Questions for Those With PTSD

[Linda]

Kathy, I think it also depends on each one's personality, not necessarily PTSD. We all looking for different qualities in friends or partners, PTSD or not.
I am lucky to have relatively mild symtpoms, and defenetely can live on my own and maintain decent living, although it is very helpful to have someone who cares for you around. My Hubby is in about the same wagon. We are, first of all, partners, a family, two indiviuals in relationship, and only then - each other's carers and sufferers. I can say that no one could help me better than Jose. Hope he can say the same about me :)
In my opinion, ideal carer is the one who:
-Knows the balance in providing care vs leaving me alone
-Separates PTSD-related issue sform my personality
-Being for me because of love, not because of feeling sorry.

I would like my carer to do these things:
-Have high standards and expectations for me, so I would have to keep him interested in me
-Respecting my personal space
-Understanding that I may need time alone, or some nonverbal time together
-Taking me as a whole person
-Being straightforward and honest always

These are things I would not like the carer to do:
-Trying to engulf me with love and care
-Discussing me behind my back
-Lowering standarts and expectation, or giving me any excuse because of PTSD
-Asking too much questions, pushing me to talk, especially about anything trauma-related or personal
-Enjoying me being ill, weak, and helpless, acting as I will not survive alone

 

[Nicolette]

We need to be asked to go places in order to know people still care. Even though we will decline being asked helps us feel at least a small connection to the rest of the world. Before I was diagnosed, I thought people did not like me. The never invited me to go places. I finally realized that they once were asking me but quit since I never went. So continue to include us and ask even if we decline.

I found your comment very interesting Grama-Herc. I can objectively sit on the other side of the fence and understand why your friends would stop asking you out but I never thought of the meaning of still being asked. Non-PTSD suffers would stop asking friends out if they were refused on more than a couple of occasions and I know I have tried to coax my friends out in the past. I never sat and thought about that difference for a PTSD suffer. I do know not to push Anthony but if a friend had PTSD and I did not know what I do now I would be guilty of peeving them off. Thank you for sharing this interesting point.

My thoughts are that you would need to have friends who understood at least a little about PTSD if you wanted them to help you on this point as I would never have thought of it.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Nicollette

I am so glad that something I said in this forum has helped at least "1" person. I sometimes feel like I only take from the people here. Thank you for recognizing that I can contribute to the forum and actually be helpful. You have no idea what your commenets has meant to me! From the bottom of my soul Thank You GRAMA-HERC

 

[EmoxxKid]

Well.....I will just wanted to stop by and sort of give you my thoughts on your questions...

I feel like one of the most importent things is that the carer not forget about themsevels! You can't help anyone if you can't help yourself....You matter as much as the person your helping.

Anyone...that's my 5 cents!

Geneva

 

[Marlene]

Lots of good info provided here.

I'll add my suggestion to the list. The carer and family need to realize that this is not a temporary thing. This is a life-long condition that needs constant tending or else things go from sugar to shit very quickly. It becomes a part of life. It becomes part of the reality of not only the person with PTSD, but their family as well. It takes a while to integrate this into life. It's tough, frustrating, tear-jerking and will be the cause of a lot of arguments. But it can be done if everyone is committed to keeping relationships/family together. My PTSD tested a lot of these committments in my life and fortunately the center held for me.

Also extended family needs to realize that this isn't something that the sufferer is going to 'get over'. It's not a cold, it's not the flu...it's there. Deal with it. I've heard my MIL say something along the lines of 'well, when Lisa gets better...' I've had to tell her that Lisa isn't getting better. This is our new reality. Extended family's support isn't as important (at least to me) as close family. But they need to be made to understand things as well.

My two cents tossed in.

Lisa

 

[just tina]

Don't keep asking, "What's wrong?", like it's going to be something different all of a sudden.

 

[Kathy]

Short and to the point, however very succinct Tina. Thank you for sharing!

 

[Kathy]

Thank you all once more for your suggestions, they were most insightful. I have used your suggestions to create an article which is now in the Carers Information section:

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread6505.html[/DLMURL]

 

[Nicolette]

Great work Kathy :thumbs-up