Sexual Assault Rape Conviction Statistics In The Us

[Fadeaway]

"the Netherlands had the fourth highest prevalence rate of physical and sexual violence against women in Europe, with 45% of women having experienced such violence, which is well above the European average of 33%." ~wikipedia

From another site. "An adolescent sex offender who does not receive treatment will commit an estimated 380 sex crimes over their lifetime." 37 Scarey Repeat Sex Offenders Statistics - HRFnd Seems to back up my theory. I know my abuser talked about previous victims (not that he saw them as victims)

 

[Hooper]

Fadeaway,
I was just reading those stats as well as others. Read what Wikipedia has to say about the USA. Much less but it's confusing because one country may do a poll to determine percentages and another may use prosecutions or convictions steering the number low. I concede my Netherlands example.

 

[Abigail7]

It may be a fantasy but for me it helps to cope. I wonder if fathers, brothers, cousins, boyfriends, sp...

I'm not trying to be rude, but there is no justice for "you". Please hear me out.

Brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends, partners and so on are not the ones getting justice.

The justice is for the person raped. The justice is not for anyone else.

Forcing a wife, sister, daughter, girlfriend to seek justice is another way of violating her.

Just as a woman has a right to press charges, she has an equal right to not press charges.

Going through the justice system can literally destroy someone. I have personally seen it happen.

I made a conscious decision to not take the legal route and I do not regret it for a minute. If my father, brother, boyfriend, whomever had pressured me to seek justice to meet some need of their own, I'd feel incredibly violated.

This is about me, and while someone can feel bad, mad, sad, enraged, etc over what happened, the worst thing that anyone could do in the name of support is to go against my wishes and choices because they believe they know how I will heal.

 

[Fadeaway]

Agree, the countries do manipulate the data. Also they don't all agree on what rape is. I was reading earlier when I was looking up the data for this thread that the U.K. doesn't count rape committed by women. Other countries such as Italy convict in cases when the woman has been deemed promiscuous prior to the assault. There was a case in Italy where a 13 year old girl was raped by her stepfather but because it was concluded that she wasn't a virgin prior to the assault he was never convicted. In Norway and sexual act committed without consent is considered rape.France considers any act of sexual penetration rape.

In the U.S. every state has it's own laws.

 

[Hooper]

@abigail7
Very well said. What I am learning in therapy is although my wife was the one raped it set off me to a great degree due to what happened to me in my parents divorce. It went bad is an understatement. My older brother and I went with my Dad and my younger brother went with my Mom. It was humiliating for he so she pressed charges against my Dad for embezzlement even though the money from the family business he ran went into a joint account. She claimed ignorance and I watched my Dad found guilty with a 1 way ticked to the state penitentiary. At 11-12 I knew what happened in prisons. How my Mom could put the father of her children in prison enraged me in a way that was only comparable to hearing the details of what happened to my wife. Without therapy I never would have seen this about me and I agree my wife's rape was not about me but it did tie into my experience. I still loved my Mom and my Dad won his appeal but I never could express to her the damage she had done and I never would physically hurt my Mom. My wife's rapist I did not have the same issues with so 2 years post therapy I understand that a lot of the rage towards him was tied to what happened to me at a young age. You make an excellent case for leaving it 100% to the victim to heal in whatever way they best see fit. My wife has done that. What I still can not handle is how common sexual assault is, how we have 6 out of 1000 serve time and the problem seems to not be improving. I appreciate where you are coming from but there is no justice and it eats at me. Choking it down as life is not fair is very hard.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

One of the big reasons I haven't really told any family or friends (told some but got bad reactions) is fear of the way that they will receive the information. Some friends who I thought should know better, (self proclaimed feminists) basically said that if he raped again it was my fault or responsibility for not reporting. (Stats in U.K. Are only 3% of reported rapists ever see the inside of a jail cell) Some other friends at the time didn't believe me or minimised it. I just stopped telling people the main reason I've not said anything to family is that it would get back to my dad and I fear that he would feel the exact same way as you and "take the law into his own hands".

Mostly what I've found with disclosure is that I've had to support other people feeling bad cause I got raped. That's not cool I can't do that anymore. The best way for me to keep myself sane is to talk to T and other survivors and keep it from people I care about. Sad as f*ck isn't it. It's a difficult thing to hear that someone you care about has been raped I understand that. But it's not my place to soothe and comfort you because you feel bad about me being raped? You see how f*cked that is what a wee shame you feel bad for me for being raped. That's the kind of reaction I've had though. It all adds to the low reporting stats and what's the point with the low af conviction rates.

 

[scout86]

I've had to support other people feeling bad cause I got raped

A well intended friend convinced me that I should tell my parents,, long after the fact, that I'd been sexually molested add a child. It was a huge mistake, for exactly that reason. It turned into a big mess about how bad that made then feel. No one even asked if I was ok now. :( In the end, to shut them up and calm then down, I just said it wasn't that big a deal. My dad wanted to know who the perp was. I didn't tell him. Told him I could appreciate that he thought he wanted to know, but that he should trust me when i said he didn't. (It was the son of his oldest sister, the matriarch of the family. I didn't want him to have to choose sides &, I suppose, I was afraid of which side he might pick, if he knew.) He made one guess after that (wrong). That was the last anyone ever mentioned it. If I had it to do over, I'd not have told them.

On the other hand, I'd like to think that, sometimes, speaking the truth does some good.

In the state I'm living in now, there is a civil commitment program for persons deemed to be sexually dangerous predators. It's under attack as potentially unconstitutional, because not enough people 'graduate'. Do they not get that no one meets the release criteria because we don't know how to 'make these people better'? (Apparently not.):banghead:

 

[Sideways]

In defence of the Netherlands, the high stats there are more likely to be an indicator of a higher proportion of victims reporting the crime, rather than suggestive that the Netherlands is swarming with rapists in comparison to other countries.

One of the things you can do? Is be fussy about who you vote for. Which of your local politicians are trying to make real change? And get some letters out there if none of them are.

But for the sake of your wife, I think it's important that conviction rates don't become a personal crusade right now. Maybe one day, when she's healed. But coming home to a hubby who is bent on doing something about under-reporting, could very easily fuel her own shame. She has enough shame. Same with becoming too vocal about conviction stats. Does that help her heal, or does it fuel her silent shame? That she hasn't been one of the 'brave' who 'did the right thing' by society and pursued justice. In her mind, these issues cannvery easily perpetuate her feelings of shame.

So what's important for her? She's chosen to not report. That's the healing journey she's chosen for herself, and validating that is the most important thing right now. What support is she getting? What services are available? Are those services adequate?

Yes, society definitely has something to be ashamed about when it comes to justice for victims of sexual crimes. But that's not where society's shame ends. The support that we make available to the vast number of victims? Equally infuriating.

Personally, having watched someone do a rape kit? And that's just where the legal shite fight starts... Having supported a friend through the process of having his story of abuse turned against him by defence lawyers protecting their client's rights (and until convicted, we all have rights)... If someone I loved told me they had been raped, I would only only take them to the police to 'pursue justice' if they were sure that's what they wanted, and needed, to heal.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

A sociology course during college presented a study of males students attending top ten ivy league institutes. Individuals were asked (trying to find precise wording of questions) when a woman says NO, what does that mean? High 90's response was that a woman does not mean NO when she says it. For those responding is was not rape.

Consent is the core issue moral and legal. How does someone not know when further (as in date rape, or marriage rape) intimacy is not wanted? Watch dogs play, it can look full on and then instant NO by one or both that game has changed and back off.

More to write and purge about this.

 

[Hooper]

Changeling,
That is interesting. When my wife told me what happened I poured over my sexual history to see if there was anything remotely similar. First time intimacy with someone new was what I was thinking back on. This was late 80's early 90's but I don't remember anything that seemed grey. At the time I would want to have sex but if it was a no or "do you have a condom?" and the answer was no it ended. My sister in law works for a university and she and 2 others with the same job dismiss students for rape but do not prosecute. She says that at her last conference the average rapist is in at least the 15 victim range and maybe 20. They walk the grey lines and I think know exactly what they are doing. The abundance of the "was this rape" threads illustrate very well how they walk the grey line. It also probably has a lot to do with the lack of prosecutions. If you're not sure what to call it and embarrassing details preceded when the line was crossed it should come as no surprise rape is so under reported. One of the hardest things for me to deal with was that she went back to him to try to make sense of what had happened. She was in denial and in a bad place and that is what it took for her to get to a better place. She finally figured out what happened was rape and ended the relationship shortly after. As smart and sound as she is she was only 13 trying to get through a traumatic experience during a traumatic time in her life (divorced parents). It is part of what made her who she is today which I happen to be a huge fan of and knowing that is difficult as well. If it did not happen there is a very good chance we would not be together today (another difficulty of mine). For someone who wasn't raped I really can't explain how it has had such an impact on me other than what I've posted above. So therapy continues and I don't discuss too much with her because I don't want her to go back there. That's what my therapist is for. Looking forward to your further purging.
hooper

 

[Deleted member 28740]

One of the hardest things for me to deal with was that she went back to him to try to make sense of what had happened. She was in denial and in a bad place and that is what it took for her to get to a better place. She finally figured out what happened was rape and ended the relationship shortly after.

It was rape, nothing grey, or young lust about it. He knew it and screamed at me after. We were dating again after a broken engagement, a fews years between. Very clear on NO.

Have to write this in pieces. Yeah, denial, shutdown (though pregnant and miscarriage). No contact. Then few years later he wanted to make amends, contact. Then my life imploded.

@Hooper

I have not started a trauma diary here. I should keep my personal stuff for that. Not to hijack your post.

 

[Hooper]

Changeling,
You're welcome to post as much or as little as you want if it is beneficial to you. You're input is beneficial to me. However you see fit.