Questions About Dissociation

[Queen Boudica]

I've got a few questions that are bugging me about dissociation.

Can other people tell that I am dissociating (going into myself) just from looking at me?

What is wrong with me dissociating? How is it different from say self hypnosis?

I thought that dissociation was a signal that something really serious happened that then causes someone to dissociate.

My childhood was bad, my mother was a lunatic and, when I was 18 my sister ended up with a breakdown and in a mental hospital and eventually she died of an overdose at 31. I was totally isolated and bullied at school. But I never really thought that any of this was so bad compared to what other children went through. Is that really enough to have given me complex trauma and I think a serious amount of dissociation that I have. Could I be blocking out anything more serious or was that enough?

 

[SimplyComplex]

We often think our life was "normal" and not as bad as other people's. But its part of the denial that we use to survive.

People might be able to tell you are distant, but unless they have training, I doubt they know you are dissociating. I know when my husband and step son are though.

Wrong...well only you can answer it for yourself. I found it is a barrier to recovery....and it is a whole lot less fun then being really alive. I am just now addressing dissociation with my T...today I froze up. So hard to talk about!

 

[Sazza]

Only you can really know if you are blocking anything more serious out or maybe you don't know maybe it's lost and you are protecting yourself. You ask if it's traumatic enough, this is very individual thing what one person may find traumatic someone else may not so guess trying to say yes. But. Thinking it might not is something we often do trivialise things so it doesn't seem real denial.

People may notice you are distant but professionals etc may realise this is dissociation. Otherwise people on day day basis probably just think you are day dreaming or something. Dissociation can protect us for so long not sure I see it as bad thing from time to time but when it happens often it starts to affect life. Also when dissociating people can become unaware and can be risk to themselves at times.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Thanks for the answers.

I guess I'm still trying to work out about dissociation. After my last session at the psychologists, I think I am pretty certain that I am doing it a lot and beginning to recognise what I do.

Certainly at the last session and in previous sessions when we are talking about my trauma or even when I am just feeling awkward, I start fiddling with items of my clothing, jewellery, staring at them moving them slowly, opening and closing zippers and I notice I am in a sort of trance like state where I can hear what he is saying and respond but I am not looking at him I am looking away and I am distant. Is that dissociation?

When I am at home I think it is more like I am in a full trance, staring into blankness, sometimes in thoughts but mostly not. Scary thing is I think I have been doing it quite a lot but never really noticed till now.

And when I am talking to people, looking away from them not making eye contact, distancing myself?

I think that is it but I can't believe it. Really I can't believe I have gone through my life like this. And I know that the complex trauma diagnosis is correct, it fits like a glove, makes so much sense about how I am. But it is still so shocking that I have it that my childhood resulted in me being so damaged.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I think the issue with talking about dissociation is that people experience it in many different ways. It is almost like snow flakes. I just sent a 3 page accounting of most of my known dissociative symptoms to my therapist. I think it is great progress for you to see what is dissociative for you so you can start working on it.

I am not sure not making eye contact is dissociative, but it might be. I haven't seen that as an example in my reading on the subject...but then again it really is unique to the individual. You may be dissociating when you are doing that? I think I dissociate when I meet people because I barely remember anyone I meet.

I am with you. I think it is my normal. When I first read about dissociation, I was like "wow, thats it? Really? So what? It doesn't bother me!". My husband is a really big dissociate-er too, so it is just part of our life I guess. But with time and looking at it, I can see how it is damaging to my life and how I would be better without it. T says it is a childhood coping skill that is automatic yet is now unneeded.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I think I dissociate when I meet people because I barely remember anyone I meet.

That's really interesting. I have this real problem with meeting new people. If I meet them again I don't recognise them. I am not sure whether they are the same person I was talking to the first time. Something to do with I have just not got enough information about their facial features and how they look, like I have not taken that in when I meet them because I am probably not focusing enough on that person and I am dissociating to some degree? Does that make sense?

 

[SimplyComplex]

Yeah it does. I think I make a lot of eye contact when I meet. I kind of shift my personality when I am meeting people and become more friendly and outgoing. But then later I see them again and reintroduce myself. It can be a bit embarrassing. I joke I am one of the unlucky few who are bad with names and faces

 

[Queen Boudica]

I joke I am one of the unlucky few who are bad with names and faces

Me too! Isn't that the worst thing. I don't recognise them and, even when I do, I can't remember their name.

And I will do anything to avoid asking them the name again or telling them I have forgotten their name, as it seems like it is so terrible and embarassing. And, to be honest, even if they told me their name again I would forget it in an instant.

 

[SimplyComplex]

lol or where you met them...if you even did. I dont mind asking their names again if it is clear we have met and I don't recall it. I try to teach my kids its ok to ask, so I think I live that one by example. But its when I am not sure if I have met them...

But then again, sometimes I do remember and not everyone remembers meeting me. So maybe it is just normal

 

[Queen Boudica]

Actually one of the worse things is when two people look similar and I am thinking that the person I am speaking to is the other person.
I have that problem with blonde women in particular. It takes me ages to feel certain that the blonde I am talking to is the same blond I think she is and sometimes she isn't!

 

[Anna]

Only my very close friends notice. They ask me why I am so distant and negative. I always make up some dumb excuse which normally works. Otherwise noone realises.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I am beginning to think that maybe that is why I do feel so left out in a group of people. Maybe I am zoning out and then realise that I have been left out of the group.

But then again I feel so awkward in those situations, like I don't have anything to say that anyone would possibly be interested in and I feel like such a blob that that probably causes me to zone out in the first place.