Quit T Sessiones A Month Ago

[Smile]

I was going twice a week. We were working with cbt therapy and then decided to change to dbt. I wasn't getting a handle on the tasks I needed to do in between sessions... my T used the term "willfulness" a lot. That I was being willful in trying to understand the past and not really believing I could do much now/future.

So I quit. Not for good, because I do think she's good at her job but because I was just too damn tired.

It's been a month and looking back on it.... it's just been. Very blah. I survived. There were a few stressful experiences that I got thru on my own, which feels good.

Now I feel like I may want to restart T again but I feel as though I can only do so if I'm in the right headspace: meaning I'm ready and WILL do whats needed and that i have complete trust in my T (been seeing her for 2 years now).

Any advice on how to get there?
Any thoughts as to whether my T perhaps isn't as good as I think?

Thanks

 

[Justmehere]

Have you asked yourself what is the reason for the "willfulness"?

Might need to address whatever that reason is before being able to let go and try something new.

Complete trust isn't required to shift out of a willful place. I had a DBT therpaust tell me I was being willlful, and she was right. No amount of trust or willpower changed it. I was still willful.

I ended up deciding to approach therapy like an experiment. (It's a gestalt-ish kind of approach - gestalt is another type of therapy.) I figured I would try a new way, as an experiment, and take down "data" and keep a log of the results. This meshed with DBT well. I expanded my DBT diary card and completed it faithfully and the changes were much bigger.

I am still willful at times. In my case, it's a defense mechanism against pain. But I manage a lot better now because my "experiments" proved that some of the skills in DBT were super helpful and helped me reach my goals in a more effective manner. Some helped reduce my pain and thus my willfulness.

 

[Beaglefan61]

Oh on those tasks between sessions, please don't get on yourself too much if you simply couldn't to those at times. My therapist had a few frustrating moments with that at times yet didn't fully understand i was probably needing to be inpatient as i was not able to function much at all anyhow. If you were too tired or were unable for other reasons and it was not simply being willful, that can happen.

Good to hear you survived the more stressful times without your therapist during the last month. You seem to feel glad of that. Nice to know you can do that i know.

When you are back with your therapist, can you two communicate clearly about what you are and are not up to doing for between session tasks? I know for myself how i seem during a session is about 5 times better than how i am out of session so my therapist and i had to talk about that so she would understand i get into my head enough to drive there, so am not the total mess she would see me as being if seeing me in any normal time. What you say about you being willful being a defense against pain is a huge insight. We can do what we can.

I am not sure if with your therapist it is about her not being as good as you think, the match up not being the best even if she is good (chemistry counts), or if it is about simple communication about what is going on and why about tasks not getting done between sessions. Best to you in communication helping resolve many issues with this as it sounds like you would feel hugely relieved if you could do the tasks without getting in over your head.

oops, JustMeHere is the one who being willful is defense against pain. Will restate then, whatever is getting in the way, it is good to talk about it as there may be reasons either in how much we can do or handle.

 

[Smile]

Oh on those tasks between sessions, please don't get on yourself too much if you simply couldn't to...

Yes! That is exactly how I feel... so much better in session and then I fall flat the moment I leave her office. Literally.

She is my 4th T and she comes very highly recommended so I don't think she's "bad" at her job just maybe... not as sympathetic as I need at times. She's all about goals and the stumbling blocks.

I saw her once more and then stopped again. I feel like it might be healthy to have another session, at least to be totally honest with her? Because I find that really hard... I'm a people pleaser