Questions About Therapists Dropping Clients

[newtothis]

Hi everyone,

I am new here and this is my first post. I just started therapy a few months ago. I have mixed feelings about it because in ways I feel better, but I also struggle with completely opening up to someone I don't really know. I would say that we have made good progress in the time we've had, but that there is still much more to be discussed.

After reading through some of these forums about other people's experiences, I am now worried that I will get dropped out of no where, or that we will reach a certain point or subject and they will want to refer me elsewhere. How can I get over this fear...or is it a reasonable concern to have? I just don't know how I can let myself open up out of fear of abandonment, but at the same time I know that not opening up is equally likely to be a problem.

 

[NightSky]

The best thing to do is voice those concerns to your therapist. I need constant reassurance from mine about those things and she gives it to me whenever I ask. It's part of the process for a lot of us I suspect. Trusting is hard and a nuanced process. No one can foresee certain emergency circumstances but I'm sure your T can reassure you.

 

[Friday]

I'm not sure about it being a reasonable fear, so much? When people are posting Q's about problems, it can make it seem like all there is are problems, or that the common problems exist everywhere. It's not uncommon for insurance to change, or for a therapist to reach the end of their skillset & need to refer you to someone more qualified, or for there to be a breach of contract, or for a therapist to move/ have a baby/ retire/ etc.. But it's sorta like cheating... Just because it's not uncommon, doesn't mean every relationship is going to have that particular problem, ya know?

Agreed, best way to put the fear to bed would be to discuss it with your therapist. If they're smart they will NOT say something along the lines of "I'll always be here", because they could get hit by a bus crossing the street the next day, or fall in love and move to Hawaii (or if you're in Hawaii, to the mainland) in 5 years. Therapists are people, with lives, and shit happens. But talking with them would give you a 'from the horses mouth' picture on their immediate plans, for both their practice & a general idea of what they view their role to be in your own treatment plan.

 

[Muted]

I think the more you feel connected to your T. the more the issue is a concern. I have seen countless T's it have only been worried about it twice. I think it's a positive sign you and your T. are establishing trust and a good bond.

If you can try to discuss it I think that would be good. Your T. will then be aware and help you adjust to any changes like vacations or time off.

 

[whiteraven]

I think that it's always good to express these concerns to your therapist. Therapy, like everything in life, is not a permanent institution, although it's one of those constants that give us reassurance and, understandably, the removal of which would create a lot of anxiety. I'm one of those who have had several very bad experiences in this area, so I get a little crazy when there is even the hint that my therapist may leave.

We can't control what will happen with these relationships. That, I have learned the hard way. I have had a therapist close her practice after just a year with me - this, after she used the unfortunate "I will be here as long as you need me" when she first took me on as a client. My last psychiatrist dumped me (by certified letter - talk about unprofessional) after 14 years because I owed him 58.00. Yeah. And we had a good relationship. One therapist told me she just didn't have time for me. I did leave one on my own, after he threw something at me in a session.

My experiences aren't typical - think of them as worse case scenarios. Point is, I survived them, and have simply learned to be very cautious when choosing a therapist and, most importantly, not to become so attached emotionally. This latter may seem like a bad thing, but it is truly quite freeing, and it allows for a lot more room for growth.

One other thing. Occasionally, a therapist reaches his or her limits as far as what they can do to help you. Sometimes, they must refer you on for different kind of help. I've started viewing the therapist/client relationship in much the same way I view the mechanic/client relationship. If a mechanic doesn't have the right parts for, say, your foreign-made car, he's going to send you to another shop to get it fixed. It may sound a bit harsh, esp. when dealing with emotions/feelings, but we are really talking about no more than professionals with a specific skill set who we are hiring to help us fix something.

 

[Knak]

It seems the therapist needs to explain why the person is being let go and allow enough time for the client to process their feeling and help them do that if they are confused. I think they especially should admit to themselves if they don't know what they're doing, i.e., can't read the client. They should keep the client's best interest in mind otherwise they shouldn't be taking your money.

It's a two way communication and if the therapist doesn't understand the client they should give up any sense of superiority to tell the client they need help understanding. I think most therapists don't have a clue because if you haven't been through the same "tunnel of chaos" and come out the other end healed, how can you lead the client through the turmoil?

I majored in Psych and then counseling and wondered how I could charge someone to just be a friend and listen and support them when they are in pain? My friends always helped me more than counselors because I knew they cared enough to be around me. My doctors or therapists never gave advice about what to do or feedback on whether the situation was a sick one and why I got so messed up. They never remembered what I did say or ask questions to find out the source of my psychosis so they could tell me what happened to me. I was so sick I didn't know enough to even ask a question.

I had a breakdown while in Grad school so never completed it, but after learning and absorbing what caused my infinite problems that led to my breakdown and subsequent inability to function in society, which has taken 40 years so far, I could now give someone practical advice. If it weren't for the unconditional love of a few surrogate parents that helped me realize my years of being abused were not normal I never would have seen the daylight.

But someone who only knows what is in the books rarely has insight. Most go into the field because they have problems and it seems most want to justify being above all that, so pretend to help people humble enough to ask for help. Paying for getting nothing worthwhile is the travesty to me.

Sorry if I got on the wrong track.

 

[J'qel]

I had one therapist who was wonderful-but when I tried to get back to her, they assigned me someone else-who, while in my introductory appointment informed me she would only communicate during office hours, no phonecalls, no email or texts because she was dyslexic and asked me about my (post secondary) marks-I wasn't there for my marks, I was getting As in all my courses. Later in the same session of the "getting to know you" she had her back turned to me and I heard her mumble: "It's not*my* fault he committed suicide..."-I also have very good hearing and her office wasn't that large (she may have been a bit hard of hearing she was somewhat loud).

Perhaps adding in the fact that she was an admissions at another college I attended and told me while I had pneumonia that I had to either quit or go to class will help-and I wasn't the only one she told that if we couldn't hack it we should get out (almost verbatim). I don't know why the university I went to afterwards hired her, but I can guess why she was let go.

Needless to say, the next appointment when I had to rate how I trusted her, it came in low. The confidential survey. Which she then read off point for point to my face and told me that if I couldn't do better than that, she had no time for me, she didn't know why I was even there if I was able to keep my marks up.

....so.... another therapist.

She was..alright. I'll admit I have some prejudices about those with wholesome upbringing and family life-I don't feel they can relate or will understand-but I was trying, so I swallowed the initial trepidation and went with it. I was in a very bad spot and knew I needed help. I didn't have a good choice beyond help of some sort.

So I went, every week for a month, and then every two weeks. I'll admit now, in retrospect, I was hiding some of my relationship issues because I love my husband very much and while he's not abusive he does have his bad times where he'll say something or react certain ways that make me feel awful. I didn't want a "you should leave him" so instead I centered some of it around the fact that he was sabotaging my hobby. I shouldn't have, but at the time, it was really bothering me. She didn't see it as an issue, possibly partly due to the fact I couldn't point out that the hobby mentioned is my escape, my stress relief, and I hadn't had anything else that worked as well.

I expect that some will have this issue-we'll get back to it.

I am trying to explain to her about how I find myself *always* planning for things, even the most unbelievable strange things. So she asks for an example, and I assemble a point for point "what I would do" based on if someone came through the window of her office to try and hurt her or I. Okay she finds it a bit unsettling (she has a CRT monitor and some very pointy heavy paperweights). She asks me for another example, so again I tell her it's *highly unlikely* and ridiculous, but if she would attack me. Point for point. She's uncomfortable, I assure her that I used it purely because of how ridiculous it is, and I would never ever do violence to anyone, because I'm a pacifist, unless my life was in danger. We change topics, we move on.

...the next session she has a student with her (I almost always allow this-they need hours and practice-strangers aren't one of my triggers), and they then progress to talk about how awful and stupid my hobby of choice is. What terrible things it does to people and how it makes them rejects.

I haven't been back.

Therapists are hard. >.<

I'm going to try another one here soon, but I'm not sure if I can really find one who is familiar with PTSD who isn't aligned with the military. Mine's from a decade an a half of daily physical and emotional abuse, followed up with other abuses once I left my parents' house. I live in a quiet conservative city and I'm concerned I may not have much better luck-but I'm starting to have trouble again (acclimating to meds? SAD? stress from house renovations and holidays? uptick in my insomnia? I have no idea) and I need to find someone, or something.

I'm really regretting opening up to each therapist for various reasons. I can't shake the feeling that the first felt it was more than she could handle (probably true, she was mostly there for students who stress out due to exams and grades) that the second should have had her license revoked, and that the third may well be the average for what I find out there. If I hadn't told the first what was going on, the second that I didn't trust her, and the third what my hobby was, I would have been fine.

Now I'm not sure what I can say, or if I need to watch and wait for a bit before I say anything just to find out what is and isn't acceptable. I don't even know if that will even help if I have to be so concerned about how they'll react that I'm picking and choosing my words. It's a mess.

If you have a choice in therapists, I'd say go for full disclosure-but if you're in a conservative-more churches than movie theatres-maybe not.