Other Quirky Side Effects Of Being Imprisoned &/or Held Captive

[Friday]

I know there’s not a lot of people who have experienced this, here. That’s okay.

And the… QUALITY… of being held against your will, varies so tremendously. An individual, a group, a nation & which nation (there’s a top ten list, somewhere, about best countries to do time). The level of “authority” involves… matters? To some degree? Like it’s okay for people to be imprisoned by the state but not by an individual, or group, or vice versa. All …depending… on this, that, the other.

I’m not super interested in those deviations. Anthropologists & sociologists can have those.

If YOU were a reasonable, rational, ADULT? Not a child at the mercy of their parents/adults in their lives, nor an adult in a bad marriage/relationship, where the imprisonment is all simile & metaphor… but an ADULT, held captive, held prisoner, literally. Chains. Cement blocks. Firing squads. Flesh against metal & stone. A knife against your carotid as you folded yourself into a trunk of a car. A gun against your head. Red & blue lights flashing. Dogs. By any country, group, individual… more powerful than yourself?

There ARE quirks, amirite? Like sunshine & water. Heat & cold. Mine & not mine. Expected & unexpected. Pain & waiting for pain. Freedoms and stillness.

 

[Rose White]

A holocaust survivor came and talked at our school last year and something I remember him talking about were things like holidays where there were certain guards who would give them stuff or look away while they gathered. Or how the guards themselves would sing Christmas carols. I remember he talked about arriving at a camp and how getting a shower and getting deloused was such a huge relief. And it made me realize how much more nuanced the whole thing was. And somehow that nuance made it more sad because reality is harder to understand and let in than fantasy.

 

[Freddyt]

There ARE quirks, amirite? Like sunshine & water. Heat & cold. Mine & not mine. Expected & unexpected. Pain & waiting for pain. Freedoms and stillness.

Yup. I can NOT sleep if the blankets are pulled tight across my feet. It makes me crazy, My cat started trying to sleep by my feet, and it ended sleep for the night when I woke up with her there.

I can't uncover my feet either, they get so cold - are so constantly cold.

I remember they used to plot at night about giving me needles. Then there's the terror of waiting for the attack - I know they held me down forcibly and used to put the side rails up after my parents left, which increased the feeling of being trapped.

I don't know about the rest but I do remember at least one nurse who who would check if I was awake by grabbing my big toe

 

[Friday]

You know… I think you may have just accidentally stumbled upon why I tend to (have a pernicious habit of) walk(ing) out of hospitals???

It’s not even an AMA, or not liking them, kind of thing. More often than not, I DO come back. It’s more of a compulsion? Like I have walked my happy (bare) ass to McDonalds moments after waking up from surgery*. (No one will notice the IV Pole, if I put my jacket on! I’m just taking it for a walk. I’m not hooked up to it, or anything). The less “in my right mind” I am? The more likely it is to happen.

I’ve KNOWN for ages that I do the same thing with jobs, leave just to prove to myself I can… but I never linked my whackadoodle field trips from hospitals with the same “I’m not trapped, I can leave anytime I want.” (Prove it.) Thang.

* On the upside? I am single-handedly responsible for a couple/few surgical towers being given the budget to hire more nurses. A patient in recovery reeeeeally shouldn’t just be able to walk out without anyone noticing. Unless? You’ve only got 1 nurse for 20 people. The dodged lawsuits, constituted the “budget” for their salaries.

 

[Freddyt]

You know… I think you may have just accidentally stumbled upon why I tend to (have a pernicious habit of) walk(ing) out of hospitals???

It could very well be just that. We were doing somatic work in the last session and my feet were going crazy. T said it was like running away.

So the kept off my perfectly functioning feet for 8 weeks must be a huge part of that too.

If you took two steps out the door of my room you were in the nurses station, literally.....so escape not so possible....

 

[Freida]

Yup. I can NOT sleep if the blankets are pulled tight across my feet. It makes me crazy,

omg I thought I was the only one!!

 

[Freddyt]

omg I thought I was the only one!!

Oh god no. We did sessions before Christmas because not being able to hear conversations clearly, whispering, indistinct voices make me crazy. I bought my wife a couple pairs of bluetooth headphones for at home and away because not clearly hearing whats she is listening too or watching.....

A knife against your carotid as you folded yourself into a trunk of a car. A gun against your head. Red & blue lights flashing. Dogs. By any country, group, individual… more powerful than yourself?

Or even as a child. That first life threatening event? Still working on it in some ways.
I think now part of not telling my parents was fear of revenge in the hours they were not there and really oddly, the tape that held my eye patch on. Tefla showed up during my stay and before that removing and replacing the tape every 2-4 hours had me red raw, and being at/near where that original stuff was, was threatening behaviour in a way and even the care for the injury was threats of "we can really hurt you."

 

[Freddyt]

in the hours they were not there and really oddly, the tape that held my eye patch on. Tefla showed up during my stay and before that removing and replacing the ta

That went wrong.
Should read

in the hours they were not there and really oddly. The tape that held my eye patch on was part of all that, being hurt in addition to the injury by the tape being removed every few hours in addition to the injury was mentally speaking threatening behaviour. It was getting hurt over and over so near the injury. Tefla tape came along during all that and helped but still, causing that hurt probably strengthened my freeze response.