Sexual Assault Rape Culture

[Matilda]

I came across this picture today and I just love what this guy said.
If anybody here has the memory of an elephant (I don't) than you may remember that I dropped out of my pretty conservative college this past September due to my mental state. I never really wanted to go to the college in the first place, but it was where so many people wanted me. I had a lot of issues with the college, but one of my biggest issues was the dress code. Skirt past your knee (when sitting), sleeves had to be completely covering your shoulder, neclklines could be no longer than three fingers past your collar, and clothing could not be tight or accentuating your form. "Pretty conservative" may have been an understatement. At the girl's assembly during opening week the dean of woman besically said (not in these words) that woman needed to stp dressing like sluts to feel pretty. We had to have respect for ourselves and the men around us by not tempting them with our body. Our virginity was a present that had originally been intended to be opened after marriage. I tried not to feel self conscious at school, but I couldn't help it. I kept getting written up because my skirt was showing my knees or my tank top (under my sweater) was to form fitting. My college was in the California desert, it was pretty hot and I couldn't afford a new wardrobe let alone find a ride to get to town.
I don't have an issue with skirts or modesty. But I'm getting so annoyed of us having to cover ourselves to extreme lengths so guys aren't tempted to rape. We get the blame, not them. I want to feel and look pretty so I wear my skinny jeans and my tops that show off my curves and fit form (I'm working out a lot more lately, I have a reason to be proud!), but bam; a guy whistled to me when walking to my car and thoughts race through my head. I shouldn't be at the store by myself, I shouldn't have parked so far out, I should have walked quicker, why don't I own a taser yet, I need to start wearing a sweatshirt, I need to be more careful. But, what about that stupid guy. His friends just laugh with him and I'm the one blaming myself. And society says nothing. Boys will be boys and we need to constantly be on guard. I'm just tired of it. I couldn't even leave my house last year to jog or ride my bike because my mom was so paranoid. The moment the weather warms up I'm going to try to get myself outside, but I know the moment a car drives by just a tad slower, I'll be a deer in the headlights.
There's just so much that's backwards with our society now. The news is calling for a reform for college rape, but colleges tell us to be over careful; social media tells us to speak out, but the moment we speak out we're called selfish; and a person who had suffered rape or sexual assault is expected to immediately jump back and be exactly the same. I'm struggling.
Because of my abuse, I can't love properly. I don't feel comfortable with guys who are complete gentleman because I'm supposed to be fending for myself. So I'm labeled as cold hearted. I struggle with intimacy so I'm a prude. I bet me being abused as a kid would have people blaming me, just because I thought I'd be safe getting warm in the bed with my dad on a winter night while watching TV. Yup, it's all on me

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I agree, it's ridiculous to blame the victim, as if we are responsible for being attacked. As if we want to relive the nightmare over and over, have trust issues and panic attacks. Rape is about power and control, not how one dresses to tempt another. It's an excuse rather than hold the offender accountable and it's enabling that person, almost giving them permission to continue to hurt others. Sorry, will get off my soap box now.

 

[Matilda]

No need for apologies considering my soapbox was pretty lengthy ;) . It's a real issue and I just hate how contradictory our society is

 

[Sighs]

I often say to people that a woman SHOULD be able to walk butt naked through Kings Cross (or any seedy red light district) at 2 am while stumbling drunk and STILL not have anyone touch her at all. People often start to argue about how dangerous that would be and how much you would be "asking for it" if you did that. I have to repeat the SHOULD part. No matter how you behave/dress/where you go no-one has the right to touch you without your consent.

 

[thelizardqueen]

I agree with you, victim blaming seems to occur too frequently in society. Especially in the US, rape and sexual assault is far too common. If only we could awake the whole world at once and tell them that NO means NO and that it is NOT ok. Why anyone would rape or hurt someone and emotionally if not physically scar them is something that I will never be able to comprehend. What we need to teach others is that we are all ONE, and we all rely on one another to survive. Love, peace, and respect to ALL!

 

[Girlgirlgirl]

I am so sick of víctim blaming too, for me it has been worse than the actual rape. Think about it, if nobody supported hitler, he probly would have been a serial killer who would have only killed 10-20 people. The ignorance of the masses is what fuels the violence and makes it continue, in my opinión. Instead of focusing on what the rapist did, they focus on the víctim, retraumatizing the víctim and leaving the rapist free to create more víctims who will also be retraumatized and blamed, instead of getting the criminal away from society, WTF?!?!?!