Questions On Opening Up? Can't Speak

[Hopeful85]

I've been seeing my therapist for the past 8 months. I've made huge progress since seeing her. I trust her, and that is huge for me. However, I still freeze up around her when it comes to talking about the sexual abuse. She knows some stuff, the basics, but when it comes to sharing the details, I freeze and can't speak. It's like I can no longer talk. Is it wrong to want to share with someone the details? I want to share them, but don't know how to get myself to where I can open up. Any Suggestions? Thoughts?

 

[Abstract]

It's not at all wrong. It is good to speak about it in the safety of therapy. You are not alone in having problems speaking in therapy. What goes through your mind at the time? Sometimes there are things stopping us other than dissociation and there are also sometimes things fuelling the fear other than the trauma itself.

 

[Hopeful85]

@Abstract I'm not sure. I keep telling myself to say something, anything. But nothing. I'm usually fighting back the tears and trying to prevent a flashback or panic attack. I guess the fear that speaking up will cause me to just break down. Getting the words out is just so hard.

 

[Abstract]

It sounds like it is purely the fear of the trauma itself and that is very understandable. I have certainly been there too. Trying to speak and not being able to - again and again and again.

Have you tried talking in t about your difficulty in talking about it? Have you worked on coping skills and feeling safe?

 

[Jane.l]

It's not wrong - but you may feel it is if you were told at the time not to tell. I have a whole list of reasons why I find it hard to talk about the past but I just totally shut down - dissociate and I can't get out of it

The only way I have been able to get this information over to my T is to email it . If your T doesn't do emails perhaps you could write it down and take it to your session. It's still not an easy thing to do but it is a way forward.
Good luck

 

[Hopeful85]

@Abstract Sort of. She's mentioned she seen me struggling to talk, she's completely understanding. She doesn't push me to talk, maybe I need to tell her how important it is to share the details so she would push me, a little. hmm.. ugh. She did suggest writing it down and then bringing it in to read it. I like that idea, but it's the same thing. I'm so afraid of having a full blown panic attack/ flashback in front of her. I don't want anyone seeing me freak out.

 

[Hopeful85]

@Jane.l She texts, not email, but she has suggested I write it down. And I have. Maybe I'll bring it in this week. I just want to be able to speak. And you are so correct, I was told multiple times not to tell, and then by my parents, that what I say doesn't matter. :/ Does it get easier?

 

[Jane.l]

Yes that's on my list of why talking is hard too - not being believed - or taken seriously.

To be honest it's not something I have control over - so I wouldn't say it's easier - sometimes we go for a walk in my session that helps keep me in the present and it feels like the actual act of moving forwards keeps my brain moving forwards too.

How long have you been with your T ?

 

[Jane.l]

I think it's great you have managed to write it down - give it to her you need to let her in so she can help you. I know exactly what you mean about WANTING to talk , it's frustrating but your brain is still trying to protect you .

 

[Hopeful85]

@Jane. almost 8 months. But this isn't my first time in therapy. I was in therapy for 3 years as a teenager, but never opened up. I was forced into going. But now, being in my late 20's, I know I need it.

 

[Jane.l]

Ok so you have built up trust with your T . I quite often have flashbacks in session but that's ok we handle them.

Is your T suggesting that you read your letter out loud to her ? because there is no way I could do that .

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Have you heard of the concept of "hidden observer"? It's a way to talk about your trauma without reliving it. Instead of discussing the trauma in the first person, you describe it as happening to "little you". You view yourself through a camera. If you start dissociating, you pull the camera back, ie from ceiling height to outside the house. The technique helps keep you more in the rational/wise mind where processing is possible. If you slip into emotional mind then the ability to process shuts down completely as your emotions are running the show.

Many say it's simply a matter of telling your story over and over until you have no emotional reaction. however this is counterproductive as the constant re telling simply reinforces negative neural pathways. Something you definitely don't want.

I'm not sure how much of his work is online, but I learned this technique under the direction of Dr Louis Tinin.