given me an explanation or why he did what he did and an apology. Broken in NY