Other Rabbit - does talk therapy help? childhood abuse survivor

[lovely.rabbit]

Hello my name is Leah, I was sexually abused, mentally physically and emotionally from 4 yrs old till 14 by a family member (female), then by my first male boss, then by my first high school boyfriend who was very violent when i was 16.
I met my common law when I was 18 he was 31 he sold me for money, forced me turn to crime, locked me in a cage and denied food and water, raped beat and abused me for 7 years until he committed suicide.
I am extremely mentally ill, forced to watch the torture of both people and animals. had guns held to my head...
I am not even able to make eye contact with people, men especially, and am not even able to get out of bed some days.
I am high anxiety, bipolar, panic stricken and terrified of people. I have sleep issues and am triggered many times throughout the day, I have a bad temper and cannot control myself sometimes. I am on Effexor XR to help with severe depression. I have anorexia and body image disorder.
I self harm and have turned to substances at various times in my past when other help could not be found. I have no self esteem.
I have been continuously told how worthless I am for years.

I feel lost alone and my current boyfriend is sick of me not being able to be touched sometimes and how I constantly think hes mad at me. I can understand how hard it must be to be around me.
I allways assume the worst, its a coping thing, it prepares me for if the worst does happen, but im constantly afraid of being left and he took off yesterday after a fight, for 5 days. im thinking I should probably leave and let him move on.

Anyone have any luck with talk therapy? I am not sure if I can get better or how to or where to start.

Thank you for reading and I really appreciate your help and compassion.

 

[Silver.]

Welcome to the forums
I am so sorry for everything you have gone through, you were brave to share all that.
I have had great luck with talk therapy, it works better for me than other therapies, I would encourage you to find a therapist and start doing it so you can get onto the path of healing.
Take a look around here, there are a ton of great posts and you are sure to find people that you can relate to and have gone through similar experiences, I think it's a good feeling to know you're not alone. Take Care x

 

[lovely.rabbit]

Thank you! I usually end up crying when I try to talk to people and crying makes me feel absolutely weak and worthless so ive avoided it but im ruining my own relationships and isolating myself so its time to force myself to get help.

 

[Poofycat]

Welcome to the forum! I've found talk therapy to be extremely helpful and I really recommend you find a trauma therapist. You don't need to go through this alone.

 

[spacegrenade]

Thank you! I usually end up crying when I try to talk to people and crying makes me feel absolute...

You aren't weak for crying when trying to talk it out. You've been through so much, so I think it's normal to cry you know? I had a very similar experience when I first started therapy, and we talked about how to become more comfortable. I had great success talking to people, but finding the right therapist doesn't always happen the first time. In my experience, those who I had my best success with had an open, honest and two-way relationship. I went to a free place made specifically for survivors, who would give me homework and validated the many feelings I felt from processing an old trauma. However, I moved and I've been having a harder time finding someone I click with. My advice is to call around/email, and maybe talk briefly with therapists in your area to discuss what they can provide for you and how you can succeed. It's scary and frustrating, but you're taking the right step in the right direction. You can do it!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

I think therapy is a must when trying to heal PTSD. It's impossible to do this alone.

:hug:

 

[lovely.rabbit]

Thank you!!! I think the hardest part for me is WANTING to get myself better, I dont like myself and am very self harming verbally and phycially, so its a fight with myself really. But its time...theres no point feeling this way for any longer.

Thank you again guys, Im going this week to find a therapist :)

 

[void]

@lovely.rabbit :happy:

Welcome!

Have you ever been assessed to determine which diagnoses best describe you?