Question For Sufferers Who Have Ever Pushed A Loved One Away.

[KimmerM]

I agree you

I do believe that you will come across someone right for you

I have felt like this and right now I am. My boyfriend and I had a DEEP conversation tonight and I realized that my fear of losing people in my life has had me fleeing in a relationships I have had since my diagnosis of PTSD.

My current relationship is a healthy one BUT I realized reading your thread I am starting to push him away because I fear the relationship is "Bad" or "We are doing bad", that he mad (when he isn't at all) BUT nothing is wrong and he and I are fine.

He has seen me and looked past the PTSD and sees the real me the before the PTSD and I never realized that til now, I am letting the PTSD define when I shouldn't let it. Thank you for this thread and thank you for letting me share this and vent also.

 

[kitty_B]

I've just realised that I've been pushing my partner away and I think I know why. As soon as I thought/felt that he was rejecting me, which is one of my biggest issues, I started to push him and cause rows with him over nothing. All so that he would choose to leave me and I could say well I knew that you would do that anyway. It's finally got to the point where he cant take my behavior anymore and cant trust me.

He hasn't even left yet and I'm already regretting all my actions, even though I didn't realize what I was doing at the time. I'm hoping that I will at least learn from my massive mistakes.

X

 

[mamachick]

Im finding that I am doing more of this lately. I went off anti depressants 6 months ago and much more impulsive with words and actions. I am much less tolerant. I am much more sensative, feel betrayed often,

I too have shut down. I cant seperate what is my stuff and what is the other persons. I think I put myself in bad situations because I have a history of expecting little from others. I dont set good boundaries. Then I hit my limit.

Ptsd aside, my daughters boyfriends mother said she has to take anti depressants to tolerate her husbands behavior. I feel like that is what I have done as well for a long time. But I guess I will have to go back on because while I have a role in pushing them away, I have also become very depressed.

 

[reallydown]

Yes...I have done this too...in order not to hurt them but also for self-preservation...Many of your posts, brat17, articulate it better than I can here. I tend to push away more when things get more intense/closer etc. As others have said, it goes back to trust. Unfortunately, I am not at a place where I can really trust anyone...so, it's best not to even go there. And yes, every time I have done this kind of pushing away, I have regretted it. :(

 

[mamachick]

I have unhealthy boundary issues and allow others to violate them. While I may have struggled with this some in the past, it was after an accident that I became much more vulnerable to this. A head injury left me with many cognitive symptoms and emotional symptoms. I was more sensative, often frustrated, etc. and frontal lobe damage caused more impulsive behavior. I finally realized this and try to be more assertive, but my lack of skill often pushes people away.

reallydown, I am in the same place as you. I am not at a place where I can really trust anyone...., so I pretty much don't go there either. But I must say, it does get very lonely at times. For now, that is where I am at though.

 

[reallydown]

I think I have unhealthy boundary issues too. And you're right, brat17, it does get lonely, even for an introvert.

 

[mamachick]

I am sorry to say that I have little regret for pushing away. Actually, I am extremely loyal and have a pattern of staying too long and accepting too much bad behavior. I am a good victim of abuse. I know very few people I would even consider to be healthy. My own daughter has been very abusive (physically a few times). It hurts to push people away and I end up grieving, but I do not want to be the door mat that I have allowed myself to be for the past few years. I guess I will take my pills and play computer games and watch tv. I do not like drama and I do not create it, so I dont want others bringing their drama into my life.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I have spent most of my life pushing people away once they get to close. Everyone, loved, liked or related. PERIOD. Family, people, husbands. I do not know how to relate to people in a proper manner. Not until my mental collapse, hospitalization, therapy and medication did I even realize what I was doing. I just seriously thought no one liked me.

I now know that I push people away before they can hurt me---since that is what I expect. Consequently, at age 65 I find myself with not one single person in my life. Right now, if I were to become ill and need help--------well, I'm screwed-----there is no one to call.

So, my friends, be careful how you treat people!

 

[Chillgirl]

I have a question for those sufferers who have ever pushed a loved one away (friend,family member or spouse) or have purposely sabotaged a relationship.

After pushing away and retracting from the relationship did you regret it or just completely forget (or try to anyway) about that person?

I myself have pushed people away, either because I didn't feel anything, didn't want to hurt them, or didn't want to get hurt myself. I always felt guilty after doing this and I'm just wondering how others have dealt with this.

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate location for this:
I am actually on the opposite end of this and seeking answers... My vet pushed me away for reasons that I believe the original question/post was made: didn't want to hurt me/burden me/feel guilty. He also just med-boarded out of the army after 10 years of service and "is too overwhelmed right now, doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone else right now... It's too exhausting to even think about." he wants to keep me as a friend, just doesn't want a relationship, but even as a friend he avoids me and pushes away.

We were really good together, no abuse on either end, no judgments from me, I'm very loving and supportive of him: there for him through flash backs, anxiety attacks, depression, and all of the good & happy times too. Even mutual friends were shocked, thought we were so good together, and didn't understand. I have never experienced a loss this significant and am completely heart broken by this. I understand that he needs to make his decisions to help himself the best that he can.

I guess my question is how is this something that can be worked through, if it can at all... Like I said I am crushed by the break up/push away and don't know if just remaining that silent friend will ever change or what. I'm just at a loss I guess... Any advice from those that have pushed a healthy, loving person/relationship away?

 

[Chillgirl]

@stavi82
I am hoping my vet can see with similar eyes that you have... Something so good, and he's pushed it away. We are still friends, even tho he still avoids me and pushes away. I hope his heart can be opened up and that he sees that I'll never leave his side, no matter what. I refuse to let him completely ignore me, but I also don't want to be the annoying/stalker ex girlfriend turned friend... I'm at a loss of what to do.

 

[Meadowsweet]

@Chillgirl , your friend has been very honest with you, and in being so he is probably being very honest with himself. It is difficult to understand, but if he says he needs all his energy just to survive PTSD, then that really is what he needs.

Isolating is sometimes seen as abuse or self harming/sabotaging what seems like a healthy relationship. It can be that. But with PTSd it often isn't - it's not delusions or excuses, there is a genuine need sometimes to be away from close people, because it creates additional stress or pressure. It is a need, to help the person find balance and deal with their illness.

 

[Mellissia]

I Push away to see if they realy love me and will come back for me and prove me wrong. I hope one day some one will love me unconditonly and se threw my nonsense en persue me instead of giving up imediatly. Ive been hurt and left behind by my familly friends and loved ones. When i finaly trusted some one again they promissed me to be around but got sick or died or had to move far away. Betrayed by my parents the gave up on me a long time ago and it still hurts. Ive got ptsd and depresion and an addiction i cant get rid off. So i also find that im not worthy to the persons i let closer to me. I keep telling myself i want love but dont know how to love my self... so how can i be with some one?